First physical 100 miles by bike achieved!

On the weekends, I push the distance envelope with my (relatively) new bicycle. The long-term goal is to ride from my house to my job, approximately 7.5 miles one way or 15 total. When this shit show ends, the plan is the other way around, I want to use the showers at my employer’s gym. As of today, it was my house to the West end of the parking lot to what used to be Kiddie Acres or as I called it, Tetanus Land! Then back. So 8.2 miles roughly. This morning’s ride was super productive as I completed it all before 9 AM annnnnd I have now achieved over 100 miles riding. How do I know. My Apple Watch said so and I have confidence in it because of the GPS coordinated via the iPhone I have securely put away in my pocket.

Next milestone for miles will be 250. Can I pull it off before the end of May?

Posted in Health, News | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Moronavirus outbreak happened again this weekend

Once again, con artist and bullshitter Alex Jones got his Ammosexuals and dupes riled up to make their moronic demands at the Capitol. It’s a downside of Austin, right along with all the dickweeds wearing Ron Paul shirts. I’ve concluded Jones remains living here because he doesn’t want to live in the shitty parts of Texas where the bulk of his followers come from. He should move, then the money he makes from overpriced taint-wipes would go further and he could own five Rolex watches.

This weekend they shouted “Arrest Bill Gates” to replace “Fire Fauci,” since we know the latter isn’t going to happen nor does Dr. Fauci sweat his future, he’s 79. Other than promoting vaccines, I don’t see why these morons have a beef with a rich guy who also doesn’t want to pay his taxes and made his fortune by screwing millions. He used to be a national hero to them.

I just can’t wait for the news to break when a few of these assholes comes down with the virus and they need respirators while their lungs struggle. They will be like KKKristians, as once quoted by The Simpsons‘ Moe when a mastodon skeleton fell on him at an anti-Science riot, “Oh I’m paralyzed. I just hope medical science can cure me.” These morons are definitely showing their anti-vaxxing mindset. How I wish Star Trek or Star Wars like interstellar travel were possible, then these morons could leave earth and die on another planet, let the rest of us intelligent people live in peace.

Posted in Austintatious | Tagged , | Leave a comment

The Art of Self Defense

If this was supposed to be a Dark Comedy, they really skimped on it. Art is more accurately, a weird Drama or Thriller with a touch of Comedy. I still watched it to the conclusion waiting for the payoff which was surprising and decent.

The story is about Casey. He’s a timid accountant who seems pretty complacent in his boring life but he endures people bullying him, cursing at him and writing him off as a pussy. Then one evening Casey is brutally assaulted by a weird motorcycle gang. Weird? They wear helmets to hide their identity (bikers don’t) and were thrilled to steal a gift card for a Brazilian steakhouse. After being hospitalized, Casey is released and allowed to be on leave from his job to heal. Several days later he investigates a nearby karate dojo in a typical strip mall (who doesn’t have one near their house). The dojo is run by a man insisting on the students to only call him Sensei (teacher). Casey is intrigued and signs up for classes.

Encouraged by his initial progress and the influence of Sensei, Casey’s life begins to change. He becomes aggressive, dedicated to practicing and a little too obsessed. An example: after failing to assert himself against an asshole who dings his car, Casey finds a company that can make leather belts for slacks/jeans which are in the same colors as the karate ranks. It makes him feel more confident with his yellow belt on all the time.

Eventually you will see the dojo’s dark secrets hidden by Sensei and his inner circle of students, namely the only female member Anna.

It doesn’t sound funny based upon what I wrote but stick with it. There are some rather clever moments which may make you laugh, namely after Casey’s transformation.

Posted in Movies, Pandemic Theater, Streaming | Tagged , | Leave a comment

My new portable for 2020

Got a new portable to assist my existing MacBook Pro I tend to do the majority of Maggi Picayune on. I was finally impressed by the features and price point by the MacBook Air, it’s what I decided to make Bugs Bunny’s (MBP) co-worker to be for contemporary matters. I have named it Lionheart after a Kate Bush album and my zodiac sign.

So here’s the plan going forward. Bugs Bunny handles all the legacy software Apple has chosen to abandon, namely GarageBand’s podcast-creation ability; and applications I PAID FOR that I’m very pissed macOS screws over: PhotoShop from CS3 and QuarkXPress (yes, people still use it); the optical drive is needed for CD ripping whenever I go shopping at Waterloo Records. Lionheart is up to date for e-mail, Web browsing, commerce, etc. They can communicate to each other via BlueTooth, Apple Remote Desktop and standard WiFi.

The deal I received on Lionheart was pretty bitchin’ too. I saved enough money to get her storage bumped up from the piddly 256 GB of SSD to 1 TB and her RAM doubled to 16 GB which will come in handy; testing Adobe’s competitor Affinity. There was even money left over to get a USB-C/Thunderbolt (still hate this) to Lighting cable and an extra power adapter setup. Lionheart arrived three weeks ago but I needed her armor, then came the stickers which are all fictional female characters I enjoy: Starbuck, Lola, Babs and Connie. The center sticker is a nod to VenTech, the company Dr. Rusty Venture is running into the toilet since he took over in The Venture Brothers. Prank people into thinking it’s a real brand of macOS-compatible device.

If you see me at Starbucks, I will often have both on me.

Posted in Apple, Science & Technology | Tagged | Leave a comment

My cat Agamemnon likes Chef Boyardee sauce

I had a lazy lunch today, my favorite since 1988, a can of Chef Boyardee Ravioli…as is. Now I’m accustomed to Aggie liking canned chili but the rather sweet sauce drowning the dozen ravioli was a surprise because cats allegedly can’t taste sugary stuff. So there must be something else at work in it. Tomatoes? Starch? Unknown cat nip?

Posted in Cats | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Finally got a mask

My cousin Dana made these bitchin’ masks which come in handy because they’re now mandatory until further notice in Travis County and Austin proper. It gets the job done. How? Not just cutting back the spread of CV-19 but it doesn’t fog up my glasses! Now if I didn’t resemble Santa Claus trying to hold up a liquor store.

Posted in News | Tagged | Leave a comment

San Antonio (by bike) achieved!

Today, I got across the first threshold of distance on my hybrid bike, San Antonio which is around 80 miles from Austin. I also closed the rings for the ninth time in a row even though I’ve been on my bike 14 days, I just failed to close Exercise or Movement due to the sun going down.

I’m doing better too. The soreness in my legs is down. I don’t feel the logo Cannondale in my buttocks. It has become more meditation than a chore.

Next destination, the distance between my house and Nancy & José’s place.

Posted in Health, News | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Hero Forge is now at Beta for color!

I received the e-mail yesterday and couldn’t wait to experiment with the color palettes from my contribution via Kickstarter. Hero Forge was already impressive with their customization to create the mini you want to represent your character. Now you can purchase the mini with colored plastics because I’m one of those people who is too damned lazy to pain them. Well, the truth is, I have “fat fingers” so I lack the skill and patience too. I often pay others to assemble the cool Star Trek and Star Wars minis sold through Rogues Gallery.

Above is the last character I played over a decade ago, Impavidus Goldfrapp. You may recognize the name, I sometimes use it online and it’s also my shoutout on Brian Posehn’s Nerd Poker whenever I give him money. I also have Matthew and Elizabeth’s characters mentioned, I’m not that vain. With the colored minis, I paid for 10, two will be my favorite PCs from playing D&D/RoleMaster for 40 years. The remaining eight? Two will go to my friends because I like Seilu (Matthew) and Opal (Elizabeth). The remaining six might be gifts to Lester, Mark B and John P. Leaves me three. Probably favorite villains and Somara’s favorite PC.

When there’s a Kickstarter to lengthen my life another 30 years, I’ll be there for I want to enjoy all these great innovations D&D is finally receiving.

Posted in D & D | Tagged , | Leave a comment

1970: The First Earth Day

It was a nice try 50 years ago but then St. Reagan came along to demonize those of us who had the nerve to demand clean air and water. Even to this day, the FBI spies on is the Green Movement since Green is the new Red; it’s also why I ridicule those crap TV shows glorifying the gang that can’t shoot straight.

Anyway, I have to confess, in the Eighties, I wasn’t keen on this holiday. I was more wrapped up in myself. I wasn’t against fuel-efficient cars or pollution-fighting methods. I just didn’t put my money where my mouth was. I grew more concerned by the Nineties as Climate Change began to make its moves. Imagine how much better things would be if we invested slightly more effort then?

This anniversary got pushed down by the Pandemic and Orange Foolius is using the crisis to blatantly push an agenda which will kill us all. As if we’re not paying attention. I don’t think Biden will be any better; he’ll be dead before it’s unbearable too. Both of these old farts are willingly ignorant about coal’s decline, the rise of electric/hybrid cars (hydrogen may be on the horizon in my lifetime) and solar has made inroads. Now if we can survive the process of getting the billions of tons of Carbon out of the atmosphere before 2100, our selfish species might have a shot at getting to the Star Trek future we’d like.

Posted in Ecology, History, Science & Technology | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

A Stupid and Futile Gesture

Netflix made an interesting biography flick about the first decade of National Lampoon and its co-founder Douglas Kenney. How they executed it was most impressive because it was filled with surprises: namely the casting, the story flow and it readily admitted to taking poetic license (somebody did a screenshot with all the corrections they quickly scrolled).

It all begins with Martin Mull as Kenney today. He introduces the audience to his early days at Harvard in the mid-to-late Sixties. There Kenney (now played by Will Forte) meets Henry Beard. They hit it off and become two very successful writers for The Harvard Lampoon which we all now is the precursor to National, The Onion, Spy, SNL and The Daily Show. The primary reason why they founded the humor magazine was keep having the good time they had in college. Things start rough because major publishers see the point in producing a humor magazine aimed at Boomers too old for MAD yet middle-aged enough for The New Yorker. Of all the publishers willing to gamble, it’s Weight Watchers who takes the chance. Then they recruit an oddball ensemble to churn out something shocking, hilarious, satirical and boundary-pushing.

It isn’t always smooth. They don’t find their voice immediately and have to heed the advice of older, more experienced art directors to make the satire work. Plus National kicked off during the Age of Aquarius so drugs, drugs and more drugs fuel the staff’s creativity. Also being Boomers, they weren’t concerned about their sexism and promiscuity. Eventually National becomes a hit as you see all the famous covers (buy this or we shoot this dog), fake ads (Sen. Kennedy for VW), articles (dark humor regarding children killed in Vietnam), the high school yearbook and radio show catapulting many first generation SNL alumni who didn’t OD.

I’ll stop there to maintain the continuous surprises which happened to Kenney during his journey as a comedy writer and the people who helped make bigger stars as actors or writers.

What really impressed me was the cast. It’s an incredible list of who’s who with today’s current comedic actors: Joel McHale, Thomas Lennon, Natasha Lyonne, Seth Green, etc. playing Chevy Chase (made more likable than he is in real life), Michael O’Donoghue, Anne Beatts, Christopher Guest, etc. No small feat for Netflix which doesn’t have a Hollywood Studio budget. There are also fourth-wall moments and special effects to help move the plot along; probably to symbolize how the magazine and its writers never took themselves seriously.

It’s definitely worth watching as a movie, not just as some “inside baseball” stuff as it was for me, a fan and student of modern comedy. How did this lead to the painfully, not always funny SNLAnimal House and eventually Caddyshack. Oddly, there’s no time given to Vacation or American Werewolf in London.

Here’s what made me sad though. Humor isn’t immortal. As you may or may not know, National Lampoon ceased publishing in 1998. Many would probably say, “Oh the Internet did them in.” Too early and The Onion made its appearance on the Internet in 1996 while the Web we know today was still learning to walk and pages were crude looking by today’s standards. The truth is, tastes change, business strategies change, audiences get older and aren’t necessarily replaced by a younger generation. Throw in how even by the Nineties, publishing was beginning to experience the trouble of the masses demanding everything for free. Anyway, given who currently owns The Onion and how they’re driving it into the toilet with their greed, National‘s demise tells Gen X’s humorous is living on borrowed time and that Millennials and Gen Z may like something entirely different.

In closing though, I do want to say something else. I’ve never liked National Lampoon. It’s humor was more often shock for the sake of it. When I was a kid, their posters were funny but now I’m an adult and although I understand the context, the one on attractive women is rather hurtful. The Onion and Spy were better (sometimes suck.com) because they’re stronger on satire without bordering on porn. Lastly, other than the Daily Show, none of my generation’s satirical sources produced a Libertarian sinkhole like PJ O’Rourke, a former editor-in-chief at National. He’s a typical Reason-type of Boomer Libertarian, a hippie who got rich and then realized now he was the one who’d be paying the “outrageous” taxes his generation wanted.

Check it out. The way Kenney is portrayed is very funny and the captured the tragedy of how his never being serious and addictions got to him. Lastly, I never knew he had small roles in Animal House and Caddyshack.

Posted in Movies, Pandemic Theater, Streaming | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Howe…Gordie, Howe

Sometime after the Futurama jerseys arrived, my James Bond jersey arrived within a month. The demo Geeky Jerseys showed for this had three digits on the back, 007 obviously, and it was how I could get my Bender number in hexadecimal.  The other was Goldeneye with 64 because most people love that console game.

After much thought I decided to go with one of my favorite villains, Francisco Scaramanga, known as the Man with the Golden Gun played by Christopher Lee, Ian Fleming’s cousin by marriage. I saw the movie a slew of times on HBO when I was a kid. The villain’s island lair to take on other assassins was pretty cool. Why 74? It’s the year the movie version came out. It’s the best number I could think of.

Hopefully, my next two are coming in shortly after the pandemic is over.

Posted in Hockey | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Threadgill’s is closing for good, more of Austin dies

An element which made Austin…Austin and not another cookie-cutter, ‘burb-filled shithole filled with just Volvo-driving soccer moms (see Indiacrapolis and Raleigh-Durham), is shuttering for good.

Threadgill’s has been at its location on Lamar since the days the city proper ended long ago. When I used to live in Hyde Park, you can see the traces of when my neighborhood was the edge of Austin as recently as WWII, maybe even the Sixties.

This restaurant was another institution for local musicians and genuine Austin cuisine: chicken-fried steak, all-you-can-eat vegetable sides and sweet tea. Sure BBQ (brisket mainly) is another staple but when you had vegetarian guests and/or those who don’t want to get bloated at every meal, you take them here. It was also a treat for me. Whenever gEeKs visited or it could take the sting off my latest repair bill at Underground VW (I will never miss my Golf). One time the place rescued me from our infamous hail storm that resulted in nobody being able to get a rental car in this city for months.

I regret not being able to visit one last time before it closes. Thanks pandemic and Orange Foolius. I doubt anything nice nor affordable will take its place as the property taxes prohibit anything other than an overpriced chain like Shake Shack or In n’ Out Burger to appeal to all the Californicators or Hipster D-bag New Yawkers we’ve been getting for over 20 years.

Thanks for everything Threadgill’s. Your food never disappointed me and the service was always good, even during the early years when Austin wasn’t helpful.

Posted in Austintatious | Tagged | Leave a comment

Trumpkins don’t believe in spelling neither

The GOP war on Education has been paying off as this sign in North Carolina proves.

Posted in News | Tagged , | Leave a comment

This is going to be my quarantine flag

In light of the moronavirus breakout Saturday, this will be my counter-terrorism flag to the terrorist symbol I remember seeing even in Illinois and Wisconsin. I need a can of spray paint to cover it up whenever it is found as I’ve decided that being a member of the Antifa is important, things are getting too close (aka Gilead) for comfort.

Posted in Austintatious | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Disenchantment characters remade seriously

Click on the picture to see them bigger!

My friend Steve (or as I refer to him as Stvee) did these “serious takes” on six key characters from my fave Disenchantment as part of a recent art challenge. I threw in some extra money toward his Kickstarter for going through all the trouble for me! I really love his interpretations on how they would look if they were real people. Nailed King Zog’s gruff nature, made Bean prettier and her mother Dagmar is no slouch. Elfo has that Sean Astin loser look the actor had in Encino Man, his pig has an endearing smugness Prince Merkimar suffers from (he’s learned nothing) and Luci is scary, as he should be.

Can’t wait to receive the originals and I always planned to integrate some of these characters into my D&D campaign. They’re too good to not use!

Posted in Comic Books, TV | Tagged , | Leave a comment