Welcome the Year of the Rat for February 2020!

Posted on February 1, 2020 by Steve

Of course I know that Chinese New Year was on January 25 this year but it’s traditionally around February in the West because we don’t use a Lunar-based calendar needing a special month every few years to prevent July feeling like December. I just wanted my Roaring Twenties header to hang in there a while longer since bringing in 2020 was the last time, I really felt…well, good in general, optimistic for obvious reasons (I miss her in some ways). Plus I had been researching famous rats, not mice, to decorate the header/banner. Originally, I was good with just four which would have me recycling the design I utilized on Leonard Nimoy/William Shatner but a new friend I’ve made brought up Splinter from TMNT and I dug a little deeper to discover Harry Potter’s best bud has a rat familiar named Scabbers (ick!). Therefore, I recycled the Batman/Superman/Wonder Woman 75ths.

It’s pretty amusing how different cultures view the rat too. Despite the Chinese knowing rats weren’t exactly a sign of good sanitation, they were viewed as clever and a creature to emulate via family size. I will stick to the Western perspective. They’re gross, pests and harbingers of horrible things, namely the Black Death. Their junk drags on the ground, leaving a trail of piss everywhere too. Why do you think exterminators carry those portable black lights? They’re not looking for your bitchin’ Led Zeppelin or Stoned Again! posters.

I also find it funny how The Year of the Rat falls once again on an election year in America’s farce called ‘democracy.’ Twelves years later and we’re dealing with another piece of shit rat in the White House but this one won’t be leaving thanks to term limits, Orange Foolius is running around, whipping up his goons into a frenzy to make this country safe for the inevitable Fascism it’s heading toward. The NeoLiberal Democrats whose names rhyme with badminton and yo’ mama share a good part of the blame in this mess as their economic policies match the GOP’s.

Enjoy your extended February with cheap, Chinese made valentines!

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While walking through South Philly…

Posted on January 30, 2020 by Steve

My LEGO® Avatar ran into these weird, rude people. I think at least half of them were drunk too. The named Mac kept boasting about his martial artistry so much, I could’ve sworn he was my college friend Phil.

They went on their way, some rally to support Gritty’s innocence and the well-groomed member told me to check out his bar.

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“Sean Connery” is improving on getting more social

Posted on January 28, 2020 by Steve

While I’ve been home sick for several days, I upgraded “Sean Connery” to a larger space in my house, one of the empty bedrooms. It’s rather perfect because he cannot hide anywhere but I did give him the cat cave-bed combo I bought long ago for Miguel. Given his anxiety, cat expert (catspert?) Jackson Galaxy highly recommends the cave-bed; it provides the cat a sense of security while getting them to be in the open.

I would say the new digs have succeeded as he now loves being petted and hugged.

Next step…new cat toys to burn off his excess energy until he is more comfortable with the rest of the house and I hope he stars cuddling with Isis.

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My car matches my teeth, redux!

Posted on January 27, 2020 by Steve

Every great city has at least a couple drawbacks and after 25 years in Austin, I’ve finally concluded the one which pisses me off to no end is that you can never have a nice car in good condition. My previous two got dinged by some asshole’s doors within a year which I’m pretty confident was either a fratboy/susie or a MAGA-hat-wearing dickhole via their F-350/SUV gas-guzzling penis surrogate.

As predicted, my bitchin’ Prius got ruined within six months by DPS and/or a moron who failed clear all their wreckage on MoPac which I couldn’t dodge as I ran it over. Couldn’t avoid it unless I wanted to destroy another car. Pass. Once every 30 years is enough.

The tear is manageable but I suspect I need to get the ‘hole’ covered up as it might be a sensor in there. Oh yeah, another great element of the miraculous economy we Texans have, about a third of the drivers here are uninsured.

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Check out my new “smart” water bottle!

Posted on January 27, 2020 by Steve

We constantly hear it in America, not sure about other countries, but we don’t drink enough water. Given all the unhealthy things we Americans generally guzzle in excess: soft drinks, booze, sweet tea (especially in the South), drip coffee, ‘sports’ drinks and Starbucks…we probably should consume water more often. As to how much on a daily basis? This is seriously up for debate as per “Adam Ruins Football” on Adam Ruins Everything. I feel there’s a happy medium, say, whenever you’re thirsty otherwise, overdoing it is the scam element to weight-loss programs like Nutri System®.

Either way, I had to get this really cool Hidrate Spark 3 smart bottle I got a break on from work. It’s tied to an app on my iPhone (BlueTooth!) which takes my health data (weight, age, etc), calculates what my (ideal) water intake should be. There’s a sensor rod inside to gauge the 20 ounces the bottle holds and as it syncs up, I progress on the goal, refilling it, blah blah. Obviously the cool part was shown in the movie (I added the sound effect, it doesn’t do the lightsaber thing), if I’m falling behind, the bottle glows like the power source to Doc Brown’s DeLorean to remind me. It’s like a perpetual game of Quarters! Best feature? If I can’t find it, I can hunt down in the same manner as a Tile® or Find My iPhone. Wish I had such luck with my last good pair of Beats.

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RIP Kobe Bryant

Posted on January 27, 2020 by Steve

That was a rotten way to go out and to add insult to injury, his daughter was with him. This happening in LA should shock no one when it comes to gossip sites/shows getting wind of it long before his widow. If LAPD is involvedl, more sordid crap will come to light; I’m confident many take kickbacks from the same gossip purveyors.

It’s a shame he died so soon after his retirement, but much like politicians, the cultural white-out we’re supposed to give the recently dead is underway. Suddenly all the rape accusations he was party to are supposed to be magically forgotten. I think it should always remain in the Kobe Bryant narrative even though he may have been acquitted, it can be an asterisk next to his name like Barry Bonds’ hitting record.

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It’s GSA cookie season! First ambush at Walgreens today

Posted on January 26, 2020 by Steve

Is it me or does cookie season get earlier every year? I do have to respect their pluck and initiative because their parents carry Square readers so you can’t use the excuse of, “Sorry, no cash.” This is normal in Austin, we are an early adopter city with out plastic and smartphone ways.

I was mainly at Walgreens this morning to test out my new health-savings debit card, pick up some Mucinex.

This duo of scouts was too charming with their sales skills. I went ahead with the five boxes for $20 deal. I also wanted to see if one adult’s Square reader could do contactless via Apple Pay. Nope yet I told the little ladies, I’m buying those cookies thanks to one mom having an Apple Watch. Besides, I have been a huge fan of GSA ever since their organize came out to wholeheartedly support American kids who aren’t “traditional children” in the eyes of Trumpkins, America’s modern Know Nothing Party or I prefer to call them, our homegrown Nazi movement. Having been called a faggot in my youth, I give my money to those who spread love not hate.

The two scouts made me laugh as they helped me take the loot to my car. They were too young to utilize false flattery as they said my Prius was cool and mistook it for a Ferrari!

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I spoke too soon about my well-being, caught a cold

Posted on January 26, 2020 by Steve

I was off to a great start this week, hell, this year then I came down with the first big cold for 2020! I tried to power through with HEB’s really bitchin’ chicken-noodle soup they sell in the pre-made meal section. It runs about nine smackers for a container (can’t remember how large it is, I’m going to guess around a pint). Throw in OJ, ginger ale and medicine.

No dice.

What sucked was the exact moment I felt the sore throat hit too. Within seconds of hearing the rain coming down in the evening.

I manage to pull through by yesterday yet I gave up seeing Nada Surf at the Mohawk in order to keep a more important promise to someone. I wanted to contribute celebrating this person’s new job! Who, what, etc…will have to wait. If you know me, I may blow it within a matter of hours. In all seriousness, I’m kidding. There’s connection and more importantly, I make this person laugh and she has healthy self esteem.

Back to the grind this week, namely getting to Genoa via Exercycle!

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The Rise of Skywalker: Must see!

Posted on January 24, 2020 by Steve

We’re finally out of Spoilers territory so I can blather my two cents. I also caught Rise at Alamo Drafthouse three times to make sure how I felt about it. First time during the special Thursday night screenings (due to my profession), the following Sunday with my friends visiting from the Netherlands and then about a month later with a new friend I promised to take.

Did this conclusion to what is supposed to be the Skywalker Family Saga pay off? Given it was JJ Abrams directing? I have to say a grudging “yes,” and thanks to Lucas lowering the bar with Phantom, Clones and Revenge, it was a relatively easy job. There were plausible explanations: questions answered about Rey, who was Supreme Leader Snoke and the state of the Galaxy…The First Order has conquered key Republic planets while Emperor Palpatine has alerted everybody he’s alive, pissed and ready to retake the throne.

Now comes the other Abrams’ elements I hate. It’s a lot of running justify, crap exploding, cheap heart-string tugging (some actors are retiring), introduced characters who don’t add to the story and some heavy suspension of disbelief with behavior and the passage of time.  In short, Rise shares the same complaints I have with Awakens and Last, re-watchability. I am glad to announce that I feel the door is left open enough for Rey, Poe and Finn to carry the baton through a new trilogy. Unfortunately, Daisy Ridley would prefer not to play Rey anymore courtesy of Incels. I hope she changes her mind, I like these new heroes as much as the ones from the past.

One upside is Disney’s rapacious nature with Star Wars. They are killing it on The Mandalorian, they’re bringing back the true finale to Clone Wars and their scrapped big-screen projects may live on through Disney+; Ewan McGregor is owed one opportunity to be Obi-Wan in a non-crap film. The evil mouse saw the setting as a character to exploit long before Paramount could on Star Trek or Fox with Alien.

Back to Rise. See it. Enjoy it. It’s designed to please a majority at varying levels of fandom. Despite the minor shortcomings, I have been relieved to see five films in a row without actors choking on Lucas’ bloated, clunky dialog.

Alamo Extras: Only about half of it was new this time. Two drag queens giving their opinions on the fashion choices made for Star Wars characters; Randy “Macho Man” Savage as the Emperor yelling at Darth Vader; scenes from Jabba’s Palace with all the characters re-dubbed with Muppet Show voices.

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1920: The Dutch refuse to give up the Kaiser

Posted on January 23, 2020 by Steve

A century ago, the Dutch told the winners of WWI to screw off. These days I highly doubt the Netherlands would take such a stand nor let a warmonger within their borders. More details are at this link. I’m not surprised his memoirs were full of crap on his role in the Great War. My friend’s book about why Germany lost lays much of the blame at the Kaiser’s feet, especially in setting up the nation for failure.

I didn’t know Churchill offered him refuge as the Nazis invaded. Obviously he refused because he felt some sick vindication through Hitler’s blitzkrieg success over the French and English.

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RIP Terry Jones

Posted on January 22, 2020 by Steve

So sad to see another Python pass away but poor Terry had been fading away via dementia over the last several years too.

Terry will be sorely missed because he was the member who directed the three hilarious movies the troop made. He also got the nod for an episode of The Young Indiana Jones Chronicles. My favorite non-Python show was Medieval Lives on Netflix. He told the truth about what Medieval English life was actually like. Oh it was still unpleasant but the truth about the period has been paved over by the Renaissance and Victorians.

Thanks for all the jokes, especially the naked man at the organ, Mr. Creosote and those middle-aged English ladies you played. You helped change humor throughout the English-speaking world through absurdity, satire and some outright gross stuff.

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Things are better than I thought

Posted on January 21, 2020 by Steve

Well, at least that’s what my therapist told me. Especially in light of the good news on the house’s foundation, the refinancing finally hitting the home stretch, the anticipated monthly payment being acceptable (I feared it would be close to double what I’ve been paying) and having a healthy attitude over the weekend’s main concern. I figured I was messing up but she said I’m soldiering on better than most, being over cautious probably. I still plan to see her again next week just to be safe, I can always screw up further. Much like comedian Marc Maron, I have a voice in my head which occasionally escapes when things are going well screaming, “Let’s screw it up! Let’s screw it up!” It isn’t as powerful anymore as one thing I’ve learned through my therapist and group, it’s OK to say, “I deserve happiness. I deserve good things.” It isn’t selfish because you share this attitude.

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Trickle down predates recorded history!

Posted on January 21, 2020 by Steve

I’ve been playing D&D since 1981 and much like the IT profession, our gaming ranks do include an abundance of Incels who buy into this economic bullshit. This is pretty funny since it’s spot-on with how flawed St. Reagan’s “Voodoo Economics” is (a term coined by his VP, Bush the Elder).

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My MLK joke doesn’t translate to Europeans

Posted on January 20, 2020 by Steve

As much as I love getting a paid-holiday off/on from work, I’m always annoyed by my country’s obsession with commercializing the day. There’s always sales set around the Fourth of July, Presidents’ Day (it covers at least two), Memorial Day, etc.

In recent years, the Civil Rights leader Martin Luther King got his observed birthday to be recognized as a National Holiday. Other than employers, who objected? Banks look for any reason to be closed. Kids love a day off from school. Oh right…racists and NeoConfederates.

Sadly, it’s another blitz of ads and sales to get people to go shopping over the three-day weekend, not to spend at least an hour reflecting on the guy’s point on making America a more just and equal society.

Therefore I love to tell my annual joke…

*Ahem!*

Remember my fellow Americans. MLK had a dream!

A dream in which you can save 20% on all bedding and mattresses this week at Mattresses Plus!

A dream in which the children of all colors and creeds could hold hands and get down to Toyotathan, get a great deal on the latest Camry or Tacoma!

It gets a chuckle and/or groan amongst my friends and co-workers. This year, I reminded my friend Jeremy about this over there in the Netherlands, where they don’t have the day off, because they’re “socialists,” unlike our center-right government that only gives MLK reluctant lip service. He tried it out on his non-American/Canadian co-workers. It resulted in a puzzled look. They didn’t understand what MLK had to do with saving money on mattresses and the majority thought Toyotathan was a car race like Daytona.

Now that’s comedy!

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Next step into modifying the house, shoring up the foundation

Posted on January 19, 2020 by Steve

The original impetus for crap going south in my recent relationship was getting the news from the credit union on refinancing my house; this is something I have to do to take Somara off the mortgage as per the decree.

The appraisal came in lower than what Travis County believes in their fairy-tale math, thus, it lowered how much I can borrow. Not the potential, worse, what I was aiming for.

A deciding factor was the foundation as there a signs of the house shifting, a common issue around Central Texas given the land being a few inches of soil resting on clay. The clay is what sucks and causes all the trouble. This led to me having to bring out an inspector to assess how awful the situation was. 

It wasn’t all bad news, I think it was mostly good. The inspector said I could press with the credit union about the foundation passing as the back end hasn’t sunk that much. I did ask for a ball-park guess on what this would cost and what would be utilized (I researched a little bit online). He said $1500 and he’d go with reinforced concrete to shore it up.

Phew! I feared the damage would be more in the five digits and the house would need something dramatic, like steel rods or mudjacking (it’s how we solve it in the Midwest).

The inspector’s other encouraging advice I put off years ago was to install gutters. I said, I thought the drought was the problem. He said, not so much, it’s the rain and based upon the crappy roof design, some of the runoff is concentrated enough to be a pile driver hammering away at the nearby ground.

Here’s to the next step in getting all the nasty crap in my life into the rear-view mirror.

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