Trip to Big D to see Hoser & Nancy 2019!

Suck it Cowboys and Bears!

The Green Bay Packers came to Dallas for the first time in six years, I think, and so Hoser and Nancy let me come up to visit. I made assurances to Nancy that I wasn’t up to spread the gospel of divorce, trust me, I’m not a fan nor do I wish it on anyone, unless their spouse is a complete asshole.

Given how greedy Jerry is, we weren’t going to give him a dime by being anywhere near his subsidized empire. He charges $75 just to park there! What a shitbag!

Before the game, I didn’t make it up until Saturday evening due to their plans and I wanted to attend my hockey team’s opener. I could’ve arrived sooner if it weren’t for an accident through downtown Dallas. I thought Austin rubberneckers were bad, Big D’s drivers are even worse. Plus you can always count on delays caused by those delicious Czech stops along I-35 for snacks.

Hoser and I still stayed up to rap, smoking cigars I brought in his new backyard of the now permanent Chez Martinez in the ‘burb of McKinney. You’ll have to get a tour from him, I could never do it justice. This place reminded me of why I want to tear out the carpeting in my house and replace it with more durable, easier to clean flooring like wood, tile or something less disgusting a cat pisses on it.

After brunch at Rudy’s (the menu is different in Dallas than Austin) we hunted down a local joint to watch the game. The one Hoser relied on closed. D’oh! Thankfully, Plano has a sizable ex-pat population of Midwesterners who cheer on Chicago and Green Bay. We caught the tail end of da’ Bears blowing their lead against the Raiders in a game played in the UK via Fox. I managed to come up with a pre-9/11 Dennis Miller quip to razz our mutual Bears-fan-friend Paul, “Hmmm. I haven’t seen any team choke so hard in London since the Luftwaffe.” Classy as always, I received an “F-U” from Paul but I think Hoser’s response of “What’s the Luftwaffe?” was more disturbing. I asked, “They did cover WWII in Puerto Rico? If not, here’s a spoiler alert, we won.”

Beyond the Packers’ crumbling defense in the second half which was rescued by the clock running out, I would say the only other horrible thing we saw was Ellen DeGeneres sitting next war criminal Spurious George, the ex-prez who was selected by SCOTUS for 2000. Goes to show you how wealth trumps morality given the asshole’s record on gay rights in addition to torture and trumped up intelligence costing us over $2 trillion in blood and treasure. Thankfully the Internet is quick to rightfully condemn as this graphic appeared immediately to refute her bullshit excuse this morning:

Maybe it will lead to the cancelling of her rather boring yap show. There’s no shortage of that ignorant crap on TV for people over 60.

Overall though, it was a brief yet great weekend to spend with Nancy, Hoser and his dogs whose names I cannot quite remember entirely. The new one below is larger and she’s called Lambeau. The other dog, he’s been around for years, Max! They’re both cool and like all big animals, they think they fit on your lap.

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Midsommar: Acquired Taste

I can do this for October, review Horror Movies since I managed to see multiple flicks of this genre to highlight one each week, Midsommar is a little late.

Holy Crap! This movie was probably the best Horror/Thriller I’ve seen all year and Us is a tough one to beat. Admittedly, I haven’t seen Hereditary, which is the director’s previous work but I wanted to check out Midsommar because, let’s face it, the Swedes are a stereotypically nice, harmless people since the 1700s. I also took on the recommendation of a person who I tend to bombard with music opinions so it was only fair to take her advice on a movie I normally wouldn’t see.

The premise involves a young woman named Dani who self-invites herself to her cowardly boyfriend’s research trip to Sweden; Christian is a coward to me because he wants to break up with her but lacks the guts. The first 15 minutes of the film will explain why. Originally invited by exchange student Pelle, Christian and his graduate student buddies are headed to Pelle’s remote home village in northern Sweden to observe his people’s annual Summer Solstice ritual they’ve maintained from pre-Christian times.

At first, things are only weird with a lowercase ‘w.’ The Sun never seems to set, the villagers wear medieval attire, few people speak English, there’s not much electricity and recreational drug use (mushrooms) is allowed. Dani and the gang are not the only outsiders brought to see this, a young couple from London came to see the festivities yet they’re not students. Nothing suspicious there.

Christian’s friend, Josh is primarily there for research toward his graduate-level thesis. He is allowed to take notes yet no photos, can’t use real names and above all, he cannot borrow any materials the village stores in a sacred shed, photos of those texts are definitely forbidden. This being a Horror movie, we all know that Josh cannot help himself for he’s a curious scientist and awful things result.

However, Josh breaking the rules isn’t what gets Midsommar‘s horror rolling. You will have to see it to find out. The only clue I will give is this, some pre-Christian rituals to keep the harvest prosperous are pretty gruesome. Having witnessed these, Dani and her fellow outsiders are frightened and try to figure out their escape from what they consider mass insanity.

Dani and Christian’s dying relationship continues to be a plot point throughout this ongoing freak show too. In my opinion, I think certain villagers sensed this (or Pelle tipped them) and they use the ongoing tension to drive a nastier wedge between the couple to serve the community’s purpose. Again, you have to watch this to discover what wicked purpose these crazy Swedes have plotted.

Alamo Extras: A guy singing in Swedish for a variety show about some kind of smelly food they like; Newsreels showing how Swedes celebrated the Solstice in the Thirties, another in the Sixties; Swedish band Gregorious singing “YMCA” in their native tongue! The letters are different, “NMKY,” and oy, those Seventies short shorts!; Silent movie showing flowers grow by magic; a meat pie commercial from the UK starring the puppets of Spitting Images; an [adult swim] skit of Hippie Joe being interviewed; Trailers for “Black Narcissus” and “I Drink Your Blood.”; lastly, a Tutorial on Folk Horror:

  1. Always set in a rural location, untouched by time. (Many were made in the Seventies to highlight the UK’s growing anxiety.)
  2. Themes of isolation.
  3. Elements of Paganism, Witchcraft or Satanism.
  4. Sacrifice without the use of modern violence.
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Stars lose their first opener

Not bad for a relatively new team, our streak of ten years came to an end with a 0-2 loss to the Roadrunners. I wasn’t terribly upset since the first official game of the season isn’t a true indicator of how the whole year is going to be. I think you get a better idea by Thanksgiving with hockey.

This team is also loaded with rookies, about ten, which is rather high for an AHL franchise and everyone has to remember, the Dallas Stars’ needs come first. Many of our players are here to gain more NHL-level experience so they’re ready to be called up whenever there’s an injury, a trade or somebody not pulling their weight.

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Flyers win their opener in Prague!

Bettman’s continued gamble to make inroads on Putin’s private little league, the KHL, another set of teams opened their season in a European country which loves hockey. This time in Prague and with two teams that are not rivals, mine and the Blackhawks. I can’t see the appeal of either with the Czechs; the Blackhawks aren’t a winning franchise anymore and the Flyers don’t receive much respect even when their parent corporation owns NBC.

But a W is a W and I’ll take it. The benefit of playing far away was getting to catch the outcome piecemeal over the Internet while I was at work and before I go to my Stars’ season opener in North Reaganstan.

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100,000 Calories!

I achieved this milestone on the in-door bike at the gym today! It only took a couple years and sadly, I’m still overweight! If I remember my Chemistry, I have produced enough energy to raise 100,000 grams of water 1° C or 1 gram of water 100,000° C, probably would be plasma long before this temperature.

I did look up the joule thing. The easiest calculation I found via Britannica (to verify Wikipedia) was this; I could power a 1 Watt LED for 420,000 seconds (4 days, 20 hours, 40 minutes) or 420,000 1 Watt LEDs for a second.

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Funny, Chinese knockoff LEGO® Star Wars® set and gift

A friend at work who knew how much I love LEGOs scored this hilarious Chinese knockoff as a prize to give me. As the picture above shows, I don’t think the pirates behind it were even trying! I’m guessing they’re counting on the average Chinese citizen has little idea how Western languages work. Stars Wars? Who the hell is QS08? Maybe in Mandarin it sounds similar to LEGO. I’ll close with a couple funny closeups.

Han could use some Pepto Bismol.

A Stormtrooper flying the Falcon and the cockpit is open?

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RIP Kim Shattuck

Kim’s name probably doesn’t bring up any particular memories until I mention the band she formed in the early Nineties, the Muffs. Then you’d recall their only “hit,” a cover of Kim Wilde’s “Kids in America” from the Clueless soundtrack.

There was much more to Kim for me. I stumbled upon the Muffs through a Christmas compilation as they covered “Nothing For Me.” Her bratty, nearly screeching voice really captured the raw emotional pain a kid would feel if Santa stiffed them. However, she didn’t do this to the point you wanted to plug your ears like whenever Courtney Love opens her mouth. No, Kim knew how to do this in moderation, thus I owned a couple more Muffs albums and enjoyed what they did.

Several years ago, Kim joined the Pixies as their bassist. When I heard, I was thrilled, I figured she was a great match. Nope. The band fired her because she was “too enthusiastic,” a description I would never associate with the Pixies and I guess they wanted to maintain their rather blah stage presence. They do get a few points back for letting Weird Al join them once.

Thanks for everything Kim! I’m glad you managed to be strong enough to complete a final Muffs album before passing away. Your energy and humor will be greatly missed.

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October’s usual festivities are suspended for 2019

I often look forward to celebrating three of the biggest things happening October which aren’t Halloween: Italian Heritage, Pizza and a silly thing FM AOR stations invented called Rocktober, a new story idea I wanted to cover, more on it later.  I just don’t have the energy nor the time to dedicate much to any of these subjects in order to do them any justice while I brace for the divorce. A retainer isn’t cheap and you have to be ready to refill it when over half the money in it has been spent.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the Header Art and I plan to do something equally cool next year to explain why this Eighties-inspired style has anything to do with Italians. The plan I have in mind for 2020 will be to pre-write stories involving Italians throughout the year so they’ll be ready to pop up on schedule in October. I’m open to suggestions if you have anyone I haven’t written about. You know how to reach me.

Pizza? It’s weird how the delicacy receives a national day AND a separate month. I’ll take it, pizza rocks! My plan is to have a podcast or something recorded to share with everyone courtesy of someone I consider a pizza aficionado.

Rocktober. At the end of 2018, I found a site and sadly I’ve never been able to relocate it, that made a series of shirts featuring the album covers of my favorite bands. Believe me, these aren’t acts you’d find easily at Hot Topic: Ultravox, Midnight Oil and Hoodoo Gurus are quick examples. The point was to explain why I love a particular record and how it influenced my tastes. Maybe I can do a sequel putting good friends on the spot regarding the one album they loved with the same side effect. Anyone under 40 will be tough to ask as we’ve moved more towards being a singles-oriented culture thanks to streaming. It’s not entirely bad, certain acts’ albums were often filled with crap…just not what I like!

Meanwhile, keep enjoying what else I discover and I promise, October 2020 will be a return to form as I scratch the itch for knowledge on knowing Italians are more than gangsters, pizza chefs and entertainers.

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WizWorld gels, new gym hours, new fiscal year!

The people running WizWorld Austin were really playing it close to the chest this year. I had been checking about twice a week all Summer on who was coming and their site just kept saying bupkis. Thankfully it shored up as my employer gave me three extra vacation days to celebrate our hard work as Apple adds services (Apple TV+, Apple Pay/Cash/Card, etc.) to our plate. I’m glad that I’m a call-center-oriented employee because I can use the days whenever I wish and not be rushed into figuring out the Thanksgiving week.

So who’s coming. Wallace Shawn & Carey Elwes of The Princess Bride! INCONCEIVABLE! Henry Winkler too. Barry Williams of The Brady Bunch, ok. With those extra days, I went ahead and expended one to hit the convention on Friday. It’s better to burn up Friday afternoon waiting in line to get my three-day badge than worrying on Saturday morning while all the good photo ops expire.

The new fiscal year kicked off this week too. The coolest part was the expansion of my favored gym’s hours. It will open at 9 AM on Sundays! The 6 PM closing on weekends will be nice too but the Sunday opening really matters. I won’t have to reschedule Alamo movies to mid afternoon as I do all I can to complete at least an hour of cardio.

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Twenty-five hundred miles for 2019!

Honolulu is in the dust as Cork is now where I’ve set my immediate goal alongside 3000 miles for 2019 with today. The new enhanced pace is paying off.

What I would give for this making the weight go away faster!

See you again when I land on the Emerald Island in what my European friends say is the call center of the EU.

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How I feel on most mornings…

The new Hidden Side LEGO sets were released and they’re pretty exciting since these are the first to implement the new augmented reality technology! Apple is even selling half of them should you go into a store or browse online.

I scored the Shrimp Shack at the LEGO Store and as a reward, they gave me an exclusive extra; a juice bar which transforms into a monster. Pretty funny!

Above, I made a funny GIF incorporating the possessed barista and my avatar. I hope you get a laugh from it. I had a great time making this but need to hunt down a better GIF-making application. The one I utilized didn’t do the in-betweening with the two core photos; I had to do the tedious transitions with Photoshop. Wahhhh! First World Problems.

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What I got to have at lunch recently!

Click on the little movie to find out!

One day, I will get to see the episode of the sitcom this joke comes from.

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A realistic mannequin that resulted in hate mail for writer

Regardless of the store displaying this, I have to applaud them for finally using a model that isn’t the ideal, a fiction with our planet’s majority. I can’t remember the exact story but Tanya Gold from the The Guardian (whoops, The Telegraph, she was in my paper of record later on) expressed her opinion regarding this. It resulted in her being insulted, criticized, etc. Nevermind she readily admitted to not being svelte or model-level gorgeous. The whole debacle appeared to be part of the ongoing war between fat acceptance v. defeating the obesity pandemic (centered in the US but growing in the UK). How? Mrs. Gold proposed the mannequin was the retailer trying to normalize an unhealthy physique. Ergo, the nasty people accused her of fat shaming.

Ugh! It’s not cognitive dissonance, a popular and overused phrase alongside “with all due respect” (screw you without it coming across as so, still does morons) or “basically…” (ummm, no, it just is that, so remove the redundant word please)…excuse me, sidetracked by how irritated I get by lazy speakers. Again, it is possible to be of two minds about obesity without being compared to moronic GOP voters who elect assholes responsible for destroying their economic security. Obesity or being overweight isn’t a binary matter.

Firstly, I think the mannequin is a step in the right direction toward the acceptance of body types. There are people who are quite athletic and disciplined gym attendees yet they retain a non-Hollywood shape/size. At least they can see what the gear will look like and to me it says, “Hey, let’s help you overcome your objection to improving your life because you don’t think you’re entitled to these outfits.” I applaud everyone who makes the effort to hit the gym I belong to. It’s work, period! If the author or people want to mock a non-living thing, so be it. Stores use all kinds of weird things to get us to buy crap.

Secondly, the counter argument. Of course fat shaming people isn’t helping anybody but I don’t think it’s all coming from a malicious place. The West is suffering from weight issues which has led to a rise in type-two diabetes, blown-out knees, back pain and heart disease, self-inflicted illnesses. It can be hard to motivate someone you care about, someone you love, etc., to take action before it’s too late. Thus, it comes off as a verbal assault through guilt, shame and/or threats, real or perceived. Live and let live is a good strategy to follow but I have to side with Science. We cannot allow our fellow humans slowly commit suicide in addition to all the environmental, social and economic damage we’re collectively doing by our mostly inactive lifestyles.

As for those assholes who cheered on Palin as she drank a Big Gulp at the podium, claiming it’s their right to kill themselves, so a sugar tax is unconstitutional (it isn’t). Remember, your claim is still reined in by the cliché of your right to swing your fist around ends at the edge someone else’s face. Your unnaturally occurring diabetes through negligence and binge watching should result in paying a higher premium to offset the rest of us carrying your lazy asses. Years ago, my employer finally did this to smokers. A hypocritical Libertarian (is there any other?) complained this was discrimination aimed at him. My rebuttal entailed why the hike was too low given that smokers have to use more sick days on average (breathing-based illnesses) and few ever follow their work schedule due to their smoke breaks throughout the day. A lawyer friend joked about saying someone should sue to get porn-viewing breaks to sate their addiction. It all circles back to why the people I’m mocking don’t want a Bismarckian healthcare system/solution. A huge element in them is prevention via diet and exercise over America’s “give me a cure when I’m screwed” approach. Prevention saves money as well as lives in the long run. However, prevention requires “work” and “effort,” two words not in the Trumpkin lexicon while the strategy is anathema to the bloated, corporate oligarchs running healthcare insurance.

To circle back. Should we mock fat people? Obviously not. Children do this and they’re sociopaths. Teens and young adults do this because they’re insecure assholes. On the other hand, we shouldn’t pity them, keep your concerns about their well being to yourself is for the best. What we should do is encourage and praise everyone getting to the gym, raising their heart rate for 30-plus minutes a day due to all the good effects exercise has on combatting depression, silencing anxiety, improving your heart’s resilience, slowing dementia and the list goes on. What their body resembles is irrelevant, the gym is helping the inside more.

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1.5 Million Words!

It’s a long way to two million words at the rate I’m going but thanks to my long navel-gazing piece about Mission Hill, I hit the million-and-a-half mark! It took over 14 years yet I found this worth every step of the journey.

Today is also Somara’s birthday. I will break my silence policy to wish her a happy day, may she have fun, celebrate with her parents and do what brings joy. I do regret I cannot participate for numerous reasons but maybe in the future, we can get the crappiness of divorce behinds us and raise a glass to her next time.

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1999: Mission Hill debuted today on the (now CW) WB network

From left to right: Vicki Lewis as Posey (News Radio, Mousehunt), Scott Menville as Kevin (Robin on Teen Titans Go!, Ben 10), Wallace Langham as Andy (Larry Sanders, For All Mankind) and Brian Posehn (Big Bang Theory, Mr. Show)

A big thank you to Bill Oakley’s Twitter feed to remind us all on this momentous date in adult-orient animation history (and progress!). There’s a fantastic, long piece regarding Mission Hill on Polygon from 2017 here. It goes into the level of detail I’m going to skip because Julia Alexander did it justice.

No, I’m going to blather on about other jazz for Mission Hill grew to be something close to my heart, it’s a tad biographical. Not to the letter, more along the overall vibe.

NUMBER ONE: I often find myself wondering how this Gen X cartoon could’ve been a hit if the streaming ecosystem we now have existed sooner. Even today, most cable networks lack the budgets and balls to gamble on animation that’s more adult. The list of one- or two-season victims is quite long (a series idea I’m cultivating too), some successes survived because cost-saving tactics were used to tough it out until they succeeded. South Park shifted to computer-assisted means and only has a voice cast of two people with no range. Archer has very limited movement thanks to its ancestors Sealab 2021 and Frisky Dingo proving it worked. [adult swim]’s cornerstones The Venture Brothers and Robot Chicken only have new seasons every couple years. If it isn’t on Fox, don’t hold your breath and I think this will end soon as Disney’s acquisition will end reruns on [adult swim].

Netflix would’ve been the logical home for Mission Hill but I doubt we’d see anyone’s junk like Big Mouth or Tuca & Bertie despite the paid service having more open Standards & Practices. Case in point, Oakley & Weinstein write for Disenchantment, you never see Princess Bean’s exposed body beyond a bare back, although I need to rewatch season two (posted four days ago), maybe you see her butt on Dreamland’s annual laundry day. Same goes for Bojack Horseman, as in no genitals or boobs.

Streaming would’ve definitely made it a hit. DVRs helped lead to streaming but only the time-shifting element. Who is going set their DVR to record something when the network showing it barely promotes it AND it airs on Friday evenings! The majority of Americans under 30 (or under 40 without children) stay home to watch TV…WB would’ve made more  money setting palettes of hundred-dollar bills on fire.

Enough about the what if. I will close this angle with some hope of AT&T having the good sense to include Mission Hill in the vault of IP they own to be a part of HBO Max.

NUMBER TWO: I remember my initial skepticism of seeing the show on [adult swim] during the fledgling channel’s early years. When I learned that Oakley & Weinstein created it, I was sold.

Here’s why I was reluctant though. Several years after The Simpsons became a fixture, newer cartoons were sometimes promoted with “from the creators/writers of The Simpsons” as a byline. Not much nuance in such a marketing tactic. The Critic? James L. Brooks with Al Jean & Mike Reiss…mostly accurate. Duckman? Spurious at best as it was produced by the animation group The Simpsons ditched for Rough Draft. Besides, numerous shows employ dozens of writers in their lifespans and obviously not all of them are talented, some are just lucky they got a chance to put Seinfeld on their resume.

WB gambled on Simpson fans seeking out their mediocre network, endure less funny shows to check out this cartoon to pump up the core audience which wanted the weaker crap Mission Hill was anchored to. Again, Simpson fans can be obsessed dorks (guilty here) yet we have lives and rarely stay home to watch TV on a Friday.

Thankfully [adult swim] revived it by running all episodes. I was immediately hooked by the pilot as I related to Andy’s dilemmas involving underemployment, parents foisting a younger sibling’s demands on me (the 91-X shirt incident) and how much I loved/hated struggling in the bowels of a metropolis. One of show’s best jokes happens in the pilot: Andy has to bail Kevin out of the principal’s office. Given the rough timeline we see in a couple flashbacks, we do get an idea of how old Andy and Jim are, squarely in the middle of Gen X. Oakley, Weinstein and I are older members (the vanguard) but the jokes/situations were relatable, namely this revelation Andy had after a job interview. Millennials were smart enough not to be as obsessed with kitsch as we were, another aspect the cartoon captures through Andy and Jim. Few people under 40 or over 55 would understand.

NUMBER THREE: I wrote about this years ago but I had the great fortune of having a brief correspondence with Bill Oakley via a Mission Hill fan site. It was in the pre-Twitter/Facebook days. He with Josh Weinstein were generous enough to let me have a few scenes/layered cels from the show. They’re quite amazing plus Mission Hill is a piece of animation history as it was the last cartoon to utilize hand-painted cels. By the Aughts, newer shows transitioned to computers painting them which also cut down on a side effect called cel shadows; you may see them on older cartoons whenever a scene has numerous moving elements (ergo, a dozen or more layers stacked on each and the camera reveals the depth via a shadow around the edges of a character’s head or a vehicle’s wheels). Computers’ boosted accuracy allows cels to contain multiple animated pieces instead of one. At least one Mission Hill set is framed but I couldn’t find it in time, sorry. Still hunting it down. Need to locate the remainder too. When found, I do promise to display them here because they’re incredible and they make me laugh for I know their context. They need to go on tour at work as I promised some people they could see them.

Those cels strengthened my personal connection to Mission Hill. I’m glad my life didn’t quite mirror Andy’s (the tooth I lost is in the back) but I often found myself cheering him on in his misadventures due to us being kindred spirits. I should’ve had a more positive attitude while being underemployed like he did, instead my inner Kevin was in control.

Nowadays, Josh Weinstein is the show runner for Disenchantment which returned to Netflix for season two (finally!) and I think it’s a hit. I’m already jonesin’ for season three, damned cliffhangers. Bill Oakley chips in too, he nailed the first season’s cliff hanger episode, that’s no wonder, he co-wrote the “Who Shot Mr. Burns?” arc which kept America in suspense during the Summer of 1995. You can also follow Bill on Twitter as he critiques fast food around his current home of Portland. I wonder if I could convince him to visit Austin to review my adopted city’s cuisine/local chains as I get his autograph on my Simpson Chucks alongside other writers and voices.

If you’ve never seen Mission Hill and you live around Austin, ask me, I’ll gladly loan you my DVD set. Elsewhere? I think they’re all posted on YouTube. Fingers crossed AT&T brings it and other secret hits (Oblongs, Robotomy) out of the shadows and on to their streaming service be it HBO Max or something more confusing sounding.

Thanks for everything Bill, Josh, Tom Kenny (pre-Spongebob Squarepants), Tress MacNeille, Nick Jameson, Dave Thomas (yeah, the guy from SCTV), Lisa Arch (MADtv alum), the principle cast I listed above, the other writers, episode directors, Jennifer Jason Leigh as a guest (love you Weirdie!) and the dozens of other production people.

Mission Hill lives on and to me it’s a snapshot of the humorous past along the lines of John Hughes’ good teen movies nailing the zeitgeist of its day.

Bling blong! and Gooooooooo Cavemen!

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