RIP Daryl Dragon, aka Captain

Daryl passed away a couple days ago after years of illness which had become so bad, he could not play the piano.

I wrote more extensively about him, his famous family members and career with Toni about four years ago here.

Maybe having Captain & Tennille’s hit “Lonely Nights (Angelface)” on a short playlist I have called Earworms should’ve been a warning sign. Nah, I don’t believe in such nonsense. However, I will defend the merits of the duo’s work to the end because their “cheese” were pretty complicated productions and they were instrumental to future rock stars in the background.

Farewell Daryl. You were one of my inspirations to learn to play the piano. Had I known being a musician could’ve made me a lady magnet, I would’ve stuck with it longer.

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RIP Bob Einstein, aka SuperDave Osbourne

My generation knows him best as his ever-failing stuntman character, SuperDave Osbourne but Bob comes from Comedy royalty, his brother is the master Albert Brooks and their father was Harry Einstein, aka Parkyakarkus. However, he got his start alongside Steve Martin writing for The Smother Brothers show in the late Sixties. Little did I know, Bob had a cameo in at least one of Albert’s movies too. I need to hunt it down.

As for SuperDave, I first saw the bit as a kid on The Redd Foxx show (Thursday nights on ABC) and was puzzled. I wasn’t old enough to understand parodies or satire yet. The only stunt I remembered then was him calling New York Yankees manager Billy Martin a foul name, then getting beaten up. The character then returned on the Showtime adult comedy show Bizarre in which he tried to hit a Dwight Gooden (the most popular pitcher in the mid-Eighties) fastball, blindfolded. Obviously we know what follows or as SuperDave responded to the announcer if he was alright, “What do you think? I’ve Rawlings imprinted on my nuts!”

Thanks for all the off-beat jokes Bob. You helped me widen my tastes.

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Star Wars: Ahsoka by E. K. Johnston

When Ahsoka Tano made her debut in Clone Wars (both the movie and series) I will readily admit that I found the character precious and annoying. Star Wars was once again drowning the franchise in saccharine-covered dialog with a kid-friendly padawan. Maybe the show runners/writers realized this quickly because there was a shift within a couple seasons which led to her being one of my favorite Jedi. The show also had her grow older as the show (and war) progressed. Ahsoka being revealed as Fulcrum in Rebels filled me with glee too; it meant Order 66 either ignored her or she escaped alongside Obi-Wan and Yoda. Lastly, the voice actress (Ashley Eckstein) started a clothing store called Her Universe to accommodate female fans better due to most shirts being unisex, plus she really embrace her status as a geek/nerd icon.

Enough backstory regarding the character’s existence and voice. It’s about time Ahsoka received her own novel!

Ahsoka begins one year after Revenge of the Sith. Changing her name to Ashla, Ahsoka has been hiding out on the Outer Rim planet of Thabeska as a repair technician employed by a local family’s transport business, the Fardis. When the Empire enlarges its presence in order to gobble up more resources for Palpatine’s military build-up, she steals a ship and goes deeper into the galactic “boonies.” Ahsoka feels guilty about not fighting back but staying alive and unnoticed is more important. She finds an agricultural backwater moon called Raada to settle in on. Within a month, the Empire sets up a garrison there too, enslaving the workers to grow a crop which will leave their soil barren after a mere season. This tears it for our hero and she gets involved with the local resistance, primarily to guide them into waging a smarter campaign.

Little does Ahsoka know, the Empire has sent an inquisitor to investigate reports of somebody using the Force on Thabeska…and it’s one of the Fardi children, not her. So she realizes it has become to necessary to juggle her time between the two worlds, all without her lightsabers or demonstrating her Force powers; her famous blades were buried in a false grave on Mandalore to make the Empire believe she and Captain Rex died in the final days of the Clone Wars. Ahsoka’s covert actions don’t go unnoticed entirely, a certain Senator from Alderaan begins to receive intelligence reports of Jedi-like guerrilla warfare happening in the Outer Rim. 

You need to read the book to find out more.

Johnston did a fantastic job balancing all the elements needed to make a good Star Wars novel: the nerdy details and pacing. It was hard to put down. The story is a must read for fans and I would go on a limb to recommend Ahsoka to casual Star Wars readers or watchers. I hope the people running the novels given the author another crack at filling in the gap leading to Rebels. A fanboy dream of mine would be see Ahsoka have a cameo in the upcoming Episode IX despite her being over 70.

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Modifying the Header early today

I made all the changes for next month/year today because we will be attending a party held by really nice friends tonight. When I wake up on New Year’s Day is anyone’s guess as I try to get my sleep hygiene back in line for 2019.

January 2019 celebrates my first in-person meeting with Somara. We met online through match.com (I highly recommend it despite the obnoxious people in the commercials), spoke a few times by e-mail and phone calls, then decided to meet at a nearby Chili’s which is gone, they relocated closer to I-35. We used to have a anniversary meal there but Somara doesn’t really like them so we’ve modified it to the nearby Wings n’ More on Howard.

It’s been quite a ride over these two decades. I would’ve never predicted being married to her for 15 years though. Having greater success with women now that I was in my thirties was a strange experience but getting a permanent job was my main concern then, having a relationship wasn’t the number one thing, it was more of a distraction so I wouldn’t obsess about money or just sit around a coffee shop I fell in love with, writing letters to friends.

I’m a pretty lucky guy. It’s not everyday a Sci-Fi fan can meet a woman close to my age. So all you younger people, be grateful the Internet tore down the barriers separating us and helped make geeky/nerdy stuff popular.

On to 30 years and I hope to see more of you all in 2019.

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The Platinum Age of Television by David Bianculli

If you’re a fan of Fresh Air, then you are probably familiar with the author since he’s the TV Critic and sometimes guest host. I usually tune out the last 5-10 minutes of the show anyway because I tend not to give a crap about the music, TV, film or book reviews, they’re like The Onion‘s writers, too focused on the super obscure or Jazz remasters. However, one night, David was the guest for a change, plugging his latest book explaining that we currently live in the Platinum Age of Television. Personally, I agree. Thanks to streaming services giving experienced creators more freedom to tell stories, the cable networks and broadcasters have had to step up their game. Pay channels in the Nineties started the first onslaught yet they’re in trouble as people are ditching cable/satellite and younger adults entering the greater consumer market aren’t even bothering to subscribe. One thing I want to make clear, and the author would agree, there’s been good shows throughout the years, just tastes are subjective like it is with music and film. I wouldn’t disagree on good stuff being in short supply during some years, film is guilty of this in spades.

Bianculli dissects the good TV down into 18 general genres, highlights five ancestors over the decades that defined each genre while sprinkling in some honorable mentions. To break up the genre analyses, he has interviews with numerous creators and actors who have contributed to the evolution. He managed to get to the great Garry Handling before he died and Louis CK and Kevin Spacey before they were publicly outed as shitbags. The interview sections can be a grind if you’re just not into the guy behind The Sopranos or Mad Men. Skipping those sections won’t take away from the book’s goal.

I beg to differ on a few of his choices (I think SNL is crap and has been uneven its entire history) but I defer to his expertise in the end, plus he’s about a decade older than I am which puts him closer to the medium’s earlier development. Can’t argue with a guy who is a genuine Academic on the subject too, he teaches at Rowan University. Lastly, the man is paid to watch all this television and sometimes gets to see episodes before we do in order to have a review ready the day after. My best friend Hoser would be in paradise to land such a job. I think my brain would melt.

Platinum isn’t for everybody. I would only recommend this for my friends who love TV/Film, Joe Bob Briggs’ books, maybe TV History and/or want to know how things got to be the way they are. For example, how Hill Street Blues broke the mold on Crime/Cop shows in the Eighties and paved the way for Breaking Bad 3o years later.

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Farewell to two titles and the return of the Fantastic Four

After 40 years, Elfquest wrapped up with Cutter and his allies achieving their final quest. What that was, I have no idea, I stopped reading the comics way back in high school when issues showed up at irregular intervals and I think the title was in a magazine format. I do recall Marvel picked up reprinting the earlier stuff via their creator-owned publisher Epic and maybe Dark Horse did too. Despite the the story and art, I personally grew tired of Wendy Pini’s style along with overdosing on elves in general by the time I was 16, Elfquest is an amazing success story. Back when Wendy and Richard Pini started this comic in 1978, there’s no public accessible Internet, direct sales for comics is in its infancy so newsstands remained the main distribution system, fan conventions were uncommon and a woman artist-writer was rarer than a unicorn. Hell, the guy who had all the issues when I was attending Strake Jesuit, it was a mystery how he got them. Fortunately time and luck were on their side as the times changed thanks to Star WarsStar Trek conventions and the rise of D&D. On the latter, the main characters were featured in a Dragon column that approximated D&D stats/classes from novels, comics or movies if DMs wanted to incorporated them in their campaign. With the saga ending, you can probably get a complete omnibus edition at your local comic book store in 2019.

The bigger farewell for me was Bongo Comics and their anchor title The Simpsons ending after 25 years. I should’ve seen the writing on the wall when the Bart Simpson and Futurama comics ended in 2017. Not really sure what the details on Bongo hanging it up but they were a somewhat daring publisher because they were exclusively Matt Groening titles. There were the adventures of the alien named Roswell, the therapy sessions of a superhero group and my personal favorite, a comic which let Sergio Aragonés do whatever he wanted. Sergio’s Funnies was awesome, especially when he illustrated stories about his life, they should make a movie about him. Maybe it was part of the deal to sell Fox’s TV/Film properties to the equally evil Mouse, either way, I doubt the Simpsons will be absent for long. Their show is in its 30th season with a second movie planned and the property still makes money hand over fist no matter how much critics whine, “the show started sucking after (insert season number here)!”

Meanwhile, Marvel’s inaugural comic that launched a whole universe and billion-dollar franchise returned after its cancellation a couple years ago, The Fantastic Four. Rumor has it, Disney ordered this to get Fox to relinquish their rights to make more crappy movies. I don’t know, I doubt comic books sales have much effect on the general public going to a film, especially if it has been craptacular three times in a row. The whole team wasn’t eliminated, the Thing (Ben) and Human Torch (Johnny) continued to exist in the Marvel Universe, just Mr. Fantastic (Reed), Invisible Woman (Sue) and their two kids were missing or assumed dead at the conclusion of the most recent Secret Wars. I’m glad they’re all back. Marvel without the Fantastic Four would be equal to DC ending Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman. The book is the foundation of so much and introduced numerous characters, namely the big movie breakout hero Black Panther. I’ve been picking it up since it’s a now at a good jumping on point. The latest issue brought a tear to my eye with its dedication pages to Stan Lee, the co-creator of these guys. Oh, and Ben finally married Alicia in a quiet ceremony with only a slight interruption from Dr. Doom and Galactus. Suck it racists and anti-semites, The Thing is Jewish.

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John Adams: A Life by John Ferling

Before reading this biography, I was like most Americans when it came to their knowledge of John Adams:

  • Second president.
  • First one-termer.
  • First vice president.
  • Pretty short guy, even for the era.
  • His presidency was a bit of a mess thanks to England and France being at war and his request to have laws passed to make it illegal to criticize him.

Now I think he’s my favorite Founder. He didn’t write anything significant during America’s formation like Jefferson, Madison and Hamilton (the one getting a whitewash) because he was busy elsewhere, see below. No, the strength and flaws in his character are what puts him up higher on my list, he seemed more human than Washington. Another big boost to his prestige, he didn’t own any slaves and this was legal in Massachusetts until 1783. He could’ve afforded the luxury of forced labor on his farm(s) yet he thought slavery was immoral and contradictory to Christianity.

Ferling starts with a little backstory regarding John’s family. He’s the son of Deacon John Adams and Susanna, a couple farmers living on the outskirts of Boston. There’s nothing terribly remarkable about them. They’re educated people so John continues their tradition of attending Harvard in his teens when the university only produced predominantly two types of graduates: ministers and lawyers. Adams chooses the latter. An apprenticeship follows and a few years later, he becomes a respected lawyer practicing in the Boston area. He marries Abigail and over the years they have four children: Nabby (neé Abigail), John Quincy, Charles and Thomas.

It’s been a while since I’ve read the book but Adams was like many colonial intellectuals when England began ratcheting up its presence in the Colonies after the French and Indian War (Europe: Seven Years War) through their taxes, conciliatory or believed that Parliament could be reasoned with. Numerous Colonial legislators naively thought they were counterparts or peers to Whitehall. HA! Most of us also know Adams came to prominence by being the defense attorney for the British soldiers arrested for the Boston Massacre. He chose to defend them out of his belief in everyone receiving a fair trial trumping his growing desire for independence. There may have been some scheming behind the scenes through his cousin Samuel Adams, a Sons of Liberty agitator. Samuel figured no Boston jury would acquit and if the best qualified defenders in the area failed, England had to accept the outcome. Bad move, John succeeded in getting the officer in charge acquitted and six out of the eight soldiers received a favorable result, not guilty. Those two who were pronounced guilty just had their thumbs branded, the punishment for manslaughter. The case made John Adams a celebrity.

As I mentioned earlier, defending those soldiers had no effect on Adams’ sentiments and disenchantment with the English government. When the conventions took place, he was heavily involved in numerous committees, wrote most of the drafts to review, and was co-architect on how the Colonies should proceed.

When the Revolution started, Adams spent more time abroad. He was sent to France first to find out what the hell Franklin was doing because Washington needed assistance desperately. At Versailles, Franklin proved to be a more skilled political animal as he pushed Adams into irrelevance. It bruised Adams’ ego but it gave him the opportunity to be more useful in Holland securing financial aid when the Continental Congress re-assigned him.

During the two years after victory at Yorktown, Adams transferred to London to aid in the peace treaty and negotiate trade rights for the new country.

Adams returns sometime after the Constitution ratification. Sadly, his time abroad gave him less democratic leanings, especially in who should be allowed to vote. Unlike Washington, he is very bigoted against Catholics and Jews along with those who don’t own property by proposing an American aristocracy being needed. He does accept the position of vice president to balance out the geographical interests with Washington’s presidency. Given the job’s description to help oversee the Senate, Adams was excited to participate and share his experience, after all, he was in the original Continental Congress. No dice. He’s mostly shut out and begins the long tradition of the veep being a ceremonial gig until Darth Cheney.

Upon Washington’s retirement, Adams runs a stealthy campaign to be president. Back in the early days of the US, candidates didn’t openly run for the seat, it was considered crass. The stumping was done by proxy through political allies and newspapers. One thing he did make clear, he wasn’t going to accept being vice president for a third term.

He wins but Thomas Jefferson comes in second, making a rival his vice. Recalling what little influence he had in the role, Adams doesn’t think the Virginian can do much harm. He could have had a smoother time if he didn’t miscalculate a different nemesis, Hamilton, who meddles indirectly through the Cabinet. Wishing to maintain continuity, Adams retained Washington’s last Cabinet, not knowing three of them consult Hamilton to direct their actions/advice.

For the next four years the Adams presidency was tumultuous. Even though Adams is often labelled a Federalist, he didn’t share their desire for war with France. Despite all the negative things branded on John Adams, he deserves more praise for his greatest achievement, preventing the young country from going to war with either England (Jefferson and the Republicans’ desire) or France. He argued it would be a disaster, neutrality was the best course. This decision cost him the election and he did it knowingly.

After his defeat, Adams sets up the transition for Jefferson and quietly exits Philadelphia (the acting Capital) with no fanfare for his Boston home. He was a pretty frugal Founder too. Adams had $13,000 ($200,000 today) put away and didn’t die broke. It didn’t last, the bank hold the money collapsed in 1803. His son John Quincy intervened by buying up all the family property to keep John and Abigail solvent.

Adams would go on to live another 25 years which was an incredible accomplishment since few made it past 70 in his era.

Adams spent his remaining years reading, writing, settling old scores as he outlived most contemporaries and enjoying the his grandchildren’s company. There was a reconciliation with Jefferson but it wasn’t as dramatic as promoted; it was some correspondence and Adams wrote most of it. Living to be 91 had its downside for Adams unfortunately. His wife Abigail passed in late 1818, their only daughter Nabby died from cancer around 1813 and son Charles drank himself to death in 1800. Not everything was sad, his proudest moments came via son John Quincy. This son became a respected diplomat (he’s a legend in the US State Department), a Senator for Massachusetts, negotiated the Ware of 1812 peace treaty, aided in the acquisition of Florida and was President Monroe’s Secretary of State. Adams even lived long enough to see John Quincy become president. Knowing John, he probably felt vindication in addition to pride.

I posed this question with Washington so I will with Adams. Was he a good or bad president? I think he was in-between like his predecessor. His only and biggest accomplishment, preventing a war. His cabinet debacle and occasional fragile ego outbursts are what drag him down to mediocre. Another deciding factor against him was what little the POTUS had to do (Speaker of the House was more in charge) leading him to take long recesses at his Boston home. He also maintained the continuity of America’s presidency without it sliding into despotism.

Ferling’s book is a third as long as Chernow’s Washington. I apologize for the review being almost twice the word count. However, I feel John Adams deserves a little more respect and publicity for his career.

I’m now taking recommendations on a good cradle-to-grave book about Thomas Jefferson.

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Split

With Glass coming out in January and it being a sequel to Unbreakable and this, I modified our Amazon Prime account to have Cinemax for one week (free) to find how Split connects the other two. Personally I have left M. Night for dead after Unbreakable because  he ruined that movie with the ending. If you have seen Unbreakable, you’d agree the whole thing goes into the crapper thanks to the “explanation.” Another reason why I didn’t bother to see Split earlier is its premise, multiple personality disorder is utter fiction and has been disproven so many times.

However, McAvoy does demonstrate some good range with the various personalities orchestrating a very weird kidnapping of three teenagers (young women in their early twenties as per Hollywood’s obsession with body types). The trio has every right to be scared since they figure the villain plans something horrible yet the different personalties turn up at random keeping them on edge. They also can’t get a good plan rolling due to one girl, Casey, who utilizes her experience/status as a loaner to study their captor, find a personality willing to cooperate in their escape. There’s flashbacks peppered in of Casey’s time as a child going on hunting trips with her father and molesting uncle. So M. Night has telegraphed the audience a future explanation for Casey’s skill with a rifle.

It wouldn’t be a complete tragedy without the naive Academic treating the villain. Dr. Fletcher is more fascinated by him as a patient and what she’ll be writing about him for the journals, she’s too oblivious to warn authorities. Can’t have a Thriller or Horror movie sans the gullible scientist!

Split is mediocre at best thanks to previous Horror franchise Saw and numerous uncomfortable flicks involving people chained up in a basement. These disgusting kidnappings occur in the real life too, ugh. My other peeve is the actress playing Casey, she’s a graduate of the Kristin Stewart Acting School, she only has one expression on her face through most of the movie. It’s better than Stewart’s “who farted?” face but not much better, I think she’s pondering her next Starbucks drink. I saw she’ll be back in Glass when I watched an extended trailer.

Let’s see if M. Night can pull it off with his shared universe in Glass or will he waste Jackson and McCoy’s talents.

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Vice: Worth Seeing

Hard to believe that McKay could make a Dark Comedy about war criminal Dick Cheney but he succeeds in making his point, this horrible man was the main architect behind America’s problems abroad and at home. I’ll explain more of this later.

The story begins with Cheney getting busted for his second DUI in Wyoming around the early Sixties. Then it juxtaposes to 9/11 when the shitstorm went down and he was calling the shots, not the president, while consulting his legal counsel first…before State (Powell), Defense (Rumsfeld), the CIA (Tennant) or the NSA (Rice). Back to Wyoming with the narrator (a mysterious Jesse Plemons) explaining how a drunk dirtbag who bombed out of Yale, received five deferments to avoid the Vietnam War and got by as a telephone lineman, somehow became the most powerful Vice President in US History.

Well, we can blame/credit his equally evil, power-hungry wife Lynne. Her father is an abusive drunk and she gives Dick an ultimatum to straighten up and fly right. Jump forward to 1969 as he lands a Congressional internship which introduces him to Congressman Donald Rumsfeld. This enabled Cheney to land bigger responsibilities by hitching his future to Rumsfeld’s rise in the Tricky Dick administration and later becoming President Klutz’s Chief of Staff, the youngest person to hold the job at the time.

If you want to know what he did until 2000, see the movie and/or check Wikipedia.

The key scenes are when candidate Dubious Bush is now the Republican nominee for president. Dubious and his handlers (probably Turd Blossom Rove) want Cheney to balance out the ticket via experience since the Governor of Texas is a figurehead position and Dubious is a lightweight in every subject. Cheney doesn’t want the job but is willing to hear the pitch. He remains uninterested because he’s making millions as the CEO of war-profiteering Halliburton and VP is a symbolic job. Cheney is willing to help lead the search for a VP. According to the trailer, he finally accepts the position of running mate by allegedly tricking Dubious into delegating policy regarding Defense, Energy, foreign policy and the bureaucracy to him. I wouldn’t call it tricking. Dubious lacked the intellectual capability to really govern and probably found the details boring, a similar modus operandi St. Reagan and the current Shitgibbon in the White House have.

While he’s veep, Cheney uses legal chicanery with his hand-picked staff to undermine environmental policy, transparency (especially when meeting with energy corporations), Orwellian language to lower taxes for the rich, relabel torture (enhanced interrogation), spy on American citizens through warrantless wiretaps/packet sniffing and create bullshit “evidence” on Iraq having nuclear weapons. In short, damage America’s international reputation further as we continue to lose blood and treasure with no end in sight.

Cheney goes back under this slimy rock after the election of Obama, occasionally crawling out to be an armchair quarterback, fundraise, support gay marriage for his younger daughter (Republicans only have empathy when it affects them personally) or help establish a dynasty via the older daughter being Wyoming’s sole House representative. He later received a heart transplant at 71 since he is rich and important; a regular plebeian would die as per our Insurance Industry’s Death Panels, especially given the patient’s age.

Vice ends with Christian Bale/Dick Cheney turning to the camera and telling the audience why he’ll never apologize for his war crimes, expanding dictatorial powers to the executive branch (the Unitary Executive Theory bullshit) and making most Americans economically worse off. Ironically, he even says it was an honor to be a public servant for us. A public servant who lined his pockets liberally; Halliburton stock rose 500% through his actions.

Bale’s performance is creepy too. Often Cheney is compared to Darth Vader. This is inaccurate. Vader was a villain of action and misguided by his perception of order/peace. Cheney is Darth Sidious/Emperor Palpatine, an underhanded, power-hungry asshole who wrote an addendum to The Prince. Adams redeems her boring Lois Lane as the evil Lynne Cheney. She nails the whole “woe is me” victimhood right wingers have just through her litany of “whenever you have power, someone will try to take it away from you” and we all know the someone means Democrats, Liberals, Unions, non-Whites, Catholics and Jews. Carell’s Rumsfeld is fine, he has the evil just not the voice. Rockwell’s Dubious is funny and I can still hear his F is for Family‘s Vic voice coming through. He does a good job imitating Dubious’ infamous befuddled look when he was stumped. You’ll see other members of Cheney’s brotherhood of evil throughout the story: Roger Ailes, Antonin Scalia, Paul Wolfowitz, John Yoo, Grover Norquist and Scooter Libby.

How does Jesse Plemons as the narrator fit in? You’ll see as it progresses, seeing him in numerous roles running concurrently with Cheney’s time as veep.

McKay utilizes other story-telling techniques from The Big Short to illustrate a few things Cheney did. Remember it’s a Dark Comedy. There will be unusual jokes, symbolism through Cheney’s favorite hobby (fly fishing) and don’t leave when the credits roll. Why? All I will hint at is McKay borrowing from the Marvel Universe’s playbook.

In conclusion, Republicans will hate this movie and scream their usual “Liberal Bias! Liberal Hollywood!” Centrists I’m sure will be all over the place due to their spineless nature. The Opposition will laugh and cringe simultaneously much like I always do when watching Idiocracy. I won’t deny there are few inaccuracies (I checked) McKay probably went with to improve the narrative. Compared to the whitewashing Cheney has promoted (if I hear one more person praising the Dubious years in comparison to the Shitgibbon, I will scream) with the help of his brood, McKay nails it. Besides, the Republicans continue to harp on about Bilary’s missing e-mails as they overlook the millions Cheney refused to archive while utilizing the RNC’s servers for official VP business. He needs to be locked up.

Alamo Extras: Betty Boop for President cartoon; Trailers for Orson Welles’ Macbeth, Richard Burton doing HamletThe President’s Analyst and The Kidnapping of the President; Sergio Mendes and Brasil ’66 covering “Wichita Lineman” (incredible female harmonizing); Saint Reagan and his daughter Patti plugging Boraxo Soap; commercial for Weber’s bread with a promotion of Snoopy for President; a Bicentennial celebration cartoon; It’s Garry Shandling Show celebrating Michael Dukakis winning (they already knew he’d lose is the joke); Tim & Eric doing a bit on running for president in 2012; commercial for the board game Risk; Family Guy snippet of Cheney as a failed Wal-Mart greeter because he tells everyone to go F themselves (like he really did to Senator Patrick Leahy, such a class act); some guy who does a magic trick without exposing his junk; lastly, Alamo had a quiz to see if you could name the movie, the name of the president, the vice president and the actors playing the parts. I only got the first one right, it was the only one based upon history, four were fictional and the last is a documentary. I’m  just going to list the movies, you can look up the rest on IMDB.

  1. W.
  2. Air Force One
  3. My Fellow Americans
  4. Iron Man 3
  5. Sudden Death
  6. Idiocracy
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Bohemian Rhapsody: Worth Seeing

After some delays, a sanitized version of Queen’s story has finally hit the big screen with the blessing of Brian May and Roger Taylor, the only two remaining members who tour. Even though he retired in the late Nineties, I’m confident John Deacon had to give some approval to avoid a lawsuit. The focus is mostly on lead singer Freddie Mercury (nee Farrokh Bulsara) and his rather complicated personal life.

The story begins in 1970-71 with Freddie getting by as a baggage handler at Heathrow, fascinated by the travel stickers on people’s suitcases. His Parsi (Zoroastrian Persians who fled to India centuries ago) parents don’t approve of his Rock Star aspirations and the adoption of a Western name. The lifestyle is counter to the key tenants of his family’s beliefs: Humata, Hukhta, Huvarshta which translates to “Good Thoughts, Good Words, Good Deeds.”

Then one night he sees Smile on stage (Roger and Brian’s previous band) and becomes their new lead singer thanks to the original one quitting at the end of the show. (I bet Tim Staffell kicks himself every day with Pete Best!) Since Freddie can’t play bass, the new lineup becomes a quartet and eventually renamed Queen. They tour the UK with additional songs written mostly by Freddie, roll the dice on recording Queen by selling their tour van to get the studio time in the middle of the night and by chance draw the attention of Elton John’s A&R guy.

The rest is history at this point and if you want to know what follows until the big finale at Live Aid in London circa 1985, go see the movie.

However, as a huge Queen fan since I was a kid and never really relenting on this, including when I had purged anything non-Alternative in the Eighties/Nineties in my life…the movie is VERY inaccurate. Yes, yes, yes, I know, the truth is often incredibly boring and a compelling story has to be fabricated because Hollywood assumes the audience for a Queen biopic is stupid. If you want to know the story behind their breakthrough album, A Night at the Opera, watch the VH-1 show Classic Albums which I own on DVD. I have to admit I loved how they displayed all the negative reviews “Bohemian Rhapsody” received upon its initial release. They’re superimposed upon the actors re-enacting the groundbreaking music video Queen did for it. Why am I not surprised clueless Hippie toilet paper alternative, Rolling Stone hated it. Oh yeah, Bob Dylan, Eric Clapton or John Lennon didn’t do it first.

Another nagging detail, the songs as they were written/produced in the film are out of order, e.g. they’re arguing about doing future hit “Another One Bites the Dust,” and sometime later Brian is laying out the foundation to “We Will Rock You.” Plus “Fat Bottom Girls” was never a hit in America. The entire album Jazz was a flop in the States, like it never existed and/or after News of the World came The Game, thus, Queen took some time off here.

Lastly, did we really need a “re-imagining” of their entire Live Aid set? Actor Rami Malek does a great job but I’m sure it’s on You Tube (just checked, it is and in HD), watch it instead of an imitation please. My greatest hope is you won’t have to endure cuts to the douchenozzles from MTV singing along when I saw the original performance at my grandma’s house.

The story “ends” here despite Queen going on to do three more records before Freddie died. A Kind of Magic is a helluva’ comeback too. It’s the soundtrack to not just one, but two movies (Iron Eagle and Highlander). I don’t own The Miracle or Innuendo, thus, I have no opinion on those.

I’ve ripped on Bohemian enough.

Are there good things? Absolutely, Malek definitely channels the spirit of Freddie in his moves on the stage which appeases my annoyance of them passing on Sacha Baron Cohen for the role. They play some lesser known hits like “Keep Yourself Alive,” “Fat Bottom Girls” and “Love of my Life.” They bring up the MTV debacle, how the network thought the video for “I Want to Break Free” was inappropriate; the band was in drag which by 1984 and years of Monty Python reruns on PBS would barely raise any Moral Majority ire. I doubt they stopped touring the US over the decision; poor record sales from Hot Space on and good ol’ American homophobia were more likely the culprits. You have to really pay attention for Mike Meyers’ cameo and there’s a hint, his character mentions the infamous scene from Wayne’s World when arguing with Freddie. Finally, I do like how they did present Queen as a family. They fought. Tempers flared. In the end, they knew that together, they were greater than they were individually. Most importantly, they loved each other as a family. Not many bands hold together for 20 years without personnel changes neither, especially in the bass and drums departments.

Check it out though. Queen was an incredible band that kept changing their sound while maintaining signature elements telling you, it’s Queen: Brian’s guitar, the backing vocals and a refusal to be pigeonholed. Their songs also work when they’re re-arranged well by other artists such as Joss Stone (she has the best of cover “Under Pressure”), Los Lobos, Metallica, Brian Setzer, Dwight Yoakam, the Flaming Lips, Matthew Sweet & Susanna Hoffs, Rooney, Keane, some nobody who had help from Cars members Elliott Easton and Greg Hawkes, the Melvins, Louis XIV, Jon Brion, Nine Inch Nails and Weird Al Yankovic. I think I need to make a good mix of stuff honoring Freddie, I’m not keen on some loser from American Idol taking his place. I’ll sit through Paul Rodgers (Free, Bad Company and The Firm) before Adam Lambert.

Alamo Extras: The real Live Aid footage showing Queen doing “Hammer to Fall”; interview with Freddie; a baby watching and reacting well to the Live Aid performance; Queen’s videos to “Crazy Little Thing Called Love,” “Bohemian Rhapsody,” “Fat Bottomed Girls,” “Another One Bites the Dust,” “Flash Gordon,” “Don’t Stop Me Now,” and “We are the Champions”; allegedly a guy hand farting to “Bohemian Rhapsody,” I think it’s dubbed.

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Joe Bob Briggs III for Dead Heat

Joe Bob Briggs, the world’s favorite Drive-In and B-Movie guru, returned to Austin for a special 30th anniversary screening of Dead Heat, a pathetic attempt at making a hybrid Horror Comedy for Eigthies’ audiences. On the upside, it was the last film to give Joe Piscopo top billing like numerous other ex-SNL cast members. He was funny on TV yet he just didn’t connect via movies unless he was a supporting character as per Johnny Dangerously. Be afraid though, after being a Vegas spokesman for the Station Casino chain in the Nineties, cartoon voice work (Batman: The Animated Series), guest appearances (trying to teach Data to tell jokes on Star Trek: Next Generation) and various made-for-Basic Cable flicks…Joe is considering a run for the US Senate in his home state of New Jersey, as a Republican of course, it’s the party of bitter has beens (Jerry Doyle, Frankie Muniz, Melissa Joan Hart, Victoria Jackson and Dennis Miller).

As for the movie, it’s craptacular on numerous levels: awful dialog, mediocre special effects  and a plot written by a 13-year-old boy hooked on Horror. The trailer already spells it out so I’m not spoiling anything here by giving a quick synopsis: LA has been plagued by a string of robberies being committed via “invincible” crooks who are really dead. Following up on a lead at the expected mad scientist’s corporate HQ, Treat Williams is accidentally killed. Joe Piscopo has his partner resurrected but the “cure” only lasts briefly, therefore they need to solve the crime before Treat dies permanently. One big reason why Heat is painful as per Joe Bob, the movie’s handlers thought Piscopo could ad lib funny stuff.

Obviously we were not there to see a terrible picture, we went to hear Joe Bob’s pearls of trivia regarding Heat. Alamo gave him a choice of five movies that were hitting 30 and this seemed to fit the bill for his expertise. He nailed the film’s problem, when mixing the two genres, it needs to be closer to 80% of one and 20% the other, a 50/50 split never works. Even though I’m not a fan of Ghostbusters, it is predominantly a Comedy with touches of Horror or Sci-Fi which is another reason why it is loved by a general audience. Nailed it Joe Bob. Beyond Heat, he answered questions regarding his unexpected success via Shudder (more streams were coming) and how fun it was to work with Robert DeNiro in a scene for Casino.

Can’t wait for him to return to Austin again! What will the movie be next time? I’m torn between something from one of his two great books, Profoundly Disturbing and Profoundly Erotic, or a totally from left field choice.

Alamo Extras: Trailers for Evil Dead 2 (duh), Cemetery Man, Dead/Alive, Return of the Living Dead, Zombie Cop and Maniac Cop 2; bits from Joe Piscopo’s HBO special including him playing a drum kit pretty well and another he’d be hanged in public over, a Bruce Lee imitation; one of the many Miller Lite commercials Joe Piscopo did in the Eighties; and footage from a horrible talent show.

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We own 26% of the house!

I haven’t posted one of these stories in two years but we did it! After re-financing with University Federal Credit Union to punish the dirtbags at Wells Fargo, we managed to get the balance past the 25 percent point and into new territory. There are times Somara is all negative about re-financing to lower the monthly payment, claiming the mortgage amount would be significantly less. True, yet I prefer the lower, half-as-much payment which also aided us in buying two new cars and paying off student loans over the last decade. Thanks to the arrangement through the credit union, these days, over 40 percent of what we pay back is principle.

It’s not all sunshine. Due to Austin’s growing popularity, the property taxes have been jacked almost 10 percent over the last two years. If Travis County thinks my house is worth what they’re taxing it, then I need to give them a tour of the neighborhood behind me alongside some of the tweaks Chez Maggi needs to carry it into the 2020s.

I still prefer this living arrangement. You lose so much money via apartments. Maybe not as much as you used to because the expense of setting up a new phone line has gone away, one upside of cell phones. The back pain element is another matter I will never miss.

Onward to 27, 28 and maybe 29 percent in 2019! Oh yeah, and another middle finger to those shitbags at Wells Fargo who should be in prison but this is America, where White Collar thugs are no longer punished as per the wishes of NeoLiberal pussies.

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Meet (Duchess) Satine

Just as Nature abhors a vacuum, whenever one stray cat is removed (usually adopted), another takes up the vacancy. Over the years, various cats have used our back porch to sun themselves or as an impromptu shelter, especially during the Winter months; I still left out the cat cave for Miguel (no sign of him in a long time).

I knew there were new cats hanging around because Kuroneko looks for them when she stares out the back door. (She isn’t as vocal as Molly was but is equally territorial, Kuroneko often bites Isis whenever there’s a dispute over space on our bed.) Sometimes in the evenings I can hear the strays meowing for some reason, maybe to say “howdy” to Kuroneko. Other times I will catch one of several cats fleeing our yard or the undercarriage of the cars.

Several days ago I found this little lady (a tortie) in the cat cave and another tan tabby lying around. The latter fled immediately while she remained at the porch’s edge. So I lured her in with some wet food Nemo won’t eat (he’s on a special diet due to his elderly status). Poor thing licked it down to the last drop.

After several days, I successfully grabbed her by the scruff. This resulted in serious hissing and a demonstration of how strong she is. Next time, I’m wearing gloves to protect myself from any possible scratching (I lucked out this time). I’m confident she’ll come back.

I’ve decided to name her Satine. For Star Wars fans, the name should be recognizable. Duchess Satine was Mandalore’s head of state during the Clone Wars and probably Obi-Wan’s unrequited love interest, silly Jedi rules. I like it better than the working “title” I had given her, Chani, who was Paul’s girlfriend in Dune.

More as it happens. And no, I will not be adopting her despite being a huge fan of tortoise-shell cats ever since the first one I loved in my life, Mewsette, one of my cats from my high school days.

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Rest in peace Fuff

My first meeting with Fuff.

Sometime this Fall, a sick asshole poisoned my in-laws’ cat which in this era of Uppity Deplorables doesn’t complete surprise me. It’s a huge reason why my cats live indoors and I do whatever I can to rescue the strays I find around my neighborhood.

Fuff was a gorgeous kitty. Being part Siamese (or Burmese), he was a conversationalist, maintained his blue eyes and had their usual crossed-eye appearance. He was very friendly which is probably what contributed to his demise.

If I ever find the bastard(s) who did this, I will report them to the cops since murdering animals is a crime, even in North Reaganstan; what I call the communities north of Austin because they keep electing Republican dickholes who want to rename everything after the Great Bullshitter.

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Mandy: Acquired Taste

Cosmatos (Beyond the Black Rainbow) finally returns with a new Horror flick focused on revenge. It’s another stylistic panoply of color, animation, nostalgia, sound, music, mood and dark humor. Set during the early Eighties, Mandy is a tragedy about a couple whose peaceful, idyllic life in the forest is disrupted by a freaky, Manson-like Hippie cult followed by Nic Cage doing his thing to exact justice.

If you’re looking for a straightforward narrative and/or Eli Roth gorenography, Mandy isn’t for you. Despite the violence, this movie is a mix between art and an homage to its inspirations (see below). Personally, I think the second half shows the hero’s descent into madness as he overcomes pretty serious odds utilizing a customized axe, firearms and a chainsaw.

I’ve never been a huge fan of Horror but this is on my short list for Best Movies of 2018.

Alamo Extras: Nic Cage jokes, namely a montage of scenes in which he freaks out; Music video for Policia; and trailers for the movies that inspired Cosmatos to make Mandy:

  • Friday the 13th (the first one)
  • Phase IV
  • Heavy Metal
  • I Drink Your Blood
  • Fire & Ice
  • Hellraiser
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