Sausage Party: Utter waste of time

From the people who gave us the unfunny, profanity-laden Superbad is their attempt at a cartoon ripping off the same plot as Free Birds. The difference would be the dirty jokes that would only amuse middle schoolers. I guess it was funny when Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg were high but reality came crashing down it.

The premise entails the secret life of food. Somehow all our groceries are “alive,” and they anxiously await the day to be put in a shopping cart. From there they will go to food heaven. Of course we know it’s nonsense for we humans eat them. When one item is returned, he shares the horrors he witnessed and experienced to all the skeptical wares, namely the hero who is (unsurprisingly) a hot dog named Frank and his sweetheart, a bun, Brenda. There’s some kind of journey around the store where they encounter the foods of different aisles which promote other lazy stereotypes; now they’re ripping of Toy Story. Casting Nick Kroll as a literal douche is a mixed move; he isn’t funny yet he is annoying in how he keeps turning up in movies like Billy Crystal in the Seventies.

In the end, the food somehow triumph and the movie concludes with the dirtiest and dumbest finale ever imagined. Again, as if Sausage were written by a 12-year old. Plus, you can’t rip on something if you’ve never watched it.

Why did I watch it? Curiosity. I should’ve turned it off after 30 minutes but I wanted to give Rogen and Goldberg as chance to surprise me. They failed. At least the end credits of Superbad were funny. Sausage Party should have a short life on Netflix and the sooner the better. How I wish I could have my 90 minutes back. Meanwhile, Rogen and Goldberg, put your bong away, try again without chemical assistance.

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Las Vegas Finale 2017A

Last entry about our most recent trip to Las Vegas, promise. Above is a photo of the latest success with 27, the day we got married (and it’s Bugs Bunny’s birthday). As per tradition, we make one last bet at roulette the evening before we depart for home. It’s something we started in 2003 during our honeymoon. Good thing it won too, it wiped out most of my craps’ losses.

So the winnings get put away into a savings account with the remainder of our “walking around money,” to put toward the next vacation.

And for all you naysayers, 27 is 3-13 but when you put in the money, the score is now $1050 to $130. Roulette appears to have a better return rate than anything Wall Street has that remains legal.

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Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 Must See

The superhero team from 2014 I thought wouldn’t succeed, due to their obscurity, is back. This time the focus is on Starlord/Peter’s father. This isn’t a spoiler because you see it in the commercials/trailers.

All the humorous infighting is there, Drax remains a literalist, Groot is still tiny with a helium voice and Rocket remains the obnoxious one I personally can’t stand, Bradley Cooper is an overrated actor. The other element I hate is the music. I know the oldies you hear are from Peter’s mother’s record collection but I grow tired of the repackaging for the masses when all you need to do is turn on the radio to get the daily ad nauseous bombardment of this crap. Beyond those two annoyances, Guardians 2 delivers on the comic-book level action, plot, jokes and look. Marvel continues to push out their “winning record” to 15-0, X-Men movies don’t count nor do the TV/Netflix shows.

Being a Marvel flick, the ending credits are vital in revealing what may be next for the Guardians. No hints on Spider-Man Homecoming in July or Thor 3 at Thanksgiving.

Alamo Extras (I remember): Sweet’s video for “Fox on the Run”; Tormenting raccoons with cotton candy; A montage of raccoons in popular culture around the world; Japanese yodeler fighting ninjas via his chicken; Rap battle between Groot and Hodor; a demonstration of Rick and Morty‘s main voice actor using the method approach on Rick; a quick explanation of where Guardians of the Galaxy came from and the individual characters you see in the movies.

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New Pornographers 2017

The Canadian supergroup came to Austin again for this was the final stop on their North American tour. As always, they put on a helluva’ show to promote their latest, Whiteout Conditions that was released…I think in April. It’s a bit of a departure for the band in two ways. It’s their first without Destroyer’s lead guy Dan Bejar. My friend Mark finds his contributions annoying and he has a point. However, I feel Dan is an acquired taste and he keeps every track from sounding alike, a realization I have noticed of Carl Newman’s work as I’m putting together a tutorial for my friend Ethan.

Nobody has posted a set list for Austin so I’ll go out on a limb with the one from Dallas. They’re not a spontaneous act.

There are also no pictures I could find because they requested no photography or recordings. I was more surprised at how much the Stubb’s security people enforced it. Not as aggressively as a Prince show thankfully. I was even more surprised at how audience members honored it. How I long for the days of everyone being in the moment instead of an army of schmucks who think they’re Annie Leibowitz (sic) or cinematographers.

In the music realm, the New Pornographers were solid. Mixing in a tune or two from their previous six albums while promoting Whiteout. My only complaint, they didn’t perform “Go Places.” Maybe they’ll do another leg through the States when they return from Europe since I saw them listed for ACL Fest 2017.

If you want a copy of my New Pornographers tutorial pieced together by Mark and me, contact us. Otherwise, check ’em out. It shows that Canada has more going for it besides Celine Dion and Rush.

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RIP Stan Weston

Mr. Weston passed away a couple weeks as per his obituary but any of us born after the late Fifties are very familiar with his most successful creation, GI Joe. With the runaway success of Barbie, all the toy companies (when there many) were looking for a male equivalent. In short, Mr. Weston came up with the hit that fit the bill. One major difference, you couldn’t call Joe a doll, he was an action figure. I always thought it was the knee-jerk reflex title my gender used because “dolls are for girls!” According to Stuff You Should Know, any retailer who called the toy a doll was dropped by Hasbro.

When I was old enough to have Joes in the Seventies, the militarism had been dropped due to the Vietnam War. My GI Joes were modern-day action heroes exploring tombs, fighting giant squids, hang-gliding, riding down zip lines and meeting new friends who were bionic (Atomic Man) or from outer space (Bullet Man). GI Joe of the Seventies didn’t really have a true nemesis until the end, these weird cavemen called the Intruders who sprouted from meteors hitting the earth.

Brian and I never followed the storyline our vehicles and Joes came with. Thanks to Star Wars and Battlestar Galactica, they were the adults in the numerous space operas we imagined. We also determined our figures’ ages by height but anyone taller than the Joes, Steve Austin and Maskatron from the Six Million Dollar Man line, were robots. The Mego dudes were pre-teens.

The kids raised on the Eighties reincarnation to compete with Kenner’s Star Wars figures missed out. When Joe was big, the vehicles and accessories were incredible.

  • Seawolf: the one-man sub could actually submerge and rise out of the water. We never really tested it. We had lost or broken the key parts before we got a pool. Instead, the sub was a space capsule.
  • Skyhawk: the one-man hang glider which worked just like a kite for take off. About 90 percent of the time, when Joe got airborne and you could running, the glider flew. Yup, it flew and banked hard to the left or right and crashed. Mine didn’t last long. My old man accidentally broke it during our move to Springfield.
  • The Base: I don’t remember the set’s real title. The highlight was an observation tower and for some reason Joe didn’t take the ladder down, he could hop on the zip line to descend. Pretty cool when it worked. Today, the toy resembles a terrorist training camp.

When the 3 3/4″ action figures debuted in the early Eighties, I was becoming too old for toys (as if there’s such a thing). Brian had a few. The coolest thing he received was their replica of an F-14 Tomcat. Joe also had a new narrative, to fight an international terrorist organization called Cobra. However, I could see through the jingoism and felt Joe had become too pro-Reagan, namely through the cartoons and comic book.

I remain a fan of the original, big version and thanks Mr. Weston for this major contribution to my childhood.

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More MST3K swag arrived!

Joel Hodgson and company sent me a T-shirt some time ago. Then another box appeared at the door when I came home. Insider were awesome stickers, a coffee cup with no handle (reminding me of all the coconuts the characters drank from in Gilligan’s Island), a keychain and a poster I have yet to take out of the tube.

The customized letter with Crow saying my name was the real treat so I had to share it!

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Steely Dan and other fun in Las Vegas

With Ethan staying at our timeshare with us, I got him a late birthday present of tickets to see Steely Dan, his favorite band. We got dressed up as per the great opening from Swingers but we’re also in agreement that there are times you need dress like a grownup if you want to be treated by the casinos as a grownup.

First goal, the concert. We managed to snag tickets for their last show in a month-long residency at the Venetian. There was no opener so the band got started close to 8 PM. The duo of Donald Fagen and Walter Becker strolled out a few minutes later. They obviously played the hits I knew with a mix of lesser-known stuff, primarily from the album Aja. There were some hits I was surprised they skipped like “Rikki Don’t Lose That Number,” and “Do It Again.” Overall, I did have a good time and I’m always relieved when I’m on the left side of the age curve in a crowd.

Afterwards we got a late dinner at the White Castle in Casino Royale followed by my demonstration on how not to win at craps. What we dropped at Encore was nothing compared to what Steve Wynn needs to keep the lights on so I’ll say it was a push. The main thing is we had a good time catching up on stories about the antics of Ethan’s three daughters. We were also a tad snobbish about this young man who was getting the third degree from a pit boss over his age; dude, when you show in a knit shirt like you just got off your shift at Best Buy, the higher-end places might be sending you the vibe to move on.

Other things we were able to share with Ethan. The timeshare’s lazy river, the restaurant, the pool/hot tub and he said the built-in bed in the couch worked out. The second night was a kick-ass dinner in the rotating restaurant up in the Stratosphere.

Years ago, we (Ethan, Garrett and I) used to talk about a road trip to Las Vegas to celebrate getting hired by Apple. It never really happened because other elements in our lives stepped in but I’m going to count this. Maybe next time we can convince Garrett to fly out, build up our own rat pack from two to three.

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Happy Free Comic Book Day 2017 (#15)!

The oldest of the nerd high holidays turned 15 this year and the selections were pretty good. My shop (Rogues Gallery) had enough to let everybody has 10 titles. Since I’m a subscriber with my tastes, I mostly picked up stuff to give out to friends’ children.

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Umm, a little help

Somara came home last night to find Nemo and his “lucky leg” stuck in a toilet-paper tube. How he did this is beyond us because his front-left leg has a hard 90° turn at the first joint above the paw. She said he didn’t really appear to be in any pain or panic so removing it was easy, aka, Nemo didn’t struggle and scratch the bejeezus out of Somara.

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Rick as Bender for Halloween?

Bite my shiny wubba-lubba dub dub bub! Two of animation’s favorite alcoholics mashed up into one funny shirt! Or maybe Bender is really Rick all along since they both have Spanish surnames.

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These Chucks are no surprise for my collection

The Time Warner Empire’s division for Looney Tunes has licensed a few designs to be used by Converse. Obviously I had to have the Bugs Bunny pair! I loved them so much I have two pairs.

His behind is on the inner part of the shoes.

There’s the catchphrase on the tongue

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My new time waster

Scored this with all my Pinballz points the night before we left for Las Vegas. I drove all the way down to the original location because the one where I earned my 90K carried just the version with Call of Duty…pass, more like, Steve runs around and gets shot by robots all day long. I don’t know if I will fare any better with Destiny yet I think the players are more difficult to kill or they have killer weaponry.

When I get this puppy hooked up, my real goal will be to hunt down a copy of Rock Band 4 and see if there’s any cheap Lego games to play.

I’m open to your suggestions on other stuff. I did enjoy the Batman games in which you had to stealthily take out the Joker’s henchmen. I also received one from a relative about Uncharted.

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Corrected Cats of Tahiti Village 2017, #2

They do have names according to a sales representative but I forgot to take them down and only remembered one. So here they are again along with a few others.

Tahoe

Renamed Preacher…

…his brother Roulette

The Alpha cat I’ve dubbed The Chairman

Paigow, cute but antsy. Can’t pet him.

Baccarat, my favorite. He’s the only one who doesn’t require treats if you want to pet him and isn’t afraid of The Chairman.

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We are home and recuperating

We landed and made it to the house last night at a decent hour. Still tired when we woke up. I almost missed an 8:45 AM appointment too.

As for all those clean-up chores, ha! Beyond the two scheduled things I had for today, the only achievement I can applaud myself for was picking up comic books. Afterwards it has been off/on napping. Beats working.

I think Saturday will be day to tackle what I didn’t attempt, namely redepositing what’s left of our “walking around” money (aka, funds for gambling).

Nemo is happy to see us after being boarded the whole time. Kuroneko and Isis were thrilled from the beginning. Kuroneko insists on following Somara around, more than her usual moves.

I will be looking forward to all the other plans we have awaiting for us in Austin, namely more regularity at the gym. I totally failed on that personal promise during this latest vacation, one day on the treadmill isn’t much.

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The new lessons from my 13th visit to Las Vegas

It’s also the 20th anniversary of my first visit to this weird city in the desert. I always learn something new when I spend some time here too.

  • Don’t rent a car from the airport facility, there’s an extra $75 fee charged by the city/county. We usually rent from Enterprise but now we can just hop a cab from the airport to the Enterprise facility near Orleans. However, taking the cab there and back on our final day? Seems to defeat the $75 savings and/or won’t be much in the end.
  • Lyft isn’t as evil as Uber nor as evil as I felt. Ethan used them for our Saturday travels so we could both drink. I was impressed. We hopped in a nice lady’s VW Jetta from Tahiti Village to the Venetian, less than $10 on a Saturday night! It was a little more from Wynn back to TV, $13ish. You can pay them over the phone which made me glad. I have the app but only for Vegas, they’re not allowed in Austin. I’m good with this until they comply to what Austin asks, something that puts them on a level playing field with the cabs, aka, fingerprinting.
  • Palms was acquired by the Station chain. Good. I always felt that Palms was run by a couple douchebags who took their reality show too seriously. The place was too hip for its own good.
  • The people who run the MGM chain, especially on the Strip, must’ve worked in the airline industry. Charging for parking? Watering down mixed drinks? On top of their “resort fee” bullshit, it’s small wonder this chain has financial problems.
  • Stratosphere is nicer than I recalled in 2003. We had a fantastic meal at their Top of the World, rotating restaurant. You can’t feel any give on the 106th floor too. I did have to avoid looking out the window for long periods to keep my acrophobia in check. The casino is fair yet better than the bulk of the Strip.
  • Palace Station is doing a great job remodeling. I look forward to see its completion in the near future.
  • Teen Titans Go! and We Bare Bears are much better shows than I thought or expected, namely in the latter. CN also rebooted Ben 10.
  • Sadly, the Polaroid Store downsized its location and became Photo & Go. They just sell the film and some of the options to transfer photos onto unusual materials. Unusual to me because they’re not paper.
  • I finally found a way to keep track of who’s playing at Brooklyn Bowl. One day, I’m going to see a concert there and somebody I dig. I need to stop bothering with other Vegas web sites too. They never get it right on who else is playing at the House of Blues in Mandalay Bay too.
  • Lastly, at Steely Dan, I learned that the song “Dirty Work” was one of theirs. I never made the connection due to vocalist David Palmer doing the lead and not one radio station ever identified the band whenever it was played. Plus I don’t hear any of the usual musical DNA I often associated Steely Dan with.
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