Matt Smith

Posing with Matt and friend Eddie.

Posing with Matt and friend Eddie.

The big guest of this year’s WizWorld, the Eleventh Doctor! Missed out on him two years ago when he had to bail. Since you’re allowed two people in the photo, I let my friend Ayako’s son Eddie join us!

Turns out this was Matt’s second visit to Austin. Couldn’t think of anything really to ask or discuss quickly because I didn’t see Terminator: Genesys and I’m ignorant of anything he did before Doctor Who. However, I was thrilled to meet him and to get an autograph to join my sweet collection. A really nice dude.

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A tale of two genetic tests

The results are in! And they’re kind of muddy. Hell, they don’t quite agree which makes me wonder what each company’s criteria are for an ethnic group, especially when they lump at least two very distinctive peoples into something as amorphous as “Europe West” for the French and Germans or “Broadly Northwestern European” for…hell, I’m not exactly sure, Iceland?

Both tests entail giving them a tablespoon of saliva which you mix up with an activating agent or preservative. You mail them in and wait around a month. When you receive the e-mail from either, you check out their portal to see the outcome. I have broken them down with a spreadsheet.

First up is the cheaper and famous Ancenstry.com. I think they advertise more on television. I know they constantly bombard my Facebook news feed.

All they do is figure out where you originate based upon the genetic markers in the DNA strands which they compare to thousands of other people. One nice side feature they have is letting you build a family tree; they can often line up birth and death records if you know your ancestor’s full name. Below is what Ancestry.com came up with and it contained a couple surprises. 

ancestry-com-results

I was thrilled to get such a high number on Italian but how do they have much in common with the Greeks? The German element was confusingly low too given my maternal grandfather being predominantly that. Now Scandinavia makes sense since they invaded the British and Irish isles. Being slightly Jewish (aka Ashkenazi) was plausible through my German heritage; people never consider how fluid marriages were in the past. American Indian was completely missing despite all the claims I had heard growing up. Either it was bullshit or the ancestor was adopted into the tribe/nation.

Overall, I’m mostly satisfied with Ancestry.com’s work. I wish they’d break up their ethnicities better for French, German, Italian and Greek. Get it as granular as the Brits and Irish are.

Next is the more expensive and complicated 23 and Me results. They do the same ancestral estimation while also checking for a slug of genetically traceable diseases, hereditary traits and how much Neanderthal DNA is likely there.

 

23andme-results

The ethnic part feels equally arbitrary. If you move their definitions around to line up with Ancestry.com, they could be close within a few points. They too lump the French and Germans together; I’m sure if you talked to contemporary residents of those countries, they’d viciously disagree. These guys have me being predominantly from the UK which is hard to swallow when I know that half of me came from Germany during the 1870s kulturkampf and Italy around the turn of the 20th century. Not saying these ancestors were “pure” yet I think they could push the percentages further up. They agreed on dispelling the American Indian claims but couldn’t find the Jewish pieces.

Other elements were joyous. I didn’t have any of the genetically passed-on diseases they screened for although many were obscure. I only recognized PKD because I worked with someone who had it. On the Neanderthal front, I scored a mere 266 out of 2800+ attributes. Let’s hear for homo sapien superiority! Traits? Keeping my hair has a good shot while they were wrong about my eyebrow and eye color.

Sadly, I feel somewhat more confused. I doubt I could get my brother to do this and have him share the results. The reason why I would want to is a friend of mine had weirdly different outcomes with her two children. The son had very specific breakdowns of origin while the daughter was given those general regions. They have the same parents so wouldn’t they have similar ethnicities due to these things not being recessive nor dominant like MS or diabetes? Maybe I should pay for one test and twist my brother’s arm really hard to see. I don’t know any geneticists and what I find on the Internet will always be suspect.

I think I’ll lean on Ancestry.com as being closer, not because I like it better, they just have the largest sample size to compare against, 1.4 million and growing.

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Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

readyplayerone

Another book I managed to read before the movie is released in…2018. Yeah, I definitely got a better head start unlike The Martian. Spielberg is directing so the film adaptation may be fantastic like Jurassic Park or a humongous dud like this Summer’s The BFG. The licensing rights will be a major part of the budget.

Ready is set in 2040s and let me tell you, the near future sucks!

  • Global Warming/Climate Change is taking its toll on the world.
  • The Great Recession never ended.
  • Occasional pandemics wipe out large swaths of the population.
  • The gap between the poor and the One Percent is even larger, the Middle Class has dwindled to a sliver.

Our hero Wade, who narrates the story, lives in one of the numerous poor-people ghettos called The Stacks—trailers and RVs stacked upon each other with scaffolding going as high as 20 stories. Wade’s home being on the outskirts of Oklahoma City seems more like a prediction in my opinion. It also reminds me of Americathon where most people live in their cars because we loved them too much.

Wade has it pretty rough. His parents died, forcing him to live in The Stacks with an aunt that only has him around to get his food-stamps allocation. The only joy in Wade’s life is escape via an online universe called OASIS. OASIS resembles Second Life if it were successful. It’s the 2040s so OASIS is fully immersive: you wear VR goggles which “write” on your retinas and gloves for the haptic elements. For those who can afford a more “realistic” experience own bodysuits and operate in a sphere or on a treadmill for their movement. OASIS is all encompassing. It has gaming elements: touches of World of Warcraft and Star Wars: the Old Republic. It’s social, people meet in virtual rooms or buildings. Lastly, it’s educational, Wade attends high school through OASIS.

How is this all possible? Today you have to pay for Internet access, streaming services and many games eventually put their foot down when you reach a time limit of a month or a power level. OASIS could run thousands of dollars a month! Well, founders James Halliday and Ogden Morrow made billions with all their previous ventures (mostly games) so they chose to make OASIS free as their gift to the world. You can pay money or earn virtual coins to acquire weapons, transportation, real estate, armor, etc. A free account guarantees attendance at one of the thousands of schools on the planet Ludus.

In 2041, James Halliday dies but leaves an elaborately detailed will stating that the first person to find the three keys to his Easter egg hidden in the OASIS will inherit his fortune worth billions. More importantly, the winner gains a controlling stake in OASIS. Ogden had a falling out with James a couple decades earlier, making the former partner ineligible. He has his own wealth anyway and cannot (or will not?) provide any hints about the man he was best friends with since grade school.

The will’s release results in a global Willy Wonka-golden ticket frenzy. People looking for the Easter Egg are nicknamed Gunters. Much like WoW and other MMORPGs, guilds are formed, people write blogs about their searches, the Media goes nuts and there’s a whole industry surrounding Halliday’s entire life, anything to get a clue.

A year passes and no one finds the first key. Then another, and another, and another.

General interest, especially the media’s, dies down. By 2044, the Easter Egg is considered either a hoax or a prank the reclusive Halliday left behind.

However, Wade is a dedicated Gunter. He has dedicated all his spare time analyzing everything about Halliday. He watches movies and TV shows from the Eighties ad nauseum. Listens to Eighties music. Masters Eighties video games. Reads the comics and Sci-Fi/Fantasy novels an Eighties kid/teen would’ve read. Learns about D&D and other RPGs Halliday and Ogden played as kids. Wade isn’t alone. His “best friend” Aech (pronounced like the letter H) shares this passion so they discuss the content, have friendly competitions and mainly hang out. There are obviously millions of other Gunters, but Wade pays more attention to this woman named Art3mis who writes a blog he enjoys.

The Gunters aren’t alone. A corporation called Innovative Online Industries (IOI), the dominant ISP in this dystopia, has an entire division of employees hunting for the egg too. Everyone knows that if IOI gets their hooks into the OASIS, it’s over for the world because they’ll start charging, sanitizing the content (really, licensing and putting in ads)…in short, the virtual universe will have toll roads. The only advantage Gunters have is IOI employees are restricted to one particular avatar with a ID numbers beginning with six, hence they’re called Sixers or Suxors by the less civil.

Of course our hero Wade has a breakthrough in finding the Egg or there wouldn’t be a novel. How he figures out the first clue was sadly torn from the pages of my freshman year in high school…taking Latin and loving to play D&D. And my parents thought nothing good would come of the latter.

Overall, Ready was a fantastic book. Definitely one I couldn’t put down. Not due to the subject matter; a cornucopia of Eighties stuff from every possible angle. Cline’s writing keeps the story’s pace brisk without the encyclopedic coverage bogging it down into lists or explanations for anyone under 40. Wade’s interaction in the OASIS is plausible too. Unlike The Matrix, there are worlds or sectors where the rules change for all participants. Cline’s description of how dreary the real world has become makes you want to get back into the OASIAS too. Personally I think Earth is doomed if America’s current technology center is Columbus, OH. I’m not surprised the evil corporation IOI is there.

As for it being an Eighties love letter. Cline dug even deeper and didn’t restrict himself to this decade. The Eighties were Halliday’s primary childhood/teen memories—he was born in 1972. There’s plenty of Seventies and Nineties references to act as bookends. Cline just makes Halliday the consummate Eighties era savant with gamer touches, namely his crappy taste in music. I could never get into Rush’s 2112 or any of their long, drawn-out junk about trees, caves and Ayn Rand. There were some nights I swear Cline either used a time machine to go back to spy on my childhood whenever there were references to Starblazers, Ultraman, Johnny Sokko and The Space Giants.

I highly recommend Ready Player One. It’s an entertaining read. One blurb described it more succinctly…”Willy Wonka meets The Matrix.” Don’t let all the cultural reference schtick scare you. Cline’s decision to go with the legendary decade is only logical. The Eighties were a watershed when numerous technologies converged to build the foundation of what we have today: video games, computer interactions, cable television, film distribution, music genres (MTV’s influence namely) and roleplaying games which inspired scores of computer programmers. Ready is also a good companion to Back To Our Future by David Sirota.

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November finally

Well the ‘finally’ is my bit covering the header in the spirit of Star Trek. The second incarnation of Voyager when they ditched Kes and replaced her with a former Borg. I had stopped watching the show by then but thought it was a bad idea because the cybernetic nemesis of the Federation were best utilized in small doses. I guess it worked and saved the show for Voyager did cross the seven-season finish line. What little I did manage catch, I felt the show was now stuck with two Vulcans. Maybe I’ll change my mind when I get around to the program via Netflix.

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Italian #44: Christopher Lee

What? The consummate Englishman from all those Hammer Horror movies? Saruman the White? Count Dokku? Scaramanga? Yes, the towering actor was half Italian. His mother was Countess Estelle Marie Carandini di Sarzano, an Italian citizen who married an English army officer.

I think the hosts of Stuff You Missed in History Class cover the essentials you need or want to know about Christopher Lee. His upbringing, his involvement in WWII and his very prolific acting career. To cut to one chase, he was Ian Fleming’s cousin by marriage, I always thought they shared DNA.

Meanwhile, I want to go over the things I remember him for.

First was all those Hammer movies. When I was growing up in Champaign-Urbana, one or two weeks of every year was dedicated to these films starring him and Peter Cushing via The Early Show. This program was the CBS affiliate’s afternoon movie slot from three to five. It was the Seventies so the world wasn’t as child-proofed yet. Of course, the gore in these interpretations of Dracula and Frankenstein is pretty tame thanks to Eli Roth. Did he scare me? Not much. I did remember his name for another favorite instance…

Lee was a guest host on SNL, a very radical move. I may have been a tweener but understood the comic possibilities his appearance presented. I remembered three bits very clearly: his monologue containing movies he turned down (the cast acting them out); him playing death and apologizing to a little girl (Laraine Newman) for taking away her pet; and the best for last, portraying a Van Helsing type out to put a stake through Nixon’s finished memoirs before they go to press.

The villains I listed earlier, Lee was definitely their embodiment. Of the three, he wasn’t utilized to good effect in Star Wars and the name is subject to ridicule.

Check out the podcast though. They did a fantastic job and it only runs about 30 minutes.

¡Ciao! Until next year, I’m open to suggestions on other famous Italians to research.

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Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children: Rental

missp

Another instance of the good Tim Burton directing this ho-hum movie about peculiar (weird) children; more like a Victorian X-Men that doesn’t fight other mutants. I can’t help feeling Peregrine is a poor attempt at competing with the Harry Potter franchise.

The whole premise involves Jake, a teenage boy undergoing therapy because of his grandfather’s outrageous stories involving this orphanage. When the grandfather is murdered by an intruder, Jake’s parents decide to visit the alleged site on an island off of Wales in order to aid their son’s recovery. You’ll see that the home is there and it isn’t.

Jake meets the infamous Miss Peregrine and all the children grandpa described but learns their secret and what really killed his grandfather.

Overall, small children may get creeped out by the graphic depictions of some kids’ powers. Goth tweeners probably will dig it. I was slightly amused yet I am rather tired of Tim Burton’s work. Big Eyes was the bigger surprise move he made recently. This is just him trying to recapture what he succeeded with in Edward Scissorhands and Beetlejuice.

Alamo Extras: Japanese cartoon of a baseball game between some kids and mutants; a dancing Transformer video with a little kid singing in Hindi; a Japanese game show like America’s Got Talent; an Eighties tribute act of VidKids; Kids singing in Spanish to G-Force (or Battle of the Planets); Freakies cereal commercial; Spanish dance-off with the Universal monsters; Burtonized versions of other movies (Diehard, Forrest Gump); kids as robots in school; clips of weird kids: the Addams children, Gerald McBoing Boing and the Feral Kid from Mad Max 2.

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Jeremy Shada

jeremyshadaautograph

Almost done with all the celebrities I saw at this year’s WizWorld. Jeremy was a last-minute addition to the show. As you can see from the poster, he’s the voice of Adventure Time‘s Finn, the program’s main hero. I stupidly didn’t bother to get a picture with the guy, argh. He did like the poster and was curious about its origin.

Meanwhile,  for my face time with him, I asked how he got to be the French child in Team America. According to Jeremy, he and his older brother auditioned for Matt Stone and Trey Parker about a week before the movie was released. I asked if he could already speak French. He said no, they just knew how to make the right sounds. It was a pretty audition he said. Did he get to see his handiwork? Just the Paris scenes, since Jeremy was a little kid then, he had to wait until he was old enough to understand the humor of the whole movie. Seems plausible.

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An evening with Bryan Cranston

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Bryan telling stories about his earlier acting gigs.

My first outdoor rolling roadshow for Alamo Drafthouse and they couldn’t have gone with a better choice. Getting his book signed would’ve been nice but I have a feeling Bryan is high demand in Hollywood thanks to Breaking Bad. I’m hoping he’s making better fare than the awful comedy his co-starring in with James Franco this Christmas.

The event was primarily held to promote the release of Bryan’s new book A Life in Parts which is part autobiography and part collection of anecdotes. It doesn’t follow a linear path as most biographies do. The book jumps around according to the roles he played in real life, on stage and before the camera. Somara already started reading hers while we waited for the sun to go down. She said it was good. I’ll get to my copy probably after I’m finished with Star Wars: Lifedebt.

Bryan is a fantastic storyteller and took all the old clips Alamo found of him with aplomb; a hostage taker on Airwolf and the infamous Preparation H commercial.

Then came the part I often dread…questions from the audience which usually means a free-for-all with the local narcissists who might have a question embedded in their self-promotion/mini-bio. The man had the patience of a saint. I already knew the answers to a couple because he talked about them ten minutes earlier. I didn’t let it get me down, just strained my eye muscles from them rolling over too much.

When the Q&A was over, Alamo played Bryan’s HBO movie All The Way which was based upon the one-man play he starred in. It covers president Lyndon B. Johnson’s time from becoming president after the assassination to his re-election party. The makeup was impressive, I couldn’t see any resemblance to Bryan except when the character was exhausted and in bed. He definitely had Johnson down to the letter: his vulgarity, his lack of personal boundaries and his skill at arm-twisting/double talking. I recommend watching All The Way. Is it accurate? More accurate than most of Hollywood’s “based upon a true story” crap.

I hope Bryan returns and I can have a proper meet n’ greet. Maybe ask him if he remembered his audition for Babylon 5 as a ranger.

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We seem to have it easy with just four cats

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RIP Pete Burns

Pete will always be known as the lead singer/mascot for the band Dead or Alive with their hits “You Spin Me Round (Like A Record),” “Lover Come Back To Me,” “I Wanna Be Your Toy,” “Brand New Lover” and “Something In My House.” I recall their third album had those two latter songs which then were played ad nauseum during my Freshman year at Marquette.

After the band’s popularity in America fizzled out with the Nineties, Pete became more famous for being someone who couldn’t stop with plastic surgery. In his defense, he didn’t keep going until he was hideous.

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Jack Chick is officially dead…

…but his brain and heart died decades ago.

Most of you all are probably asking who this turdburglar was and why am I speaking ill of the dead. Well, he was the primary person behind these incredibly ignorant and hateful comics known as Chick Tracts. They contained “cautionary” tales about the dangers of D&D which helped fuel the anti-D&D demon worship idiocy; incredibly inaccurate about Islam, Catholicism, the Mormons, Communism, Fascism, Freemasons and homosexuals. Then again, hateful “Christians” like him aren’t concerned about pesky things, you know, facts and reality. Fear not, he found a way to offend everybody like Trump if you look these “comics” over enough.

However, his trash was ripe for even better parodies like this one on Rap, Cthulhu and a rebuttal against creationist bullshit.

At least one good death occurred in 2016. I make no apologies for this post since I have been a longtime D&D player and often annoyed by Chick’s ilk.

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Happy 100th birthday to Bob Kane

Bob is most famous for being the primary creator of Batman. Since he’s dead and many other claims have come to light involving Bill Finger and Jerry Robinson, I think there’s an asterisk by Bob’s name. I don’t particularly care. People tend to remember only one or two names when it comes to such intellectual properties. To me, Bob was the guy who got the ball rolling and dozens of other talented people took the Dark Knight to the next level. It’s the same way with D&D, Star Trek and finally through Disney, Star Wars.

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Weird Al Yankovic

weirdalyankovic

I’m finally getting off my duff on the Weird One’s birthday (he’s 57 today) after seeing him in concert for the third this July…and having my brief FaceTime with him.

This Summer we saw him again on a second take for the Mandatory Fun tour. Last year it was at the ACL Moody Theater and then at Bass Hall. The shows were relatively similar but who cares! Weird Al and his band for 30-plus years are incredibly talented. I love all the costume changes with segues of media showing all his cameos or pop-culture references he’s permeated into. In many ways, he is the champion to millions, especially unpopular kids like me listening to his earlier albums back in North Dakota with my friends Jon, Mike, Paul and Jason. When I had my own block of time to be on Marquette’s “radio station” WMUR, I would even squeeze in a song of his every month. “Such a Groovy Guy” comes to mind along with “Fat” when that a new release. I was still a true fan since Weird Al had fallen out of favor with the masses by the late Eighties.

This is definitely going into my "nerd tomb."

This is definitely going into my “nerd tomb.”

Highlights of this tour: He kicks off with “Tacky” and has his path from the green room to the stage timed out for the song’s duration. Walking and singing at the same time is quite a feat. The first time we went to this show, we were in the fourth row so Somara was one of his “victims” he hit on for “Wanna B Ur Lovr” and it was on the big screen for all our friends to witness. What I loved almost as much was when our neighbors tried to record the moment and he put his hand over the lens of their phone. Yeah people, be in the moment, stop trying to be a cinematographer.

So after waiting 34 years to meet him (I first saw him on MTV for the video “Ricky” in 1982), what did I have to say? I wanted tell him how wonderful he was to that little girl on his team when he was on Family Double Dare in 1988. He knew all the answers to the questions but he’d whisper them into her ear and let her tell them to the audience. He was like, “Oh yeah, that show hosted by Marc Summers.” I have to admit, I was pretty impressed with meeting him too. Here’s a guy with rabid fans who probably want to spill their life stories on him yet he just embraces it like a pro. I think he is in that minority of celebrities with his head on straight and knows how much he is adored especially when his fame ebbed for a while. I’m just grateful he didn’t give up.

How did we meet him? Well, these days if you look really carefully when buying concert tickets, some shows offer VIP stuff. With Weird al, make sure you get the meet n’ greet too. I made this mistake in 2015.

Hot damn! I also found a link to the episode of Family Double Dare he appeared on against Lou Ferigno. The picture quality is poor but check it out. If you ever have to take the physical challenge, you want Al in your corner! Meanwhile, despite all the sadness of 2016, Al is cheering us up by being the band leader for Comedy Bang Bang‘s last season and is starring in a new cartoon on Disney XD.

Happy Birthday Al!

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Rest in Peace Tiki

tikifinale

Our friends Tom and Alaire gave us the sad news Friday about their Burmese Boss Tiki needing to be put to sleep. The poor guy was having heart trouble and he was starting to suffer from pneumonia, something cats have difficulty getting through unlike humans.

Although Tiki wasn’t our cat, he was an extension of our cat family through cat sitting plus he generally liked everybody. Besides being about nine pounds of raw muscle, Tiki was rather fearless and some days demanding. He had this low, distinctive voice he used like radar to find you when he was hungry or he wanted to go outside. Woe to those he found sleeping, Tiki would stand near your head and let himself be heard. He also had a very audible purr to let you know he was cool.

Enjoying the sunshine on the deck.

Enjoying the sunshine on the deck.

When Shadow passed on, Tiki became the Lowrys’ alpha cat. Despite being half Angel and Jack’s size, Tiki took whatever food he wanted, groomed them and got first dibs on a sleeping spot. Although on the latter, cats tend to have their own preferences, I’ve rarely seen cats fight over anywhere except for a spot on the humans’ bed.

There are so many stories I would like to tell about Tiki yet I will probably go with his few escapes he pulled off on us. One thing I’ll give to his credit, Tiki usually thought scaring the crap out of Somara and me was a game unlike the other cats (they tend to howl back things like “You’re not my parents!” and stay away). His favorite tactic was to go under the deck where Somara hated to go, spiderwebs and it was dark. However, we’d have to do it, cut Tiki off from at least two possible exits. He would like to stay close, lure you into a false opportunity to grab him and then dart ten feet away. Eventually we’d outwit him. One evening, I told Somara to relax and take turns waiting by the screen door because it was raining and I knew wasn’t keen on getting wet. Panned out, he slowly came by within about 20 minutes of his escape.

Farewell Tiki. You were a great cat friend and we’ll always remember your unique voice and easy-going nature as the picture below showed.

Showing off his clownish side.

Showing off his clownish side.

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RIP Steve Dillon

One of the UK artists/writers DC brought to America in the late Eighties/early Nineties, Dillon made his US debut on Vertigo titles like Animal Man and Hellblazer. Being from the UK, obviously he started out on 2000 AD titles like Judge Dredd too.

Afterwards, he worked on the book he’s most famous for Preacher which is a TV show now on AMC. For me, he provided the hilarious art to an out-of-print book I actually have called How to be a Superhero, definitely not for children.

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