The new NBA jerseys for next season!

Posted on April 17, 2016 by Steve

newnbajersey

Somehow there’s never a point of “enough” when it comes to advertising, greed and sight pollution in America, the NBA will be experimenting (translation: instituting) with sponsorships on the team jerseys. The more factual story is here. The artwork above is a pranks but The Onion has often proven that life imitates art. Despite the additional revenue the owners may receive and the bump in the price of the eyesores…I mean, products, don’t count on your cable bill or ticket prices to go down.

I also think it just cheapens the cleanliness American sports jerseys often have had. Sure there’s the Nike swooshstika or the more beloved CCM patch but those are the manufacturers. In hockey sometimes the brand determined the difference between an authentic jersey versus a replica. Now I don’t mind replicas, sometimes it’s all a vendor offers. I prefer the more expensive authentics because the logos and numbers are sewn on, not pressed via a heat transfer. To be clear, I look for the difference when browsing through the racks, I don’t judge the people wearing them to determine how dedicated their fandom is. I understand budgets all too well.

American sports teams aren’t holy nor “pure” but at least our jerseys didn’t resemble European billboards; I recently saw the Swedish Modo team and had to wonder if the patches held the jersey together. This Soccerization of our teams (who the hell is “Fly Emirates”?) is another ugly trend proving that Alduous Huxley and Neil Postman were the real prophets of the future, not George Orwell.

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Output has been low this year

Posted on April 17, 2016 by Steve

For my faithful readers, thanks for sticking with me over these years and no, I’m not throwing in the towel. Picayune is just undergoing a lull. It hasn’t been for a lack of material. I mastered the art of finding something long ago. As the cliché went in journalism classes at Marquette, there are no boring stories, only boring writers. My ex-roommate Paul definitely proved this. The man wrote interviews and the inverted pyramid as easily as the rest of us could breathe.

Digression number one over…

This year hasn’t been very inspirational, it has been more a shortage of will or desire. Don’t worry though, I have seen the doctors (multiple times, you usually have them scheduled at intervals to progress) to address the malaise because it’s not exclusive to Picayune. Illness has cascaded into D&D (the energy to prep for the next session or even wanting to run), attending shows (I think I had a ticket to Brian Posehn I didn’t use, definitely a few Stars’ games) and trying to just enjoy the day. Austin’s recent rain storms don’t help, I hate getting soaked when leaving the car to then enter a building…Austin businesses love to overcompensate with their AC systems!

Recently I just had my 17th anniversary with Apple. Hmm. The memories of hitting 10 are still too fresh as I sit here going, “Seventeen? Where the hell did the time go?” I remember when I used to be stoked to come around to this landmark in a time. Now it’s getting categorized into the same slot many adult friends put their birthdays, one once said, “It’s just another workday for me.” I wish he knew Patton Oswalt was only joking about putting restrictions you were allowed to celebrate (or mention). The point is it has sent me into a more reflective move over where I want to go next. No one ever plans to spend a third of one’s life working at the same place. Well, not in this era, especially when Capitalism has been allowed to return to its rapacious nature thanks to St. Reagan, so it’s a borderline miracle I have remained. But now I think it’s time for a change. I would like a different role/workday which is pretty unlikely given the philosophical shift my division has undergone; it’s not terrible, it’s pretty close to what it always has been. I just miss support higher-end systems and actual computers. iPhones and iPads may be the trend, they just have more limiting roles. Trust me, Steven Spielberg won’t be shooting, editing and adding effects to his next blockbuster via a tablet/cell phone. High-end workstations have at least another generation in them.

My point? I will just have to keep an eye/ear open for another opportunity to re-ignite my passion in general. Work will be fine. One doctor reminded me, many people are terrible at jobs they love. I do remember being in such a situation 25 years ago, GDW. I also recall the love evaporating yet I don’t think I ever reached a level of competency I have at Apple.

Meanwhile, I would like to see some comments or requests for comments because the site now requires an account; Picayune is hosted through a friend’s site and the spammers can overwhelm the whole eecosystem, thus you must go through the onerous process of logging in. Please make the effort. The whole idea behind moving toward a more interactive platform was to create an interactive experience or a conversation. Not really a traditional top-down magazine like I used to do although I miss those, it was fun laying out pages in QuarkXpress, imitating the designs of Entertainment Weekly or Newsweek.

You know how to reach me, my last name at mac dot com. Plus I’ve migrated to Twitter as I abandoned FaceBook (aka NoiseBook). I got totally lucky in the Twitter gold rush, I can be found under “at” my first initial followed by my last name!

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Emo Phillips

Posted on April 16, 2016 by Steve

emophillips

Last night I was re-united with the stand-up comedian who really started my brief radio career in promotions and collecting autographs…the absurd, acquired taste, a proud product of the Chicago suburbs…Emo Phillips!

He actually remembered performing at Marquette! I told him it was with Rita Rudner and he threw in Larry Bud Melman too! I recalled it because Larry was the show’s MC. I was more thrilled about Emo because entertainers travel/perform hundreds (sometimes thousands) of shows and who has time to care?

Anyway, Emo came to Austin to do his stand-up which remains great. He had taken some years off from appearing here; the introduction said he hadn’t been here since the Nineties. With his non-sequitur, rapid-fire style still in top form, you couldn’t tell he hadn’t performed for Austin for about 20 years. To give him some additional credit, he was at last year’s Moontower Festival.

After the show, I asked him to autograph my big Adventure Time poster which he was thrilled to do. If you’re unfamiliar with the cartoon, Emo provides two voices: Princess Turtle and a narrator asking the audience to identify the episodes’ graybles. I told him he was my favorite bully on Home Movies, he was Shannon, a kid who tore Brandon a new one in “The Art of the Sucker Punch.” It’s pretty funny should you get the chance to view it, Emo a someone picking on weaker kids is sillier than it seems.

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Batman v. Superman: Waste of time

Posted on April 9, 2016 by Steve

batmanvsuperman

But Steve, why did you go? Well, I still like Batman and I wanted to see if Ben Affleck would do alright. For me, it’s about time we got an American actor over an ill-tempered Brit to play my favorite caped-vigilante. You also need to watch a bad movie to rightfully call it bad anyway.

Versus is a sequel to the dreadful Man of Steel and the foundational movie to WB/DC’s next step, a Justice League film for the parent company is desperate to have a string of Marel-like hits. Too bad they went with Zack Snyder. I enjoyed 300 and Watchmen. I just don’t think Snyder is the right person for bringing DC’s beloved team to the big screen. Firstly, everything looks as if it was digitally altered with Instagram filters to create this dingy, dreary world the heroes live in. Then comes all the plugs for what will be the sequels because those plot lines are not going to be resolved in this two-plus-hour slugfest; aka characters only diehard comic-book fans will recognize.

Personally, I think the people who approved this mess just knew the basics around the comic stories the movie cribbed and crammed together. Their rationale was, “Hey! People will love it. Frank Miller’s Dark Knight Returns, the Death of Superman and a bunch of other nerd crap. It’s like printing money.” Not really. It’s just a humongous noisy mess and they probably realized it eventually. Notice how it wasn’t released during the Summer, when the hits often appear.

Alamo Extras: Batman the Movie (1966) trailer; Bollywood thing of Superman and Spider-Woman dancing/singing; Superman 3 appearances; Batman toy commercials from the Nineties, Mego stuff from the Seventies; Fatman & Robin plug; David Letterman bit; a demonstration of how Marlon Brando read his lines in Superman; Mexican Batwoman!; Superman on I Love Lucy; Interviews of New Yorkers on why they like Superman; Various people as Superman to the Sixties song REM is known for covering; Bob Hope special with Batman and Superman arguing over who’s Lois Lane’s date; Turkish Batman!; a collage of how many different times we’ve been shown Bruce Wayne’s parents being murdered in Crime Alley; Bane on parole via Funny or Die.

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One year in and Marvel is doing great with Star Wars

Posted on April 4, 2016 by Steve

leiaminiseries

Third time must be the charm for the Star Wars line of comics. Dark Horse’s 20-plus years were fantastic but they were hobbled by a couple things.

  1. Most of what they did wasn’t Canon before it was relabeled “Legends.”
  2. They didn’t get to have the level of coordination Disney has brought the franchise with the exception of Shadows of the Empire around 1996.

Now everything Marvel does has the editors going over the stories to make sure they line up with other elements: novels, films and toys; to make sure it all syncs up. For example, Captain/Admiral Sloane from the Rebels novel New Dawn re-appeared in Aftermath AND the Kanan comic book. In the latter, it was nice to see what she is supposed to look like because I got a couple aspects wrong. The novels have lined up characters before with different authors but my point is the comics rarely did unless it was a marketing campaign attacking all the geek avenues or an adaptation (aka the Thrawn trilogy).

I digress though, I want to give a quick update on the two main series…Star Wars and Darth Vader. The former has picked up somewhat, namely in the art department after the first story arc. I do enjoy the interludes between arcs too. Before Star Wars jumps into another chapter of the saga, Luke reads from Obi-Wan’s journal that Jedi Master kept during his 20 years in hiding. It’s cool to see he wasn’t completely useless. Hell, Obi-Wan and Uncle Owen had a couple interactions before the movie in which Owen told the “crazy old hermit” to stay away from Luke or you’ll get him killed like his father. Hmm. Obi-Wan lied about what happened. Then again, how do you break it gently to Own, hey, your step-brother is now Darth Vader, scourge of the galaxy and mass-murderer. As much as I’m enjoying Star Wars more, Darth Vader remains my favorite of the two. Darth is continuously scheming with and against the Emperor now that he knows (through Boba Fett) the pilot who destroyed the Death Star happens to be Luke Skywalker, his son. Ergo, Vader and Palpatine are now enemies yet they “cooperate” to keep the Empire together. The loss of giant battle station has greatly weakened the Empire as Grand General Tagge pointed out. Anyway, Vader I enjoy more thanks to his helpers BT-1 and Triple Zero. These two are the anti-R2-D2 and C-3P0. They enjoy killing and torturing the living plus they’re very obedient to Vader…so far. In the recent crossover Darth Vader Down, the authors that Triple Zero has the same voice as Threepio, hence he tricked Luke when a Vader ally gave the protocol-assassin droid a quick paint job.

Now to get to the heart of this entry…the four mini-series Marvel has published, each focuses individuals and one on a duo.

First is Princess Leia which appeared shortly after the main two titles began. Days after the Death Star‘s destruction, the Rebels begin their evacuation of Yavin-4. Leia is relegated by General Dodanna to a “supervisory” role due to the huge bounty on her head (10 million Imperial credits). He’s very concerned for her safety. Then Leia overhears some criticism from a fellow Alderaanian Evaan Verlaine calling her an “ice queen” for being so cold at the medal ceremony. This inspires Leia to undertake a special mission and makes Evaan her pilot. The plan is to find enclaves of other Alderaanians living on other worlds, evacuate them to safety and thus, Alderaan will live on via its culture. Why? Leia probably figures the Emperor to be a spiteful person who won’t stop at just destroying her homeworld.

I loved this miniseries! Finally, Leia gets to be truly large and in charge! I’ve bought at least one copy of the trade paperback to give to a friend’s daughters since we all know Carrie Fisher didn’t get to do much in any film. Oh she was quite a presence in Star Wars with the zingers but afterwards Leia was often the damsel in distress. Leia and Evaan also travel to Naboo and Sullust where there are known Alderaanian “neighborhoods” like our country has significant numbers of Arabs in Detroit or Russians in NYC.

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Everybody’s favorite smooth operator comes next in an adventure involving him and his buddy Lobot before they landed their lucrative opportunity on Bespin. Before Lando was reunited with Han and Chewbacca, he owed a crime boss a large sum of money. In order to pay it off, he accepts a job to steal a yacht from an Imperial ship yard. Why? Allegedly, the yacht carries numerous antiquities worth enough for everybody involved in the heist a chance to retire. For this operation Lando recruits an Ugnaught archaeologist and the mobster assigns two cat-like alien ninjas who don’t speak to “outsiders.” The theft goes off without a hitch but you’ll soon see why three Imperial Imperial-class Star Destroyers pop out of Hyperspace shortly after Lando and the gang leave the dock. The yacht’s owner is not just any idle, billionaire.

Lando‘s best part is a cameo made by another famous and under-utilized starship.

chewbaccaminiseriesLeia wasn’t the only person with other things to do after the Yavin-4 victory celebration. Chewbacca borrows an A-Wing fighter for some unexplained reason and he crash lands on a planet dominated by a crime lord. This crime lord runs a mine in which he uses slaves to harvest a gas the Empire needs to power its weaponry. The slaves are primarily people who owe the gangster money so I guess he’s really a loan shark. Amongst the mine workers/slaves is a young, feisty girl named Zarro. With her father’s help, she escapes. Instead of fleeing as far away as she can, Zarro seeks help to free all the people left behind. The nearby town is no help, many fear and/or cooperate with the crime lord. Meanwhile, Chewbacca is gambling at Sabacc to earn the money to repair his A-Wing. Zarro spots our furry hero and the arm-twisting begins. She’s very skilled at appealing to his sense of justice as you’ll see in the flashbacks Chewie has whenever Zarro mentions the horrors the people in the mine are enduring. They have to hurry too, the gangster is planning to sell the whole operation to the Empire.

Author Gerry Duggan and artist Phil Noto did an excel job with a character who doesn’t speak anything audible (or would it be legible) for the audience. It became another trade I scored thanks to the strong presence of Zarro. She may be a kid but she doesn’t give you diabetes by being sickeningly sweet or precocious, a common error when writers script the dialog of children or teens.

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This miniseries is the dud in the quartet. I had higher expectations regarding anything with Obi-Wan Kenobi as the star. The focus here is mainly Anakin though. For some reason, these two go on an adventure between the dreadful Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones to investigate a distress signal from a world the Republic has quarantined and/or ignored. What they encounter is some boring steampunk planet embroiled in a civil war of sorts. Sprinkle in some Anakin flashbacks in which he has some private face time hanging with Chancellor Palpatine. Even without Lucas driving the franchise, the Jedi remain pretty dumb by allowing one of their most volatile probationary students to hang out with galaxy’s head of state. Too bad this story is incredibly boring in addition to its implausibility.

On the upside, Poe Dameron has his miniseries coming up next! The short verdict if you scrolled down.

  • Princess Leia: yes
  • Lando: yes
  • Chewbacca: yes
  • Obi-Wan & Anakin: no, watch Clone Wars instead.
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We joined the 21st Century…

Posted on April 2, 2016 by Steve

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I think we were already there, we just finally caught up on the TV front thanks to the original TV we had dying at a bad time; Daredevil season two was posted by Netflix! We had to dip into our vacation fun and Somara had been saving up for new Ikea crap so it didn’t hurt…much…to upgrade. We did our homework via Costco and Ikea. Then came the part I hate, re-arranging the furniture followed assembling the Swedish puzzle boxes. At least I had a good lunch at the store before stuffing the pieces into Somara’s Honda Fit; yes, it was possible in one trip with both of us inside.

How I wish the hassles stopped with assembly. The PS3 had to be reset a couple times to understand it was no longer communicating through the composite port. Audio was the bigger headache when we tried to watch Toy Story on Blu-Ray. Background music galore and the people talking were at a murmur. I said the hell with it on the Monday night we christened it all. The weird part was the Mini (music source) being fine). Last night I decided to keep futzing with the settings. Eureka! I found a way to get the TV’s speaker(s) to coordinate with the stereo which let me enjoy Toy Story audibly as well as visually.

What kind of TV is it? Some Vizio 43″ thing with LED backlighting. That’s as far as I know or care. The price point was good. Vizio is a good brand. Costco threw in a reasonably priced extension to cover it for five years too.

Next up, properly disposing of the ol’ faithful TV and getting used to the new layout. It’ll be a while before we have anyone over to watch something, we’re trying to organize other jazz around the house.

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Happy April!

Posted on April 2, 2016 by Steve

I decided to let April Fool’s Day go. Miette may be 17 but she’s hanging in there with her thyroid issue and Apple turning 40 didn’t really inspire much. Couldn’t think of a good prank neither.

The header above is the last of the Sixties crew as they posed for their Wrath of Khan photos, the best flick they did. Roddenberry hated those uniforms. He said they looked too militaristic. I do miss the colors (red, blue and gold) yet they’re snazzier than those goofy pajamas The Motion(less) Picture had.

Khan has a special place in my life too. It was the 1982 Summer movie for me as we awaited the inevitable move to Houston. I kept thinking about how it wasn’t really happening. We were never going to reside in a true city, let alone another state nor region of America. The reality happened in late August though. Meanwhile, I saw Khan twice at the White Oaks Mall’s threeplex. Oddly, it was on HBO pretty quickly too, I think around Christmas ’82 or early ’83.

Hoping to post a bit more this April since it will be rather eventful and taking a chance somebody is still reading. Nobody comments anymore because the process had to be more onerous to keep spammers out. Do you think we’d have this problem if our world wasn’t filled with numerous, rapacious capitalists willing waste so much energy for such a little possible return?

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Ugh, even Darth Vader does it

Posted on March 27, 2016 by Steve

darthvaderselfie

Even Darth Vader can’t get one of his officers or Stormtroopers to take the picture for him. To me “selfies” create a weird perspective and amplify the dick moves many Americans are prone to doing.

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Dave Attell

Posted on March 26, 2016 by Steve

daveattell

A sold-out show in Austin with Dave Attell! Years ago, he used to have a show on Comedy Central called Insomniac in which he’d travel to a particular city to explore what there was to do from late evening until dawn. Dave even came to cover Austin which sadly isn’t has 24-hour as it used to be when I moved here in the Nineties. If there are any people active between midnight and dawn, it’s third-shifters working at a call center or startup.

Dave was on fire. He’s one of those rapid-fire jokers. Shifting from topic to topic. Doing crowd work. The man is sharp. I thought everybody had done all the jokes you could make about Cap City’s location in a strip mall. Nope. Dave had three new ones I hadn’t thought about.

I thanked him during the photo op for making those phone calls to Marc Maron; usually to talk and/or plug his other shows. His latest Dave Attell: Road Work is now on Netflix, I highly recommend him but he’s not for the squeamish or politically correct.

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RIP Garry Shandling

Posted on March 26, 2016 by Steve

garryshandling

A damned shame Garry died suddenly because he was a quiet, unsung hero of comedy but it wasn’t always that way. When I first saw him, he was in the same camp as Billy Crystal, a rather boring Johnny Carson favorite. Sure there was a good joke now and then.

My opinion changed with a bit on Televisions Parts, a short-lived Summer filler show NBC aired by Michael Nesmith. Between the musical or odd bits, Nesmith’s program would elaborate on a comedian’s stand-up bit by transforming it into something more tangible. An example of one you can find is Jay Leno’s schtick about owning an original Buick in the Eighties. Garry’s was the awkwardness of going on a date with a beauty pageant contestant. If you ever see the skit, it’s pretty solid and funny.

I never saw his Showtime run of It’s Garry Shandling’s Show due to college and I probably wouldn’t have given it much of a chance. We had Showtime in North Dakota. The “edgy” offerings they had while I was finishing high school (Washingtooon and Brothers) weren’t very strong. The final season or two did jump ship to the fledgling Fox network. I was definitely getting swayed to understand Garry’s more offbeat humor through the lowest-common-denominator network. Obviously, Show was canceled after a short run. Fox used to (still does) go through programs like everyone changes socks…daily. One legacy from this, Al Jean used to write for Show and he went on to gamble his career writing for some silly cartoon based upon this doodles of LA cult fave Matt Groening.

Garry didn’t stay under the radar for long. He was back on HBO by 1992 with what I believe will be his greatest legacy…The Larry Sanders Show. Much like Chevy Chase, David Letterman, Joan Rivers, Jay Leno, etc. Garry had been mentioned as Johnny Carson’s successor. I’m glad this never happened. He would’ve failed because the transition would’ve happened while Carson’s core audience remained intact. Giving him a later slot as Letterman might have been successful. However, it was rumored Garry felt a daily talk show was too much of a grind so Letterman following Johnny was wiser; Garry and David did share similar comedic DNA as peers at the Comedy Store in the Seventies.

Anyway, HBO was where Garry and his crew could cut loose with Larry, a very hilarious, nasty, behind-the-scenes comedy about a talk-show host and his staff. It was genius. There were segments on tape in which you’d see some of this show on an imaginary network while “real life” took place on film. Larry‘s ensemble cast paved the way for News Radio too. Rip Torn and Jeffrey Tambor’s careers received a new act through Larry. Before then, Torn usually played heavies (his villain in The Beastmaster was only funny by accident). Tambor I only knew as the snobby neighbor on the Three’s Company spinoff The Ropers. Actual celebrities getting in on the act was fantastic too. David Duchovny’s suspected crush on Larry; William Shatner always shilling his TekWar novels; Sharon Stone dating Larry; and Carol Burnett complaining about Larry’s lack of comedic timing. The “off-screen” antics were what made Larry a hit and if you were a comedy nerd like me, you could see it was a commentary on what was going on in Hollywood and the networks. Garry proved to be a generous force through this show as well. Larry propelled Judd Apatow, Mary Lynn Rajskub, Janeane Garafolo, Wally Langham, Scott Thompson, Jeremy Piven, Sarah Silverman, Jon Favreau and the biggest  boost recipient in my opinion was Jon Stewart; he was Larry’s permanent guest host and eventual successor when the show ended.

Larry could’ve kept going a few more seasons but Garry decided to wrap it up at six, provide a conclusive bittersweet finale (the network shafted him and he had little talent so his fate is left up to the viewers). Bittersweet? Johnny Carson and Letterman finished at retirement age so they enjoyed (or are enjoying) the twilight years; Ferguson hosts a show on History which is more his pace. Larry had no such options.

For the last ten years though, most people went to recognize Garry as Iron Man’s US Senate antagonist, Senator Stern. Him being a member of Hydra was a funny twist since Garry wasn’t really the diabolical type.

Lastly, playing Verne the Turtle in Over the Hedge was a rare, perfect casting decision by Dreamworks. Garry’s uptight personality provided the conflict and comedy needed to counter Bruce Willis’ RJ the devil-may-care raccoon.

Thanks Garry. I’m glad I scored the boxed set of Larry Sanders. When we get our TV situation figured out and resolved, I will be binge watching those DVDs laughing through some tears. You will be missed enormously because in death, your non-comedic contributions in helping other comedians like Conan O’Brien get through tough times have come to light.

I’ll close with a zinger he gave about Trump several weeks ago. It demonstrated his self-deprecating humor, skill and timing.

“(Re: Trump) A real man doesn’t talk about the size of his penis unless he’s a comedian.”

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Pinup shirt!

Posted on March 22, 2016 by Steve

modernenemy

Not sure what the context is from the episode, I’ve only seen about first three of the current season, but hey, any cheesecake of Dr. Girlfriend makes me laugh.

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Belated birthday fun for Liliana

Posted on March 20, 2016 by Steve
littlegarabetians

The birthday girl (left) really liked her Sandy Cheeks card from the Spongebob Squarepants push game.

Another fun time at Pinballz but it’s even better when I get to celebrate with the little people. I have to get another generation into arcade games or else I’ll have no place to hang out should I live long enough to retire!

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Anthrax

Posted on March 20, 2016 by Steve

ianscott

Update: A story that was overlooked due to my illness (the flu and whatnot) near the beginning of 2016.

Before the release of their latest album For All Kings which is being praised as the Metal album of 2016 (is there such a category anymore given the crap that passes for Metal now?), the band came by Waterloo Records. They remain a Metal act I still respect unlike Metallica and I never cared for the Hair acts (see Motley Crue, Poison, etc.). Besides, Anthrax paid tribute to their influences a while back via an EP called Anthems which had obvious choice AC/AC yet included Thin Lizzy and Cheap Trick. The latter two bands I consider more Power Pop with a tinge of Arena Rock but neither are close to Metal.

In anticipation I scored a vinyl re-issue of Among the Living which was perfect. It has their track honoring Judge Dredd in “I Am The Law.” Getting it autographed was cool. Why? Four of the original members remain after all these years!

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I squeezed in a little face time with Ian. I had to give him a verbal high five for defending Hanson on VH-1’s I Love the 90s; he said to the effect, nobody should be criticizing them, they wrote and played their own stuff. I also asked when he’d be doing another song with comedian Brian Posehn. Ian’s answer, when Brian is ready to do it again.

Thanks Waterloo Records! To all the doubters, you try to get a good band regardless of its age to do a signing at Wal-Mart. You won’t get Taylor Swift to stoop so low for we’re all dumb sheep to the possum-faced Lady Madonna Stefani.

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Two Justice League videos that sucked stylistically

Posted on March 19, 2016 by Steve

justiceleague-flashpoint

We’re about a week away from the upcoming Batman v. Superman movie which may either be really awesome or incredibly awful. There’s very little in-between for superhero flicks with the obscene budgets they have. I want it to be good but there’s three huge red flags warning it won’t.

  1. Zack Snyder is involved.
  2. The flat Henry Cavill from Man of Steel continues to be Superman.
  3. It’s being released in the Spring, often the graveyard of bigger, potential flops during the more lucrative Summer season.

However, DC’s corporate parent wants a string of successes on par with Marvel/Disney. For a long time though they ruled the smaller screen via their animation offerings. My personal favorite was Justice League: New Frontier, adopting Darwyn Cooke’s take on how the Silver Age began for DC.

These two entries are now available through Netflix and I wish could recommend them. Sadly this critique is a warning to save the three hours you’ll want back.

First up is Justice League: The Flashpoint Paradox in which the Flash (they’re back to using Barry Allen now) wakes up in an alternate timeline without his powers. Seems he was very critical to the League’s formation and cohesion too: no Superman, Batman is functioning drunk Thomas Wayne, no Green Lantern, Wonder Woman led an invasion of the UK, Aquaman is at war with everyone and the latter two heroes’ nations are going to destroy the world in their larger conflict. Flasnpoint is probably a synthesis of three story lines DC had, a common tactic to squeeze into an 80-minute feature.

The biggest problem is the art/style. Many characters have thick necks like they’re NFL linebackers. How do they animate this? As for the plot, it’s a shame they made two other major DC Universe events (Atlantis warring with the “surface world” and the Amazon invasion) into “oh by the way, these things happened.”

Next is Justice League: War, an animated retelling of how the current Justice League formed as per the 2011 reboot (more of a soft/half-assed reboot) to DC’s Universe. Traditionally the founding seven members join forces through an alien invasion. For several decades it was the shape-shifting Apellexians (sic) and in the awesome Bruce Timm-influenced series it was shape-shifting aliens who had exterminated life on Mars before they came to Earth. To tie everything up nicely in DC, 2011 shifted to Darkseid as the invader and Cyborg’s origin is a key plot point. The League is formed to shut down his influx of Parademons. This cartoon follows the first six issues pretty closely with one major change, Aquaman is traded out for Captain Marvel (aka Shazam!). I know Aquaman isn’t terribly interesting but Marvel is redundant even if his powers are derived from magic. You already have Superman and Wonder Woman. They’re mostly identical in what they can do in a fight against hundreds of Parademons and/or punching a 20-foot tall Darkseid. Throw in the Big Cheese (what villains traditionally call Captain Marvel) and Darkseid should have a harder time enduring a pummeling. Plus his Omega Force eye power cannot disintegrate Marvel given the divine protection he has.

Again, there’s more crappy art. The weirder thing is how there’s PG-13 language to make it edgier. Whatever! It remains dull.

I don’t mind DC Animation wanting to try something new, something different. Just avoid clunky animation styles. The Seventies’ Superfriends style was more pleasing on the eye. Hell, maybe they should stick with the Bruce Timm “tiny ankles/big chest.” At least it flowed smoothly to cover up weak stories.

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No shamrock shakes this year

Posted on March 17, 2016 by Steve

That or I’m going to the wrong McDonald’s every single time. Maybe I should just buy a good vanilla shake somewhere else and put green food-coloring in it.

In other funny news, NYC’s police force will be easing up on public drinking and urination today. Given their track record, they’ll just beat the minorities to death instead of shooting them in cold blood.

Fear not. I’m wearing my green Pinky and the Brain as Jamie and Adam shirt to protect me from other alumni of parochial schools.

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