Krampus: Rental

krampus

An attempt at a Horror Comedy which doesn’t really provide enough of either. It had a few humorous moments commenting on the holiday’s commercialization and redneck relatives. As for the horrifying parts, they don’t have to be covered in splatter (fear not, they’re not in Krampus) but most instances weren’t terribly frightening.

The premise centers around a little boy being taunted by classmates and his family for his continued belief in Santa. In a fit of anger, he destroys his letter to St. Nick which then triggers the events you’ll see: the weather changing, civilization disappearing and inevitably, the Krampus making his play.

There are some good performances by David Koechner and Toni Collette, an out-of-place animation sequence (telling a flashback) and costumed cameos of people who can pass as evil little elves. I’m glad we saw Gremlins since this didn’t scratch the itch to combine the two genres to get a good result. The only thing to make this quick cash-in on the Krampus trend memorable would require Ted Turner to show it ad nauseum every year in place of the more well-respect A Christmas Story.

Alamo Extras: A winter-themed cartoon; a music video with a song about the Krampus; an animated New York Times piece about the Krampus of Japan, Germany and Iceland; some weird horror movie starring the guy who played Grizzly Adams in the Seventies; Footage of the Krampus making a comeback in Germany after the re-unification; and the Krampus gaining traction in American culture through these shows: American Dad, The Venture Brothers, Once Upon a Time, The League and General Hospital.

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Gremlins: Our Xmas movie for 2015

gremlins

When it comes to Christmas, many people in my generation go with Die Hard as their holiday flick. I’ve never seen it plus I can’t stand Bruce Willis, another chicken-shit-hawk “action” star.

Anyway, yeah, I know…it’s Christmas and the movie is supposed to be set around the holiday despite Gremlins debuting in the Summer of 1984. I remember seeing it in a theater, an uncommon treat when I was high school since my parents could be cheap on the little comforts. Plus, you could possibly see boobs in a PG movie then, a common fear my mother had.

It still holds up. The timing remains funny. The surroundings of 1983-4 don’t detract from the story. Not even mush-mothed, future rehab-failure, reality star Corey Feldman ruined the movie. His scenes were small thankfully. What I did learn, because I forgot, was Judge Reinhold’s presence as a romantic rival for Phoebe Cates (he didn’t have a prayer, bummer, Fast Times at Ridgemont High all over again) and Jonathan Banks (Prof. Hickey in Community, Mike in Breaking Bad) was a drunk deputy. I do remember Howie Mandel providing Gizmo’s voice. I learned and should’ve known all along, voice-actor emeritus Frank Welker did the rest, especially the raspy Stripe.

Gremlins never was scary but I’ve always been surprised about the film’s popularity. The creatures killed numerous people. Maybe it was due to the murders being humorous, namely the mean lady who wanted to kill the hero’s dog. This happened all the time in the Friday the 13th franchise and they never gained any appeal beyond (disturbed) teenage boys and young men. The story was predictable for it’s the time-worn adage regarding humanity’s immaturity with a force of nature or new technology. Chris Columbus and Joe Dante executed the tale beyond the usual drivel we had in the Eighties.

Alamo Extras: A string of trailers entailing Gremlins ripoffs and you know Roger Corman managed to make at least one. How he got Dom DeLuise to provide the voice for the title monster was quite a success.

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Happy Solstice!

The “shortest day” of the year happened about 10:48 PM CST in Austin. What passes for Winter down here has begun. To all you who rationalize your generally crappy weather with “I’d miss the change of seasons” cliché, keep telling yourselves that while I only have to wear a heavy jacket for maybe a month.

Sorry if that comes off a little mean. I had to give a tail-gator the finger on the way in to work this morning. Austinites think the shoulder is an extra lane.

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Found my present!

playmobilhockey

It’s pretty impressive. There’s a rink (don’t care if it’s to scale), a Zamboni, referees (really a ref and a linesman) with the Stanley Cup® and blister packs of the six oldest teams. The rink set comes with stickers to put numbers on the players’ backs plus other teams. The Flyers are conspicuously missing. I think the toy is aimed at Quebecker kids.

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What my car could use

grumpycatflip

It would be my rebuttal to all the drivers around Austin who have to be ahead of me, like to weave around, yap on their phone while driving and have either “Fire Pelosi,” “Stop Spending” or the usual raw, anti-Obama crap bumperstickers.

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A little stocking stuffer with our house!

HouseGrid23

We are drawing closer! I think next year we’ll be at the point when 40% of our house payment goes toward the principal.

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Get away from him you bitch!

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Not sure if Shaggy is trying to save Scooby from the Alien Queen or the new girlfriend getting in the way of their friendship! Give it a moment to let the joke sink in.

Another hilarious creation by Texas’ own Lego User Group. Not sure who the master builder was. I recently scored the Mystery Machine set myself from Pinballz. Maybe I can find out which additional pieces were utilized to make such a brightly-colored battlebot.

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The Force Awakens: Must See!

forceawakens

NO SPOILERS SO SHUT THE F*** UP, RELAX AND READ ON!

If I see that warn-out car joke one more time, right next to the UK carry-on meme, I’m going to go off on the social retard.

Anyway, I had the good fortune of seeing The Force Awakens on its pre-opening night which is Thursday evenings these days. My nephew in Qatar was even luckier, he saw it Wednesday night which I’m surprised the GOP didn’t blame Obama for. To me, this means democracy has failed once again.

In all seriousness, JJ Abrams succeeded by making the movie Lucas should’ve made 16 years ago but we had to wait 32 for. As much as I dislike Abrams for what he did to a pair of Star Trek movies, I was more cautiously optimistic here. In a 2009-based interview he confessed he didn’t really know much about Trek (it showed) and was a Star Wars fan. Force lived up to the hype regarding practical effects too. There’s little to no issues of the actors missing the sight lines to digital creations or more of what I’ve recently noticed in a re-watching of the prequels…stiff, awkward hugs.

Another element Abrams impressed me with were the little humorous touches. He did excellently on making the gags subtle, memorable and well-timed…unlike Lucas’ sledgehammer, slapstick approach via the droids and Jar Jar. I really wasn’t expecting this, more like I forgot.

Will the fans enjoy this? Absolutely. There are good performances from the cast. Not clumsy, stiff lines.

Are there true surprises? You’ll have to see it and decide for yourself.

Will the non-diehards enjoy this or just roll their eyes as they often do? There are always curmudgeons amongst them who think they’re Pauline Kael but enough are going to be impressed.

The franchise appears to be in good hands despite being the property of a real-life, evil media empire.

Alamo Extras: We got there a bit late and we needed to score our Mondo glasses. If I choose to do a spoiler-filled review (unlikely) later, I can give the whole lowdown. For now it was…Foreign movies and domestic TV which have borrowed elements of Star Wars clips; a parody of This is Your Life with C-3P0; a site that re-dubbed Darth Vader’s parts with other roles James Earl Jones played; old Kenner toy commercials; a snippet from the dreadful 1978 holiday special; Alamo modified their how-to order instructions with Yoda’s voice and diction; the infamous sorority girl complaint call redone as if Darth Vader were calling; and a little prank about what they were going to show instead of The Force Awakens.

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Rogues Gallery’s annual holiday diorama

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Nick went with the obvious choice, Star Wars. One day I’ll get to take a picture without the glass glaring and blurring the coolness of his work.

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Socialism strikes and succeeds again!

The winning streak my credit union has been on has run so long I can’t remember when they started handing out dividends. Unlike a bank, whenever my credit union turns a profit, the board shares the result with us shareholders! I wish it applied to my money market but I’ll take it with my minimal savings (share) account.

Anyway, CEFCU announced $40 million of success which resulted in my savings account practically tripled. I rolled the money into my money market though, said the $192 went toward paying back what we borrowed to cover the IRS.

This result once again proves my complaint with for-profit banks. It’s not just the dividends which are a pleasant surprise, it’s the mismanagement and greed behind the major banks around the world. Yet the litany about Capitalism gets banded about while credit unions continue to kick their asses.

I’m glad I joined a credit union in 1990. I didn’t stay with my first one due to the move to Illinois. When I had the opportunity to join another in 1993, I pounced on the opportunity and have done everything possible to remain. We them in Austin. I just haven’t been too impressed with the major player UFCU, they behave like a bank a little too often for my tastes. Despite my reservations, they grew during the Great Recession while the too big to jail companies contracted.

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A mostly accurate toy commercial

I’m glad I’m not the grownups they’re ridiculing entirely. I lucked out in marrying a unicorn (for my generation) and I follow Woody’s philosophy on toys.

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Mystery Science Theater 3000 will return!

mst3ksuccess

…and the Maggi Republic helped! We pitched in enough to get the Blu-Rays plus I wanted the stretch goals, no wait, add-ons of thumb drives of Crow and Tom. Having had the great luck to meet Joel Hodgson a couple years ago, he was awesome and very happy to continue to meet fans after all these years, I had no reservations to contribute. Some have complained about how the new episodes will not have the original cast members (Trace Beaulieu and Frank Conniff namely) but to me I think it’s in line with Joel’s mindset to pass the torch to a new group. He has always been someone who doesn’t want things to grow stale, besides, Patton Oswalt as Frank Jr. is a huge coup. Felicia Day as Dr. Forrester’s daughter strengthens the comeback’s nerd credibility; I have no opinion for I’m not familiar with her work and yes, I’ve hear of The Guild. Dana Gould and Mark Hamill contributed alongside others who may have cameos: Bill Hader, Jerry Seinfeld (Joel and Jerry have been friends since the Eighties so this isn’t a shock to me), Jack Black, Neil Patrick Harris and Joel McHale. Even Dan Harmon and Justin Roiland of Rick & Morty will help with the writing alongside hit writer Ernest Cline of Ready Player One.  Hard to believe how a little show that began on a UHF station in Minneapolis inspired numerous and talented people. It makes me play down its negative side, other assholes thought they gained the right to talk during a movie, something Alamo forbids…unless it’s a Quote-along/Singalong.

I’m glad to see Joel has no hard feelings toward the other faction of writers who operate Rifftrax too. They were included in his stretch goals.

Now what makes me laugh inside. This project has become the largest crowd-funded project in history and yet Comedy Central continues to have spotty, crappy programming. I enjoy an occasional South Park but they should’ve kept MST3K and chosen expansion over axing. Then again, the executive caste driving the world into the toilet wouldn’t know their markets if it bit them on the ass as this will prove.

Push the button Frank!

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Got to meet little Robin last night

I think she’s the youngest baby I’ve ever met; two and a half days old. Mammals like humans are most puzzling at the beginning. We’re incredibly small. Very helpless. We take a long time to develop into functional adults…physically. It’s amazing how our race managed to beat up the other creatures. Elephants can get up and march with the herd in a matter of hours. Kittens become cats capable of reproduction in six months. We have the advantage of language, tool usage and an opposable thumb. I guess we need a couple decades to master these.

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Smarter Than You Think by Clive Thompson

smarterthanyouthink

Three cheers for the podcast On the Media because they interviewed the author who’s little summary/arguments sold me on his book.

I’ll start from the easy angle. Today’s teenagers. They’re often seen on their mobile devices (often cell phones), staring into them, sending text messages, pictures, so on. My niece Anna doesn’t even read e-mail so don’t even bother expecting an answer. What’s the common response from older people, including myself? It just shows how rude they’ve become. These things are turing them into morons. So on and so forth. In their defense, when I was a kid, we often could be found burying our faces into the old Mattel hand-held sports games while waiting in queue. We heard the same rhetoric and responded with standard adolescent eye rolling. However, Thompson picks apart the age-old diatribe stating how a new gadget will make us dumber.

One of the earliest critics against technological innovation, in this case, the written word, was Socrates (allegedly). The famous philosopher felt that writing down stuff froze the facts, argument, whatever; writing created a dangerous state of permanency. We snicker now but the means to write have been readily available for at least a couple centuries. Imagine how our descendants (if they’re not dying through climate change) will laugh at us when they read about our rants over the newer tools we have. I think they’ll ridicule our lack of formalized etiquette. Thompson’s point is over time, we humans find new ways to integrate, improve and make these developments ubiquitous, thus making the past/present fears seem silly. A couple strong examples: centaurs, a human and a computer teaming up to play chess instead of against each other; and how we have delegated certain memory functions to gadgets. Do you remember anyone else’s phone number anymore? In addition, he gave me more ammo to prove the existence of “institutional memory,” which managerial types hate. They blather on about collaboration yet believe through online/Web tools, all information workers can do the exact same work consistently. The same goes for the shitty, no-cubicle/office movement. There are time when people need to be isolated to tackle a problem before they should collaborate, aka, there is such as thing as too much collaboration. What I call, thinking by committee.

He’s not a complete cheerleader neither. Past declarations are brought up that didn’t come true: war would end thanks to the telegraph, radio and airplanes; and then there’s the healthy skepticism on how FaceBook didn’t cause the Arab Spring, it helped, it just wasn’t the instigator and enabled a rather organized dissident movement. Another scary fact. China may have the Great Firewall to block out what they don’t want their citizens to see/know (Tibet, Tiananmen Square) which is mostly successful at keeping people in line. Scarier regimes leave the Internet even more open to arrest dissidents at random as Azerbaijan does, thus they’re more effective than the Chinese. With the latter, it reminds me of how the US government under Dick Cheney will go too far.

I highly recommend Thompson’s book. My reservations regarding privacy, incivility and rudeness remain. I now see some upsides and I’m grateful he wasn’t as sold on all the bullshit being peddled on how all these “game changers” are going to make the world better while making a few particular assholes wealthier.

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Welcome Robin

robin0

What great timing! Robin shares a birthday with my great friend Sonia. What a trend setter Sonia is!

Robin is the first child and daughter of our friends Matthew and Elizabeth. You may know them as the lawyers I play D&D with, no, you’re probably thinking of John and Mark. We do other things beside gaming.

With Robin arriving on 12/7/15, I lost on the pool. I went with 12/12, close to not too close for The Force Awakens.

I do look forward to spoiling this little girl with positive role-model toys: Legos, kick-ass female heroes and maybe, just maybe, she’ll play D&D with us old farts.

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