Off to Big D to see Nancy and Hoser

Posted on November 20, 2015 by Steve

Pretty stoked to see a second college buddy within a month! What are the plans? I don’t have any need or expectations for anything elaborate. To me, this is more about hanging out, reconnecting, catching up and making new fun memories. At our advanced age, have no fear of us doing anything (physically) stupid: riding on a motorcycle with a solid buzz, urinating on or off certain buildings, walking over pickup trucks in the way home and I’m now 50 pounds heavier which ruins my ability to provide the Anushka “after” imitation.

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1985: Calvin & Hobbes makes it debut

Posted on November 18, 2015 by Steve

ch851118

I think it appeared in about 20-30 newspapers, new strips don’t make a big splash right away due to the expense but Calvin & Hobbes was a hit pretty quickly. Calvin was certainly an easy-to-relate to character even if you didm’t have an imaginary friend, Watterson was skilled at capturing the energy, helplessness and creativity of a small child. He was also wise enough to quit while he was ahead. Newspapers are struggling to make the transition with a generation of people who think everything should be free, OK, I don’t pay for the paper neither. I did have a sub to the New York Times recently, just making time to read it becomes a chore.

Moving along…

The strip went on to be a staple with many in college. Practically every Summer you could count on another compilation trade paperback to revisit past story arcs and the Sunday episodes in color. I think he was ripped off in numerous college shirts/artwork until the Simpsons appeared. Calvin urinating on a symbol allegedly originated from a Florida university ripping on a sports rival. How my nerves grate with the successor of him praying. Can’t we enjoy something without the Religious Right hijacking to put on the gas-guzzling vehicles for once?

After I graduated from college was when I finally got the joke/interpretation of the characters’ roles. Calvin and Hobbes are two of America’s foundational thinkers. John Calvin the Protestant founder who tends to receive the credit for pre-destination/grace-based denominations: Baptists, Methodists and often their Fundamentalist ilk. The “pilgrims” were Calvinists seeking grace in the New World. Thomas Hobbes’ adherents would’ve been in the middle and southern colonies. A voice of doubt with a gift for saying the obvious like the tiger does. You can see it in their behavior. Calvin will go off on a tear and Hobbes makes a cutting remark, citing the flaw in Calvin’s point. I had no luck finding the parody strip someone did with Calvin dressed as a Reformation-era Protestant taking his stuffed dragon to the stake to be burned. In the final panel, the dragon (Thomas Hobbes) transforms into a real one reminding the boy (John Calvin) how he is much like all of humanity, brutal and short.

Another solid parody was (Cliff) Clavin and Hobbes. The blowhard mailman from Cheers sitting next to Hobbes at a bar, blathering what he knows about tigers.

Thanks again Mr. Watterson. Your strip was a nice change of pace to balance out the cynicism of my other fave in the Eighties, which has returned (again), Bloom County.

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Next up…Hot Wheels slippers

Posted on November 18, 2015 by Steve

legoslippers

Here’s the plan everyone, go to lego.com or your nearby Lego Store and demand these! Why? If you read the source article I did, only 1500 pairs were made plus they’re only being sold in France! France? I could see Denmark, the home of Lego. I could see Germany since the toys are tested against those children’s strength. America because we’re the largest market. Not France.

These would’ve been nice to have when I was a kid but as the title says, for Hot Wheels. Dad had a bad habit of stepping on our little cars when I was a kid. The Legos tended to be elsewhere, either put away or assembled into one of the many starships and fighters we designed for our ongoing space operas.

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Winter is coming to Austin now

Posted on November 17, 2015 by Steve

Today we had our first major downpour to bring the temperature down significantly. Actually, we’ve had a pretty wet Fall. Now if we just had  wet Falls for about a decade, maybe we’d return to the water levels we used to have in the Nineties thanks to all the overdevelopment…I mean growth as the Republicans and Plutocrats call it.

There’s an upside. I start to wear my cold-weather Chucks! I get to break out my biker jacket, compared to the Midwest, it’s the heaviest thing I need to wear here to stay comfortably warm. Throw in a scarf and decent gloves, boom! perfection. Layers definitely work better here. Soup and chili for dinner or lunch.

This morning it’s a good thing we left the house early, somebody didn’t use their brain and wrecked into the underpass to I-35 at the main exit from Pflugerville. It took us 30 minutes to get from the main drag out to Wells Branch (the main thoroughfare we take until McNeil or Parmer to work). The cops had the whole area blocked off so we had to drive on the feeders all the way north to Grand Avenue (a mile away), use the U-turn, then south until Wells Branch. It was smoother sailing afterwards. With such a late start, I knew to skip McNeil. Despite the newer lanes/asphalt on the street in front of McNeil HS, the protected left on to Parmer is a mess after 6:45.

Sounds like complaining. Not really. After 21 years, it’s not hard to remember how this would be a “warm” day in Wisconsin or Illinois. Let’s see, it’s mid-November now. Yeah, the temperatures would close to freezing at night and we’d be lucky to have a peak in the low 50s F during the day. I’ll take this due to it being par for the course, except for the car accidents. Within a month, most dumbasses here will finally remember not to drive too quickly and how to properly use their ABS. As for driving while being on the phone? I doubt you can fix a deeper ingrained idiocy, like voting Republican.

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We survived our latest trip to Ikea

Posted on November 16, 2015 by Steve

Actually, we’ve always survived and I guess I’m guilty of going after the long-hanging comedic fruit. An alternative version of Seinfeld’s “What is it with airline food?” which future generations will be puzzled by, the airlines don’t give you crap and we’re slowly being treated like cargo.

I’m rather indifferent to Ikea. They have free Wi-Fi so I can let Somara go crazy in there to look over all the things on her wish list. They were showing The Lego Movie at the kiddie area, she wouldn’t let me stay and watch, damn it. I had to come along because my vote was needed on at least two different options for our living room. Then there were the new LED bulbs we wanted to replace the fluorescents in the master bathroom; trust me, they’re great, we have them in the living room and master bedroom. None have burned out in the couple years after installation, plus even less heat given off.

My peeve with Ikea isn’t the maze-like layout, I know how to read, ergo, I can find the clearly labeled shortcuts. No, it’s the sense of frustration they instill with their designs/layouts. What they allegedly can do with a mere 300-square-foot place (28-square meters) borders on Science Fiction. I walk away going, I have a good-sized living room and master bedroom, why can’t my house look that efficient?

Meanwhile, we successfully purchased and assembled these two-drawer night-standy things to have in the living room to put on the ends of the couch. They look nice. Next up, changing those light bulbs.

Now imagine there's two and you can see the living room!

Now imagine there’s two and you can see the living room!

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I must have this gaming table! 2015 edition

Posted on November 15, 2015 by Steve
ultimatetableopen

Trays and cup holders for the players too!

I posted a different one years ago but that guy allegedly sold his off and he never published the blueprints to make others. This table up above is actually sold by a guy in Wisconsin via his own company called Hammered Game Tables. They’re not cheap. If the sub link is correct, a standard beauty runs about $3200 before customization. I think the owner’s stuff is worth every penny though. He uses good materials, alder or oak, LEDs and electrical wiring can be included.

Even if I had the money, my puny house doesn’t have a big enough room for the table. Sure the living room would do yet it’s where we watch TV and have guests who aren’t into gaming. The non-master bedrooms are too small. Forget the kitchen-dining area. The ultimate solution? Maybe an apartment or cheap business space…in Austin? HA! I can always dream and/or save up.

In chameleon mode to hide its real purpose from the "straights."

Chameleon mode to hide its real purpose from the “straights.”

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Stuff You Missed in History Class answered!

Posted on November 15, 2015 by Steve

This week I’ll be traveling to Dallas for a three-day weekend to hang out with another college buddy, Hoser. It will be my Prius C’s first road trip beyond the boundaries of what is culturally Austin; to the north it would be easily well past Georgetown. One major highlight on the way there and back will be catching up on my major podcasts: 99% Invisible, Inquiring Minds, Nerd Poker, On the Media, Mortified, Fresh Air and of course, Stuff You Missed in History Class.

Speaking of History, I caught their episode regarding the Harlem Hellfighters of WWI. Their focus was on Henry Johnson, one of the most decorated members and American soldiers from the Great War. I took a chance on writing to the hosts, they give an e-mail address all the time. I wanted to contribute something positive because I’m confident they receive a continuous barrage from cranks, misogynists and Teabaggers (the main crowd who hate such shows). I thanked them for talking about this little known Black American unit then mentioned how I met Max Brooks while he was promoting his graphic novel about the 369th. Co-host Tracy Wilson answered me within a day! She returned my thanks and let me know she had read the book sometime after the episodes release.

That was so cool! I didn’t expect a reply. I figure Tracy and Holly are very busy researching future shows, recording them and a hundred other things. Still, it’s awesome to have your enthusiasm reciprocated. I’m also jealous of the hosts in a good way. I would love to work on such a program, however, the “good way” is that I wouldn’t do anything to push them out or attack. They’re doing a great job and more power to them! Podcasts and correspondence like this is when the Internet is living up to its promise.

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The New Teen Titans at 35

Posted on November 14, 2015 by Steve

newteentitans80trade

Thirty-five years ago The New Teen Titans was DC’s answer to Marvel’s wildly successful Uncanny X-Men. Surprisingly, it worked despite the two sets of characters being very different: Marvel’s team were outlaw mutants the world despised and DC’s Titans were mostly sidekicks trying to get out of their adult mentors’ shadows.

Today the Titans are more well-known for their goofy show on Cartoon Network. It’s OK. I’m glad they kept the same voice actors from the more serious version CN ran a decade ago, equally impressive. I just want to plug this new run of trade paperbacks reprinting the first couple years to younger comic fans. Maybe show them how Beast Boy and Cyborg’s camaraderie originated, why Starfire is naive about Earth culture, where did Deathstroke come from and that not all great superhero comics in the Eighties had to have X-something in their titles.

For me, I have to give the credit to my old high school friend Jon Kulas. Through Mayfair’s DC Heroes RPG and his collection of these comics, I was slowly drawn away from being exclusively a Marvel fanboy. Back then, the X-Men made more “sense.” Their powers were biologically driven and probably resulted from all the nuclear radiation in our atmosphere after WWII. An adult being struck by lightning or being bitten by a radioactive spider lacked credibility. The Titans on the other hand, I was willing to suspend my disbelief because Robin was their leader. When I was a small kid, my favorite Mego figure/doll was Robin. I can’t recall why exactly. His outfit’s colors? His accessories being transferrable to other Mego figures? No idea. I do continue to have a soft spot for Robin aka Dick Grayson. He seemed more relatable than Batman at times.

Anyway…Jon loaned me his back issues and they were pretty good. Unlike other DC characters, the Titans resided in NYC then, a real place. They battled new Villains created just for their book: Deathstroke, Brother Blood (an evil cult leader), Trident, the Fearsome Five and Trigon. They had lives outside being superheroes even though they were unrealistic. Cyborg hated being a superhero. His reconstructed cybernetic body made him ineligible to compete in the college athletics he loved. Robin had a new spin too. Sometime “recently,” he had a falling out with Batman  and he wanted to prove to his foster dad he wasn’t a dumb kid anymore.

The Titans went on to be my favorite DC title and I think it was the only non-Marvel book I would by until 1989. By then Tim Burton’s Batman rejuvenated the Dark Knight and I discovered DC’s other, less-tired team books: Justice League (the funny run with Kevin Maguire, Keith Giffen and JM DeMatties) and Suicide Squad (which will be ruined by an awful movie next Summer). The New Teen Titans was also hitting its nadir toward cancellation by the early Nineties too. Co-plotter/artist George Perez left by 1986 to reboot Wonder Woman and Marv Wolfman was running out of gas after Wonder Girl became Troia. Either DC couldn’t find someone to take over the writing reins from Wolfman, they didn’t want to or they thought it continued to sell enough issues.

These trades (currently volumes one thru three, four is due next January) recapture the original lighting-in-the-bottle run by Marv Wolfman and George Perez who were following the Chris Claremont and John Byrne partnership model of X-Men. The difference? I think Wolfman and Perez liked working together since they went on to do the legendary Crisis on Infinite Earths series for DC’s 50th. As I’m reading them now, the writing is rather heavy-handed and super cheesy. It’s like Wolfman was trying imitate Stan Lee with all the hyperbole. Perez’s art wasn’t as solid as I remember neither, probably due to the deadlines. My darn foolish nostalgic lenses! They’re still good comics and a great demonstration of how things were beginning to change as the Seventies gave way to the Eighties and the direct-sales model was taking over.

Volume One contains DC Presents #26 previewing the new team and issues 1-8; Volume Two is issues 9-16; and Volume Three is just 17-20 but includes Tales of the New Teen Titans 1-4 which covered the new characters’ origins in greater depth.

In closing, The New Teen Titans‘ successful formula for me was this:

  • The writer and primary artist were partners in telling the story. More often in comic books, the artists draws what the writer scripts, the end. I am in the camp to trust the artist to help me co-write since I can’t draw. Often, they have better ideas than mine. Comic books are also a collaboration even when the artist is the writer; there’s still an editor, a proofreader, a letterer, an inker and colorist.
  • They took an old idea, a book starring the sidekicks, but infused it with new blood without throwing away all the old members. It wouldn’t be the Teen Titans minus Robin so he stayed alongside a more interesting Wonder Girl and lovelorn Kid Flash. Beast Boy came over from The Doom Patrol as Changeling (he has since returned to being Beast Boy) which was a gamble, he wasn’t very interesting before Titans. The new blood of Starfire (alien princess), Raven (a solitary, shy mystic) and Cyborg were probably what brought in new interest.
  • Wolfman and Perez executed one of the best story arcs in comic books, aka “The Judas Contract.” I find it superior to the X-Men’s “Dark Phoenix” arc. The animated show tried to implement it but it fell apart due to the medium’s limitations. “Judas” led to a permanent shift in the team and the DC Universe, namely Dick Grayson retiring his Robin identity to become Nightwing. This has never been retconned surprisingly given how frequently DC reboots.

Thanks for introducing this title to me Jon and thank you Rogues Gallery for carrying the trades so I can get re-acquainted with what got me to enjoy comic books and superhero role-playing games.

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Spectre: Must See*

Posted on November 14, 2015 by Steve

spectre

Daniel Craig gets to finish out on a high note unlike three previous Bonds with Spectre, trust me, Day Another Day and A View to a Kill…PU! License Revoked was just mediocre because the franchise was struggling on numerous levels.

Now when I first heard that SPECTRE would return, I was rejoicing saying, “Finally! They’re going to bring back the terrorist organization which began with the Bond movies!” Blofeld, Largo and the gang ran the group responsible for spawning all the knock-offs, real (al-Qeda) and fake (Hydra, HIVE, AIM, etc.). Fleming’s SPECTRE was a terrorists’ terrorist! It wasn’t exactly motivated by ideology since its membership included former Nazis, ex-SMERSH agents, mobsters, representatives from Tito’s dictatorship, ethnic separatists in Europe and North African drug traders. SPECTRE was ahead of its time in the Sixties due to it acting like a corporation willing to sell to the highest bidder.

At least I found out why Blofeld and company remained shelved when the Nineties and beyond would’ve been the time to reintroduce them after the Soviet Union declined. Fleming’s creation was still embroiled in what I call the Thunderball lawsuit, hence Quantum acted as the poor substitute in Craig’s second flick. All the lawyers from Sony, MGM/US, EON, etc., did finally settle everything around 2013 and sadly, the people running Bond failed immensely. It’s why I put an asterisk after my rating. Huge diehards of James Bond are seriously disappointed.

NO SPOILER ALERT, but I’m sure anyone with an IQ over 60 will figure it out.

The movie opens with Bond in Mexico City. He’s taking part in the Day of the Dead festivities yet very quickly we see he’s really there to take out just another terrorist. After an impressive string of explosions and helicopter stunts, we jump to the trademark opening title sequence. Cut to silhouettes of nude women dancing set to a crappy song by flavor-of-the-month Sam Smith. Rule number one for me is starting to come true; if the Bond song is terrible, odds favor the movie will good. Exceptions: Casino Royale, Live and Let Die, Thunderball, Man with the Golden Gun and The Spy Who Loved Me. Die Another Day is absolute crap on every level.

Once again, Bond is on the carpet with M (now Ralph Fiennes). The assassination by 007 was not sanctioned by MI-6 and M has a new boss who oversees all UK intelligence operations. Once again, Bond is suspended which as always leads to him carrying out the investigation without official assistance from M, Q and Moneypenny. Ho hum! In Spectre‘s defense, we’re not inundated with product placements plugging gear MI-6 isn’t likely to utilize. Bond’s hunches play out, blah blah blah, giant conspiracy involving blah blah blah, saves the day, the end. Oh yeah, Bond gets laid a couple times.

It’s not all awful, otherwise, I would’ve given the movie a more negative rating instead throwing on a caveat for fellow Bond fans.

I do love the continuity. The producers rip off Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man sequels in the opening credits by showing pictures of those Craig’s Bond has encountered/killed: Le Chiffre, Silva, Vesper. All the events from Skyfall remain recent in everyone’s memory. So applause to the parties responsible for this! One gripe I had with past Bond adventures, they could be watched in almost any order after Connery and even his were loosely connected.

Another element, Spectre brings up a real-world problem to say true to what its predecessors did: Quantum revolved around the privatization of water in South America and Casino was tied to the numerous wars in Africa. Spectre‘s issue? Surveillance of everything, everyone and everywhere coated in the bullshit litany about how it’s the only way to keep people safe. MI-6’s field operations, namely the double-O program, are being scrapped thanks to satellites, drones and wiretapping. As I’m writing this, Paris is recuperating from another string of shootings possibly linked to ISIS/ISIL. I don’t know about the UK, but I definitely know it’s a weak argument pushed in America by both major parties. Nevermind what a failure these policies have been while our civil liberties have been eroded to a Soviet-style police state with a private contractor’s logo replacing the ol’ hammer and sickle. Bond and M stand up for the old-style of intelligence. Sure it has had its share of failures, namely Kim Philby, Robert Hanssen and the CIA’s obsession with killing Fidel Castro. However, in their defense, at least the West had a more human stake in the outcome. Technology is only as effective as the people behind it, currently, not much, and our enemies aren’t stupid; they already know how to outwit satellites and skirt wiretaps.

Enough of the soapbox James Bond brought up.

Spectre remains true to other elements in Craig’s run. Car chases, exotic locales and his Bond not being a graceful killer. There was some humor too. You’ll recognize the scenes when you see them.

It all falls apart with SPECTRE and its leader Franz Oberhauser. Hollywood has fallen into this moronic trap of having the villains somehow related to the hero. I’m not spoiling anything, you can see it in the trailer when Oberhauser calls out Bond by his first name amongst other crap. When Darth Vader said he was Luke’s father, fine. It worked. Why? It came out of the blue and in The Empire Strikes Back, their duel was their first person-to-person encounter. For three years, Vader was just a “faceless” enemy Luke fought to avenge his father and Luke was a mere bump in the Force to Vader. In Spectre, Oberhauser has some connection to Bond’s past, you’ll just be disappointed to find out what it is.

Maybe when they replace Craig, they can reboot again, help us forget while keeping SPECTRE around to wreak more havoc. Next up, hire a better artist to sing the theme song. They’ve struck out every time after Chris Cornell’s excellent “You Know My Name.”

Meanwhile, for the casual and non-Bond fans. You’ll enjoy Spectre. It’s not an insult, it’s a genuine endorsement.

Alamo Extras: Tons of awful trailers: Carry on Spying, James Tont (Italian knockoff) and Operation Kid Brother (starring Connery’s brother); James Bond Jr. video game sequence; scene from the terrible Casino Royale TV adaptation circa 1954; Japanese Nintendo ad for Goldeneye the game; ad for Bond Bread, Corgi toys (my brother had that Astin-Martin car), 007 vapor paper and OddJob plugging cough syrup; Someone showing off a vintage 007 toy gun kit; an Ali G bit; James Bonds knockoffs from around the world, a horrible Thai version incorporating the droids from Star Wars and James Batman from the Philippines; Billy Dee Williams did something like this; Weird Al’s Spy Hard opening credits; and Max von Sydow explains what SPECTRE means.

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Belated 10th birthday to Cannon

Posted on November 14, 2015 by Steve

Good gravy, the youngest Bridge kid has hit double digits! I hope his Arabic is better than mine…oh, wait, it is since I only know the English words derived from this language: algebra, algorithm…umm, that’s it. Cannon is getting bigger. Eventually he can hold his own against the two bigger brothers in video games. Not sure what his thing is, maybe he’s the kid I can “nerd up” with comics, he sure did enjoy Guardians of the Galaxy.

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Happy birthday Ben(Derr)!

Posted on November 13, 2015 by Steve
benderris2

Probably watching Frozen…again.

Has it been two years? Ugh! Well, in order for this little guy to get older, I must do the same. He just gets cuter with the ladies.

Glad to see how Ben is progressing. At dinner the other night, he demonstrated his growing vocabulary. The impressive one was his knowledge of the movie Home. Maybe I should watch it.

Next weekend will be the celebration. Good thing I scored him his gift early, Beatbo! Or as Ben has named the dancing robot, ‘bo. Why early? Somara will make the soiree, wait, it takes place during the day, it’s a fete; me, I’ll be in Dallas. Fear not. Ben won’t be too concerned. Long as I keep perfecting my Olaf moves for him.

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Nelson visits Austin!

Posted on November 12, 2015 by Steve

nelsonandme

Nelson! College buddy number two finally sees me in my adopted home! Hoser was number one way back in 1997. Doc doesn’t count because he lived/more here before I did, so that negates his past visits.

What was the occasion? Some industry/business thing for Nelson’s employer. Banking types have descended upon downtown through the week to carouse, discuss, recruit, show off and enjoy a free Lyle Lovett concert. Can’t remember who is the guest speaker. In the past Nelson said they’ve had people I don’t think were the right choices since they’ve never been successful…primarily George Dubious Bush, he ran two companies and a struggling democracy into the toilet.

Hell, Nelson can visit me if were Ayn Rand’s birthday and I wouldn’t care. It was a fantastic, although brief, visit. He landed early Tuesday afternoon, I picked him up at the Howard Lane train stop; his hotel was across the street from the train’s downtown starting point. I gave him a quick tour of our (ware)house, showed him my Chucks collection, introduced the cats who were willing to stick around (Kuroneko, Miette) and then we went to dinner at some place very Austin…Chuy’s. It was TexMex or barbecue, those are Austin things. Obviously Somara was with us by then. The Derrs (Jeremy, Kristin, Kristin’s mom whose name escapes me and Ben) met us there. I wanted Nelson and Jeremy to meet. Nelson needed to know who’s been putting up with me for 15 years and I wanted to prove to Jeremy that Nelson wasn’t imaginary.

After dinner, the Derrs said goodnight, I dropped off Somara and us two Marquette alumni (rare here) went to his hotel’s bar to have drinks, catch up on other things. We normally catch up every month over the phone…yes, we still use ours to talk; but there’s something to being in person.

Nelson is here until Friday afternoon. Due to the convention’s nature, Tuesday evening was the only opportunity we both had. I’m grateful it happened. Next up. Getting one of the older children a chance to hang out with Aunt Somara and Uncle Steve in Austin. Better yet, a return trip for Nelson without the hastle of work!

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Happy 13th anniversary Kim and Rad!

Posted on November 9, 2015 by Steve

The wedding that preceded ours happened today. It’s one of the few weekends I wouldn’t mine being trapped in a brief Groundhog Day loop re-enjoying. Sure, Austin weather is great this time of year compared to the Midwest, where I think a sizable share of the wedding party originated from but it was a nice long weekend away from work. I was enjoying the new Foo Fighters (would be their fourth album) on my latest iPod (back when they had mechanical hard drives), eating some food we couldn’t get at home and having a mini-reunion with the Bryants.

Let’s focus on the happy couple! May the kids surprise them with a dinner or something. Maybe they can write to me for a little financial assistance!

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Sean Astin

Posted on November 8, 2015 by Steve

seanastin

Since Wiz-World Austin ’15 was rather disappointing, I remembered the cool encounter I had last year that I forgot to post…Samwise himself! Meanwhile, the people who run Wiz-World promised to work harder next year so it will be in late September because Austin had a better opening for the convention center. Hey, we’re closer to Latin America. Halloween is a great holiday but Day of the Dead is a big deal.

Anyway, last year I recall was about as slow. I paid full price for a one-day pass, spent too much on fun T-Shirts (broke that habit this year!) but I had to go to see this guy. Getting his autograph was a Christmas present for a pair (now a trio) of little ladies who love Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Sean is the current voice of Raphael. Me? Well, besides doing a great job as Samwise in the Rings trilogy; he and Elijah Wood were convince as the Hobbit duo and the only leading Americans in a sea of Brits, Scots and Aussies, while Aragorn is Scandanavian. My generation knows him more for being Rudy, the guy who got to play football for Notre Dame despite his size and poor grades (*chuckle* grades, yeah, right, they matter for college football). Plus he was the lovelorn schlub in Encino Man, the bellygunner in Memphis Belle, the leading man with Wil Wheaton in Toy Soldiers (a pseudo-remake of Taps) and of course, the elephant in my virtual room, Mikey in The Goonies.

It wasn’t my first time seeing him “in person.” Way back in 2008, Sean dropped by at the Travis County Democratic Convention to promote Bilary for the nomination. If you know my adopted home’s voting behaviors, he didn’t go over well. I forgive him, we’re on the same team, just cheering for different star players.

Back to Wiz World.

I was happy to meet him though. Sean’s about my age. He’s done a lot of things I like. He’s funny. He’s also the adopted-son of comic-actor John Astin (Gomez Addams, the Riddler) and his mother is sitcom star Patty Duke. Show business royalty that isn’t an asshole!

The funny story happened while I was waiting to get the autography for the ladies. The line wasn’t line and there was an interruption involving some people he was introduced to via the side of his table. He conversed with them a bit. Then he returned to us with a apology over it. I said, “It’s alright. You’re allowed to have friends.” He responded, “Now you tell me!” Nice to meet celebrities with a sense of humor and humanity unlike the horror stories from tabloids.

Nice to see he’s continuing to be the voice of Sam in the new Lego Dimensions game! Alongside the Doctor Who franchise, I’m definitely sold!

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The Last Witch Hunter: Time Killer

Posted on November 8, 2015 by Steve

lastwitchhunter

The name Vin Diesel is not synonymous with quality or thoughtful but he’s been involved with two well-loved franchises: Riddick (my favorite) and those Fast & Furious car fetish movies; word has it he’ll return to revive XXX. This mediocre knockoff of Blade, Highlander and Buffy could’ve gone in a different direction…yet it failed to dare or challenge.

Over 800 years ago, a group of warriors and Christian priests took down the witch queen in her lair. This wasn’t for the usual reasons: Christianity eliminating any faith it felt threatened by. Hunter‘s twist is that witches and humans are distinct races or divisions, like homo sapiens (us) v. Neanderthals. The Bubonic Plague wasn’t a naturally occurring disease, it was the witch queen’s doomsday weapon to purge humanity from earth. Obviously it failed, the hero Kaulder killed her with his flaming sword. With the queen’s dying breath, she cursed Kaulder with immortality so he’d never join his family in the afterlife.

Fast forward to now. Kaulder works for the Catholic Church enforcing the peace treaty between witches and humans. He goes after those who commit crimes, brings them before the witches’  council under St. Patrick’s in NYC and there they’re sentenced, usually banishment to another realm. Hanging around to chronicle his adventures is a Catholic priest called Dolan, named after the guy from the 14th century, just put a number after it like we do for Popes and monarchs (*cough!* ripoff from Highlander the series). Currently, Dolan XXXVI retiring and he wants to wish Kaulder well before the new Dolan XXXVII takes over. On the evening of his retirement, Dolan XXXVI dies and this makes Kaulder suspicious, putting the movie into its usual motions of cliches, tropes and predictability.

Hunter isn’t all terrible. I was stoked to see Michael Caine and Elijah Wood as the Dolans. I loved how the flaming sword worked, some kind of silverish napalm dripped from the hilt into the blade’s groove. Vin was definitely having a good time too. I liked how he re-assured a small child on a buffeting aircraft, I could use him on my flights every time! As for the witches and warlocks, they all resembled stereotypical Goths if they had Hollywood beauty. Par for the course with everyone to be fair. Trust me, my crowd (techies and nerds) rarely resembles The Big Bang Theory‘s two White guys.

Lastly, I do have to applaud Vin for being a producer on his films. Maybe there’s a money angle but it also means he has more flesh in the game. Should this fail (box-office wise, it has) or succeed, he shares in the blame or praise. Sadly we can count on Hunter to become a frequent time-filler on TNT, Spike, SyFy, WGN, El Rey and TBS.

Alamo Extras: Stop-motion of rats in a band; Trailers for The Witch’s Mirror, Witchcraft (starring Lon Chaney Jr.!), Simon – King of the Witches, Mark of the Witch, an Italian movie resembling Bewitched, Blood on Satan’s Claw, The Witchfinder General (Vincent Price!); a silent movie showing Satan worshippers; short of pranksters in a morgue (lame); commercial for the old headshrinker toy (these were fading away when I was a kid); commercial for a double feature in NJ plugging Night of the Witches and Dr. Frankenstein on Campus promising nurses to assist the faint of heart; the intro to a Japanese version of Bewitched; and a fat guy v. ghosts. Sadly, no trailer for Warlock or Season of the Witch…no wait, that movie came out four years ago and had similar plot points. OK, maybe they could’ve found an old Donovan performance.

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