Office Kingdom

A very clever cartoon revealing why bureaucracy appears so slow…you don’t get to see what’s happening behind the scenes or in my line of work, what occurs when the customer is listening to the hold music. Now that you’ve been clued in on the secret, try to be a little less nasty to the non-elected government employees.

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Korra the Avatar

korra415A very skilled artist who rendered each arm bending a separate element with its name (probably) in Chinese. You know I got a small for the real Kora I know through association.

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Patton Oswalt

pattonoswaltI knew this show was going to render my badge useless so I bought separate tickets to attend plus it was an early birthday present for my friend Jeremy.

Patton blew the roof off! There were a couple openers, excellent. Then when he arrived, he had a whole bit put together just about Austin and our world famous bat population. The bigger surprise was the crowd work. I’ve always heard it’s the kiss of death with other comedians. Patton pulled through like a champ when the first person he was quizzing clammed up over some injuries he asked about.

Should you get the chance to see him live. Do it! Otherwise, check out all his specials and/or albums.

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Han drank first!

hanburgandy

Han Burgandy that’s who! An awesome mashup of everyone’s favorite Seventies intergalactic smuggler scoundrel who moonlights as San Diego’s most trusted anchorman! Along with his navigator Baxter!

I love that the artist managed to get this to imitate the beloved Drew Struzan look.

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1915: Gallipoli begins

Today begins the centennial of a disastrous campaign for the Allied forces which was another demonstration of British arrogance via the over-rated Winston Churchill. Despite hundreds of thousands of deaths, a couple good things came from this. The campaign is considered vital to the formation of Australian and New Zealand identity. Meanwhile, the Turkish commander Kemal used his success to become the future president of what is now modern-day Turkey.

So why the accusation of arrogance? The Allied defeat was fueled by their racism followed by poor intelligence. World War I did lead to the Ottoman Empire’s demise but it didn’t mean its army was going to fold faster than a cheap card table. The Allies were trying to take Istanbul eventually and nothing motivates a nation like that level of threat. Sure Washington, DC isn’t receiving much love these days yet I bet America could galvanize quickly to protect our agreed-upon national treasures.

I first learned about the campaign as a kid in the early Eighties through a movie with the same title. It was also known for this lesser known Aussie actor named Mel Gibson. I think HBO carried the film due to Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior being popular. It has some ANZAC biases, more Brits actually died (by a factor of four, translation…Irish, colonial and lower-class conscripts), followed by the French. Still I have doubt the officer corps were primarily the upper-class Brits.

Currently the conflict continues to be a cautionary lesson the West keeps forgetting as it is receiving the comparison treatment to Iraq, another dumb invasion Australia was pulled into by a previous Liberal government; note, in Australia, the Liberal party is the Center-Right Wing and Labour is the Center-Left.

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Dr. Katz 20th Anniversary Show!

drkatzchairAustin’s fourth annual Moontower Comedy Festival began last Wednesday but I didn’t jump in until Thursday evening to see this little reunion show. Dr. Katz was another vehicle for stand-up comedians to do their routines on Comedy Central albeit as therapy sessions; this had been done at least one earlier time through Comics Only with Paul Provenza. What made Katz different was the use of animation and it followed a narrative through the interstitials of Dr. Katz talking to his deadbeat son Ben (an unknown H. Jon Benjamin) and surly receptionist Laura (Laura Silverman, Sarah’s older sister). The Squigglevision did make it difficult to watch. I think Jon Katz’s deadpan is what made this  program work since it made the comedians’ routines not come off as forced. As the years went by, Katz‘s guests extended beyond comedians. There were actors (Winona Ryder, Bob Balaban, Lisa Kudrow and Jeff Goldblum), a writer/author (David Mamet) and of course some legends: Joan Rivers, Rodney Dangerfield, Robert Klein, Al Franken and the Smothers Brothers.

So 2015 is the anniversary of the show’s launch and Jon has been touring, doing this live. I only had a Fan-level badge yet I persisted and made it in.

Jon opened with some of his old jokes from his days as a stand-up. They were great because he’s able to make the punchline unexpected through his deadpan delivery. He used to sing in a Klezmer band that did covers which led to him demonstrating three numbers.

A recording of Laura chimed in to let us all know the first patient was ready to see him…Dana Gould! He was followed by Maria Bamford, Andy Kindler, Dom Irrera and Emo Philips. All but Maria have been former “patients.” They all had some great zingers to make me laugh about their “problems.”

Now I want to hunt down DVDs…yes, there is a complete 13 DVD set which also includes three sessions never aired, a live stage take with Ben and Laura present. Even if you don’t find Dr. Katz funny, the show laid down the groundwork for its descendants I love more: Home Movies (Katz played Melissa’s dad), O’Grady and Bob’s Burgers.

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The HMS Van Halen

hmsvanhalenWubba wubba dub dub…we’re sailing in this tub!

My 16th anniversary gift to myself, a little pirate vessel, probably a pinnace or cutter used for short-range attacks, a 17th century version of what those Somalian pirates attack with but more sea worthy.

I received the free sticker from Waterloo and decided it would look better on the sails. Then I peppered the deck with some of my favorite figures. As I put this together I finally realized how my mad scientist resembled Rick Sanchez. I need to tweak it further to nail the likeness down.

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Finally played Settlers of Catan

settlers

Once a month, Rogues Gallery does “Gaming with Rogues” which a more focused, regular boardgame meeting, namely to introduce people to new stuff. I finally made a huge effort to check out Settlers of Catan which has been a mainstream success for the last decade. Hell, you can even buy it at Target.

On the surface it appears to be a simplified version of Civilization (not the Sid Meier jazz, he really ripped off an old Avalon Hill game). It definitely incorporates those elements but the comparison I made is likely to be lost on most people.

I’ll give a quick description. There’s a land called Catan. The players each get two settlements and two roads on the board. The dice (2d6) are rolled to determine which resource cards each player may draw if their settlement straddles a hex with the number the dice yielded. Players collect the resources to build more settlements, castles, roads or whatever. Sometimes they can trade with each other or exchange four cards of the same thing for one of something else. First player to 10 points wins; settlement = 1, castle = 2, longest road = 2 and biggest army = 2.

There’s a ton of licensed versions (Star Trek) and expansions, namely a way to have up to six players. I think I’ll shoot for the basic set, entice Somara and others to player, see where it goes from there. Somara thankfully is an easier sell than my ex-girlfriend Carrie which why Empire Builder was such a surprise hit with the latter.

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The kitten passed away on the porch

I should’ve called in late to work and/or taken the poor thing to my veterinarian but I foolishly assumed Harlequin was the concerned mother. Meanwhile, I stopped by Petsmart to get a nursing kit along with two cans of formula to help. When I got home, the kitten’s lifeless body was all I found. I’ll be taking it to the vet for cremation soon.

Somara and I are rather sad over it due to this being the second time such an awful incident has occurred.

There is an upside, I now have the means to rescue another kitten should another one is born on the back porch in the near future.

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Kitten born on our back porch

Poor little thing was lucky we left the bathroom window open because I could hear the weak noise a newborn kitten makes. It’s not quite a mew yet, it’s more desperate sounding. No idea about the kitten’s gender neither. It appears to be a black cat and Harley is the mother. How do I know (probably guessing until I have stronger proof)? She eventually popped up to sniff me, the kitten and then proceeded to groom it. I had no idea Harley had been pregnant. Her reaction was a bit off too which puts in the guess element. Most mother cats make a coo noise, she made her standard growl/gurgle of mistrust.

I’ll check up on them when I get home. Hopefully I’ll have pictures. Then they’re off to AHS in a month. Fingers crossed the kitten survives. We don’t want a repeat of last Fall.

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Sorry if I go dark on the site soon, it won’t be forever

I had a rather crappy weekend despite the nicer things going on in my life. Work has been the main source of consternation and I’ll save the details for the doctor.

Will I be leaving Apple? I don’t know but I think after 16 years, I feel like I’ve stayed 13 too many given the ungrateful, soul-crushing nature of my work, the economy recovering in Austin and numerous friends not just making more money elsewhere, they’re having more interesting opportunities. Could that sentence run on any further?

Meanwhile, I’ve grown tired of the rhetoric and hypocrisy, especially when certainly lazy and/or unqualified people advance and I’m stuck “training” them. I know it’s the way of the world but it doesn’t mean I have to endure it. The bigger annoyance is the petty excuses. Bowling For Soup sang it best with “High School Never Ends.”

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Small World 2015 edition!

Do any of you get one of the alumni magazines or something equivalent every so often? Marquette has theirs every quarter. I thought it was a mistake because I didn’t recall paying for it Helen told me we all receive it gratis (showing off our fancy edu-ma-cations).

After I’m done skimming the propaganda parts, I ghoulishly check the obit section and other announcements. At my age, I don’t wish anyone bad tidings, I’m always glad to know the people I attended with (Classes of 1988-92), with the exception of dropout Scott Walker, are doing well. It is sad to see others pass away but I try to remember the good elements about them, including elitist prick and part-time Atomic Records clerk Dave Breen.

This latest issue had the wonderful news about Mark Karau receiving tenure as a history professor at UW-Sheboygan! With all the horror stories about Academia’s struggles, it was awesome to know he was rockin’.

Mark and I weren’t very close. More along the lines of sharing mutual friends like Neal, Deb, Phil and Sue, the latter went on to marry game designer legend Monte Cook. Outside of gaming, I’d see Mark at West Hall where he resided. I can’t remember if he lucked out in getting to live in one of the kick-ass quads. It was always good to see him especially with the gauntlet of other d-bags in West, including a couple of the RAs. I think I also attended his wedding. Late 1992 was a blur of sadness. I hope I didn’t cast any of that horribleness on him and his wife.

OK, I do remember clearly how he’d run a GenCon event of Axis & Allies with the alliances shifting every round. Why not? How reality/history played out, it’s a disappointing game. I think Milton Bradley gave the Soviet player an aircraft carrier just to taunt them. Never played D&D with him. RoleMaster when Neal was the GM once or twice. Mark and another friend coined the term “Phil Fighter,” “Phil (insert D&D class here),” etc. to josh about how my old floor mate was a Rules Lawyer/Monty Hauler. Today, what Phil would do to tweak his PC is now called a Gestalt Class.

Best of all, I managed to write Mark a congratulatory e-mail Sunday. His address is public knowledge due to the university’s directory being posted on the Web. Mark answered in a couple hours! He focuses on European History with a specialization in WWI Germany; I bet he’s pretty swamped with the Centennial of the Great War happening. He also has a book! (Just added to my Wish List.) Mark will have another out in late May. Can’t wait. Now I need to be a faster reader.

I need to see if he still finds time to play D&D and other great games…

Days of Decision! Now I remember playing it with him. I can’t remember which power I was but I know it covered the ugly period between the World Wars.

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Austin Stars finish out strong!

Last evening was the final regular season game for my defending champs. For the first time in three years they didn’t win their division but there remains an upside, they’re heading to the playoffs for the third year in a row making them five for six which is pretty impressive for newer team. I was reviewing their point totals too, it’s also their fifth season when they’ve finished out with 92 or more points. I think having 14 overtime losses (one was a shootout) helped this year.

They’re off to the first round but sadly I won’t make the initial game, I have tickets to see Patton Oswalt at the Parmount. The second is in the air too. What are their chances at advancing to the second round? Personally I think it depends upon the defensive situation and who’s in goal. I prefer Rynnas because he doesn’t have the Roman (or Roamin’) Cechmanek problem if being out of the crease too often. Plus we’ve had numerous turnovers when the defensemen fail to pinch. Yesterday was an easy example when they let the Rampage score a short-handed goal.

The Rockford Icehogs aren’t going to be a pushover so our guys better bring their A game. If we lose the best of five, I’ll be bummed but I know my budget will be relieved and I can focus on Summer for an extra two months.

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Bambi in Die Hard

yippeeki-yay

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Happy Record Store Day 2015!

rsd15Nerd or Geek High Holiday number two! Also the oldest of what many cynics would call a Retail Holiday unlike oh…Christmas Season. Well, I want to praise and not attack as I celebrate one of my favorite memories growing up during those soon-to-be, über awkward teen years. Man I can’t believe I’ve never waxed nostalgic about how much I loved going to the dedicated record stores like Waterloo. I’m not jabbering about the soulless chains that died off nor the mythical places Hollywood promotes, aka Empire Records is utter crap. In defense of chains, there was a time when Tower Records was considered cool in some circles.

My first really dedicated store experience was AppleTree Records next to the AppleTree Stereo Store in Springfield, IL. It was 1982 and I had discovered the joys of FM radio before Lee Abrams ruined it. I had picked up records before, just 45s (what the Hipsters call 7″ records) in the late Seventies but my interest in music waned with The Empire Strikes Back tapping my primary interests. Now I was graduating to albums…whoa; thanks to my grade school frenemy Jimmy Valentine taping a copy of the Police’s Ghost in the Machine for me. Brian needed a birthday present so Mom took me to AppleTree which was way more outside Springfield’s mainstream, aka Sears, Ward’s or K’s Merchandise Mart. There were posters of bands I had only remotely heard of through Don Kirshner’s syndicated show, Solid Gold or HBO interstitials. A surly young woman often worked there, Mom complained about this employee only playing “Punk” records (Adam and the Ants). I scored Shake It Up by The Cars for my brother but regardless I knew I had to be back. Queen’s Greatest Hits!

I managed to make it back a few more times until we moved to Houston. The city’s enormity prevented me from ever finding anything equivalent, ditto with Indianoplace; the malls and Target had to do. Still can’t believe the treasures I found at the latter. North Dakota obviously had its own obstacles yet I did find a dedicated place in Bismarck during a day trip with friends. When I had the opportunities in Winnipeg, I definitely took advantage of the exchange rate to find good stuff that was alien to my classmates and restocked via Christmas money at the Bloomington-Normal AppleTree in 1985.

Discovering Milwaukee’s numerous indie stores was thrilling and odd because it’s such a culturally conservative place. A paradise for Jazz fans, not much for fans of anything past 1981 in my opinion. There were awesome locations: Radio Doctors and Mainstream (the local chain/distributors), Eastside Disc, The Exclusive Company and (when they didn’t have pricks working at the counter, a rarity, namely upperclassman Dave Breen) Atomic Records. Ask my friend Helen about the last one on the list. It’s a textbook example of how not to treat even a casual customer.

Budget issues kept me away from AppleTree when I moved back to Bloomington-Normal, I was only by during sales otherwise it was the Co-Op, Best Buy and this interesting place in Peoria I wasted my lunch hours on.

Reconnecting with a record store was on the top of my list when I moved to Austin. Initially I was taken in by the opulent Tower Records at 24th and Guadelupe. Then I struck up a better relationship with the used store Technophilia while scouring ABCDs, Cheap-o, Encore and another place way down the Drag I can’t remember. Waterloo was “too far” away for me, I didn’t have a car for two years. It worked out in the long run. Waterloo was poised better than the rest. The majority of stores in Austin were pretty wrapped up in used stuff and as college kids in the Aughts stopped buying thanks to their “everything on the Internet should be free” mindset, they collapsed. Nobody shed any tears when the Tower on 24th liquidated.

Today, RSD isn’t exactly a magic day since there’s always a line around the corner with many holding lists of things they want. It’s really a financial boost to the remaining stores because fewer younger people consider recorded music to have much value. I’m good with it if keeps the lights on. I only wish I could bottle the joy and excitement I used to have in 1982 when going to AppleTree, then finding a way to share it with my nieces and nephews. They can try it once, make up their own minds so they can see what the old fart uncle is babbling on about, then move on. I won’t ram it down their throats since I hope they discover their own bliss or magic.

Oh yeah, before I was navel gazing and inflating “the good ol’ days,” I did get up early this year to bring coffee and kolaches for my friend Chip. He’s a major player in helping RSD happen at Waterloo. It was the least I could do for him because he helped me attain the cherished Dave Grohl ambassador pin to join my Jack White. What did I buy? I was looking for the Stephen Hawking thing but I guess it wasn’t for the States. I did score Felt Mountain by Goldfrapp which was never produced on vinyl being a 2000 release.

If you loved music, even briefly, go visit your local record store if you can over the next month. Maybe you’ll have a reconnection.

Onward to holiday number three in two weeks…Free Comic Book Day!

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