Twelve words Texans mispronounce, more like 13

Based upon my friend Jeremy’s East Texas-Houston accent, WF Strong forgot the word lawyer. When Jeremy says it, it sounds more like LOY-yur. Here’s a link the author’s main twelve. I am only guilty of number one because I think that’s the restaurant’s intention. Even Yankees clip words when they’re a mishmash of several.

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Douche-Beemer

douchebmwTexas is filled with selfish assholes like this BMW owner showing his love for Ayn Rand and how oppressed they are. I want to make a recommendation to the owner of said vehicle; please don’t tread on those publicly-paid-for roads you’re so against.

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No sign of those creepy twins

redrum

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Happy 47th Birthday Molly Ringwald

Glad I remembered this year because it’s the 30th anniversary of The Breakfast Club in theaters. I never saw it in the theater during its debut but I do remember hearing Simple Minds’ hit being played to death all Spring and Summer. Had I known then that Molly was my age, a rarity in TV/Film, I would’ve pressed harder to go even if we were in the middle of moving to North Dakota. It was great to see an actual 16-year-old playing a 16-year-old since Hollywood often casts someone in their mid-twenties.

Several years ago Molly put out a record of Jazz standards along with a modified version of “Don’t You Forget (About Me).” Obviously I have it, I only regret not seeing her perform when she came through Austin.

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Joan of Arc a la Bill & Ted

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A co-worker went to a recent work event as Jane Wiedlin, I mean Joan of Arc and was nice to let me have a photo because I loaned her my Nerf sword. Works for me!

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The Imitation Game: Worth Seeing

imitationgameAlan Turing has been having a belated comeback in the same style as Tesla, except, I think Turing’s accomplishments are more verifiable now that much of Enigma and Ultra have been declassified. Modern computers can blow away whatever the participants of WWII had. This is another instance like Argo in which I need to find a book to see what Hollywood modified to make the narrative more interesting.

Imitation begins with police detective Nock investigating a burglary in the early Fifties. The victim oddly doesn’t want to press charges and claims he doesn’t know who did it. This befuddles Nock until he discovers who the aggrieved is…Dr. Alan Turing, a resident math (or maths in the UK) professor at the city’s university. The detective is very  tenacious since none of the electronics were stolen. When there’s also a gap in Turing’s background during the war and the Ministry of Defense tells Nock to go away. After a younger man is arrested for male prostitution can the police bring in Turing for questioning; the prostitute said he was solicited by Turing recently.

During the questioning, Turing tells Nock he worked in a radio factory through the war. Nock isn’t convinced so Turing explains his famous sentience game for determining whether or not machines (eventually computers) are masquerading as people. Then Turing tells the truth about the Ultra Project and how he participated in cracking the Nazis’ Enigma machine.

The movie proceeds to hop around in time afterwards. The “present” day Fifties, the opening years of WWII and Turing’s school years in the Twenties. I’ll focus on the War period. A small group composed of mathematicians and linguists are hired by the War Department to decode how the Enigma machine works. It’s a frustrating device with millions of combinations that the enemy resets every day at midnight London time. Ergo, every morning the team has to start over. Being a mathematician, Turing deduces (correctly) how to defeat Enigma. Build a WWII version of a computer which can work through the combinations faster than a human. There are several obstacles to Turing’s solution: cost (£100,000, about $4 million today), he isn’t in charge and no one else on the team likes him (Cumberbatch portrays him with Asperger syndrome). After writing a letter to Churchill, Turing gets his wish to be in charge. First order of business, he fires two people he deems incompetent. Next, building Enigma’s foe (Christopher). Finally, finding new people with the aptitude to solving the problem; Turing uses a crossword puzzle in a newspaper to recruit them.

We all know how history played out. Enigma is eventually defeated. The UK uses Ultra to intermittently tip the Allies about Axis positions; too much and the Nazis will change how Enigma operated. The war ends favorably or else I probably wouldn’t be writing this. About a decade later, Turing is arrested for homosexuality, accepts hormone therapy over prison and eventually commits suicide.

In the acting department, the cast does a great job. No hamming it up, no overacting, I found it to be on par with the better BBC dramas. A round of applause to Keira Knightley as the only woman on the team, Joan Clarke. She’s a strong, competent woman who was incredible at math and allegedly someone Turing respected. I stumbled upon some crummy Web article listed her in the company of actresses who can’t act (Courtney Love, Lindsay Lohan). I think the author put her on said list because Keira doesn’t get Hollywood-esque enhancements a la Megan Fox (blech!). Personally, I can’t think of a movie I’ve seen her in I disliked due to her acting. The other person is in a supporting role, Mark Strong as the MI6 minder. It was good to see him playing a non-exaggerated villain (Sherlock Holmes, Kick Ass).

The history buff in me does take issue with how vital the UK’s efforts were. Intelligence advantages aside, the Axis was doomed once the US entered the fray. My nation’s resources were a huge injection to turn the tide. Maybe the war would’ve dragged out a couple more years but I doubt it. Hitler became a liability to the Axis command so he indirectly contributed to our victory. Next, the UK wasn’t going to starve to death. Churchill might have when they ran out of booze and cigars but not the citizenry. While German submarines began to tighten the noose around Great Britain, scientists researched how many calories a day all the residents would need to function alongside what the nation’s agricultural output was. The outcome? UK agriculture could do it. The diet would be bland yet no one would be malnourished just like their cuisine has always been! Rimshot!

Alamo Extras: American WWII Propaganda cartoons to get people to buy war bonds; an Alamo quiz to find the hidden message; a How-To movie for intelligence offices on altering messages via word choices, changing the word order and removing punctuation before encryption, I’m guessing slang would confuse the enemy further; British comedy bits on how WWII spy craft worked; and a stop-motion cartoon ridiculing Hitler.

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Lloyd Cole

lloydcoleLast week, we celebrated part two of my belated concert gifts with my friend Mark…Lloyd Cole. Here we go as always, who? Well, I was in the same camp around 2003. The short answer, Lloyd is a singer/songwriter from the Eighties or so in the same vein as John Wesley Harding and Billy Bragg…English, not very elaborate and esoteric lyrics. I had often known about him in the background because Matthew Sweet joined his band the Commotions as the bass player between his albums Earth and Girlfriend.

Recently Lloyd put out a new album via crowd-sourcing called Standards and we caught him on tour. It’s his first in several years but many old-time fans say it’s more of a return to form.

The Cactus Cafe was the perfect venue to see him. Just him and a couple acoustic guitars. Lloyd covered his hits over the decades with Standards material mixed in. He would tell funny stories while tuning his guitars. If you’re curious about Lloyd’s material, start with this greatest hits compilation. It contains his most famous song “Rattlesnakes.”

After the show, I got in line to get an autograph and face time. Lloyd is a really funny and friendly guy. I told him I was really happy to meet him being only a fan since 2003 plus I became one through Matthew Sweet. He said he always loved working with Matthew (Sweet played bass and contributed backing vocals on Standards), while they were recording the new albums, Lloyd said Matthew loved all the songs, praised them for being brilliant.

Next up, really digging deeper to find Lloyd Cole’s back catalog. How did I miss out on his much earlier work?

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My special Valentine to Somara

legoavatars

The closest we could do for Lego representation. Good thing toys make me look fitter than I am! Somara chose her chef/school outfit.

I scored the limited-time kit at the Lego Store but I didn’t like the minifigs it came with so I got Somara to design her avatar; Cat Lady’s hair, Mars Attacks’ reporter’s head, black pants and the chef torso. I’m generic gray-bearded head, Emmett hair, blue legs (for jeans) and the random minifig video game guy from the Series 12 blind bags. I used the N’ail Poolish Remvar with a Coop-Tip to erase the “Player One” on his chest. If I had more talent and time, I’m paint something better in place such as “Ironic 80s Band” or “70s Movie.”

Here we are enjoying some cupcakes Somara made.

Here we are enjoying some cupcakes Somara made.

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RIP Gary Owens

He will always be the voice of Space Ghost but when I was old enough to get up for Saturday-morning cartoons (never on school days!), he was also the voice of Blue Falcon, the Batman-knockoff for Scooby-Doo. My parents recognized him more for Laugh-In. I do recall him doing some Sesame Street bits. Lastly, he did have a minor comeback in Ren & Stimpy as Powdered Toast Man.

What I didn’t know until I read his obituary, Gary was a writer for the various Jay Ward cartoons: Rocky & Bullwinkle mostly. Too bad he didn’t do any memorable voices, most characters were the grande dame June Foray and veteran Paul Frees.

Gary will be missed. He had a very distinctive voice alongside all the other legends who have passed on: Mel Blanc, Paul Frees, Christine Cavanaugh and Daws Butler.

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Star Trek team-up comics!

If there’s one medium people can have in which two well-loved franchises can team up, it has always been comics! Despite them being on a roll at the movies, TV and video games, comics seem to be lucrative enough while not too costly at making some nerds’ dreams come true. For me, Star Trek has been on the ropes after Enterprise left the air. Sure there was fatigue from one show or another being on the air for 17 years but maybe we would’ve changed our minds if we knew about the crappy movies and no new weekly program for the indefinite future.

Thankfully IDW has the license and they do a pretty decent job. They let John Byrne do original stuff with the Sixties era. They also did an illustrated version of Harlan Ellison’s pre-modified “City on the Edge of Forever.” I never thought I’d ever find myself saying I liked his story better yet I have to defer to Roddenberry’s changes since the events leading up to trip back in time were out of character for the vision of what the 23rd century would be like.

What I do want to cover are the crossovers IDW managed to publish. Two have been over for a while and another is ongoing. I’ll go in reverse (chronological) order.

stvpotaThis team-up probably only appeals to people around my age and older. Regardless, it’s awesome! When I was growing up in the Midwest in the Seventies, Star Trek was already syndicated and the Apes films were frequently on TV alongside the short-lived action show and Saturday-morning cartoon. Mego also manufactured toys of both.

So how do these very disparate universes collide? The Enterprise is sent on an intelligence-gathering mission to ensure the Klingons aren’t violating the Organian Peace Treaty. Thanks to Uhuru and Sulu’s infiltration skills, they discover a weird portal defended by two Klingon cruisers. Starfleet gives Kirk the go ahead and the Enterprise proceeds in, arriving at a parallel Earth over 1500 years in their future. What takes them by surprise is the dominant residents…Apes.

It’s not a terribly original story since the overall premise matches the episode “A Private Little War,” one of the show’s obvious warnings over Vietnam. I did like how they brought back Hodgkin’s Law on Parallel Development as a possible explanation. Despite the “recycling,” I’m enjoying Kirk’s interactions with Taylor. Two characters first portrayed by hammy actors.

The bonus element in the series is afterwards written by Apes fanatic, comedian/writer Dana Gould!

stdw

This team up is probably the longest in the making and most overdue. A mashup of America’s most beloved Sci-Fi TV franchise with the UK’s most beloved Sci-Fantasy TV franchise. Doctor Who finally gaining near-mainstream success in America is probably what made it finally happen.

The Enterprise (D) and the Eleventh Doctor with Amy and Rory in tow, accidentally meet when the TARDIS lands in the holodeck during Data’s Sherlock Holmes’ adventuring. Seems the Doctor has been pulled into an alternate universe because his adversaries the Cybermen crossed over to ally with the Borg. Those cybernetic races are the equivalent of two scorpions trapped in a jar so the heroes don’t need to work too hard, betrayal is encoded in both of their programming.

In the middle of the story, Data discovers that the Doctor and possibly the Cybermen have visited before. Enter a one-issue flashback of Kirk and Spock teaming up with the Fourth Doctor to rescue a remote colony being assimilated by a Cybermen scouting team.

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The oldest and last crossover is probably the most obscure for most audiences. For me it was the oddest but it ended up being the most creative, especially when both mythologies have numerous parallels. The Legion’s core five heroes are returning home to the 30th century after visiting Earth’s past and the Enterprise is making a routine patrol. With the latter, another transporter accident has Kirk and the gang materializing in a mirror universe.  Initially Kirk thinks it’s the same one from “Mirror, Mirror”until he realizes this empire’s logo being different inhabited by alien races he’s never seen before: Khunds, Dominators, Coluuans and other DC residents. Like all comic traditions, the Legion and Federation teams fight against each other and then team up to get back to their respective universes and just maybe, defeat the emperor, his Fearsome Five bodyguards and set free the source of the emperor’s power.

I can only recommend the Legion crossover to diehard fans of the DC universe. Sure they’ve made appearances in Smallville and the Nineties Superman cartoon but the comic book has often been a third-tier title. Legion has also been a frequent victim of DC’s numerous reboots including the upcoming Convergence.

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A rare time Rolling Stone and I agree

Well, the list does entail the Seventies which was the last decade the ol’ Hippie rag knew anything about when it came to music. Given some turkeys, they should’ve trimmed it down to 30 or 40 because I’m not a fan of kitsch or the “it’s so bad it’s good” camp. Crappy has one meaning and it doesn’t have an ironic turn like bad, terrible or awful.

Oh wait, there’s one missing from the list that should push out Laserblast, David Bowie’s The Man Who Fell To Earth.

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Happy 206th birthday to Abraham Lincoln

Another dictator the Republicans, Libertarians and D+ students like to call out. However,  there is a kernel of truth to their accusations. Lincoln did suspend habeas corpus, he did some rather dick moves (exiling a congressman to the Confederacy for “wrongdoing”) and took over at times when a Republican-dominated Congress was doing nothing but running around in circles (sounds familiar). The difference between him and a real dictator? Lincoln appeared to be pretty ready to hand it all back over with the conclusion of the war and I think he was going to call it quits as his second term was nearing completion. An actual dictator wouldn’t have planned to forgive the traitorous South for the war it initiated neither.

The delicious irony remains too. The first Republican president is someone the current GOP can’t run away from fast enough.

I wish I some cool Lincoln ware to remind the sore-loser Secessionist asshats around here who won the war.

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My first 5000 points, on to the next!

myfirst5000

Pinballz installed this Wizard of Oz-themed game that “pays” you back in cards and plastic chips instead of tickets. The addictive element is collecting seven of the movie’s primary characters (not sure why the Wizard is missing). Normally one card is only worth 50 points but if you have a full set, you receive 5000 for all of them.

It’s not a bad game and it’s not unique, they have other themes alongside Dave & Buster’s carrying them. To me, it’s a nice mental cool down as I re-apply patience with basic Physics. Physics? Sure. You want to time each coin’s roll so they land flatly to take up more space, then they’ll push the stuff on the ledge off. The lower the ledge is the one you can’t control as easily, you have to wait for enough mass to get the good stuff to fall. I discovered putting in $20 is the best route (400 coins to roll) plus you’ll get 5-50 back after you’ve dropped 20 or 30.

What will I do with my 5000 points? Pinballz is nice about letting you bank them for a rainy day. Currently I have a voucher saying I banked 6400-plus points. I’m holding out for some Legos, not off-brand bricks (blech!). There is a nice Playmobil set for 2500 I’m good with, then I’ll have a birthday present ready to hand out.

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The Darth Bane trilogy by Drew Karpyshyn

darthbanetrilogyWhat began as an impulse buy on May the Fourth (be with you), transformed into the inspiration for the 727th Jump Brigade Lego set and probably re-awakened my love of Star Wars more than the Force Awakens trailer. It’s always a shame that Lucas would never hand over the storytelling reins to people like Drew who are obviously better at making a coherent plot. I give this author a huge round of applause by making the stupid, arbitrary Rule of Two functional, feasible and really a good idea. In short, the Rule is why the Sith operate in the shadows instead of fighting the Jedi and Republic in the open. Bane’s strategy also gives credibility to the Separatist deceptions Sidious carried out. They actually began 1000 years ago, by The Phantom Crap, open demonstrations of force against the Republic by disaffected citizens or organizations were beginning to be a huge, ongoing crisis.

In the first book, you’ll see how Bane’s life (nee Des and I’ll call him that for a bit) is parallel to Luke Skywalker’s. He grew up on the Fringe and begins his Sith training at a late age (early twenties). There are other details in between of course. Sometime before Des joined the Sith a new order formed as the Brotherhood of Darkness. What made this organization (or empire) different was the abolishment of the Darth title, thus all Sith Lords were equal. The change in attitude appeared to work because the Brotherhood of Darkness initially kicks the Republic’s ass instead of each other’s. By the time Des signs up, the war is transforming into a stalemate thanks to the Republic putting Jedi Master Hoth in command.

During his training, Des discovers the original teachings of Darth Revan and others from centuries ago. Through their holocrons he learns how the Brotherhood has weakened the Sith by trying to achieve parity with the Jedi. This isn’t the Sith way. Power is to be craved, hoarded and taken only by the strong. After taking his new name of Darth Bane, he sets out to destroy the Brotherhood.

I’m not spoiling anything when I state the ending of Book One since the movies implied how rare the Sith were.

By faking a reconciliation with the Brotherhood’s leadership, Bane tricks the other Sith into killing themselves through a ritual he claimed would destroy all the Jedi. It works but Bane didn’t completely lie, General Hoth and many Jedi volunteers die in the attempt to stop the ritual’s fallout from snuffing out all Force-sensitive life forms on the battlefield.

Since everyone thinks the Sith are extinct in Book Two, Bane begins executing phase two, rebuilding the Sith through his Rule of Two. An abandoned Jedi padawan named Zannah becomes Bane’s apprentice and proves she’s an apt pupil; ruthless, merciless and very full of anger.

Ten years pass. Zannah is an adult and has become Bane’s go-between for “setting fires” around the Republic to keep the Jedi too busy to discover that two Sith remain. Bane’s body also got covered with symbiotic creatures which protect him from blasters and lightsabers but cause him pain in return. When it comes to the Dark Side, pain and rage are guaranteed to get stronger results from the Force too. Besides, Bane knows this would make him memorable and anonymity is the key to his plans.

Inevitably Bane and Zannah are hunted down by a few Jedi war vets who never stopped believing the rumors. There’s a major confrontation at the end of Book Two leaving Bane mortally wounded as his symbiotes are killed by a Jedi master’s dying actions. Zannah flees with the dying Bane, gets him the needed medical attention and throws off any Jedi investigating the fates of their missing comrades. Rescuing Bane seemed uncharacteristic of Zannah yet she did for she knows Bane has more to teach her.

Book Three jumps ahead another ten years. Bane realizes the Dark Side is starting to take its toll on his body and Zannah has made no progress in proving her worthiness to take the mantle of Master away from him. Bane has two choices. Find a new apprentice soon or pursue a way to extend his life until a suitable heir does kill him. In the finale, many of the loose ends both of them left alive in the previous books converge by coincidence and may succeed in destroying the Sith. Obviously, they don’t or there’d be no Darth Vader 1000 years later.

Overall, it was a fine piece of retrofitting. I’m not sure if Disney has chosen to obliterate all the Old Republic material as they’ve done with anything set around and after the films. I’m glad Bane got a decent treatment given what a letdown the Clone Wars panned out to be. My only gripe though is how Bane is drawn. He often looks like Vin Diesel with bad clown makeup. Is it to get the Jedi to underestimate him in combat or to break their connection to the Force via giggling?

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My doppelgänger is allegedly in Australia

This article reminded me about a couple Aussies I encountered at Harrah’s while watching the Big Elvis show. They approached me because they said they had a friend back home who resembled me (probably the other way around to them). If I was that close of a match, my Midwestern accent must’ve convinced ’em their friend wasn’t stalking them. We exchanged e-mails and I received a photo a couple months later. It’s buried somewhere yet I couldn’t see the resemblance since it was a side view of the guy.

Meanwhile, the photos courtesy of Mental Floss are pretty impressive. Not to belittle the statistical incredibility of these pictures yet we have over seven billion living people on earth today and there is a limit on genetic combinations, “duplicate” humans were an inevitability. I’m confident, “under the hood” these people are very different via their DNA strands. According to Inquiring Minds, our genetics change with age, experience, so on. I know, duh! I just hadn’t thought about it too hard.

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