The Hobbit part three Worth Seeing*

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* – Once again my caveat on  the “Worth Seeing” rating sticks around to warn those who aren’t familiar or enthused about Tolkien’s better works being brought to life for three hours at a stretch. This time though, even I was exhausted.

Battle begins with Smaug flying out of the Lonely Mountain to burn down the nearby human settlement of Lake Town. Since the last movie telegraphed how the dragon would be defeated, Bard succeeds via a ballista missile through an opening in Smaug’s scales. The dwarves figure they’re quest is over too. With the dragon gone, Thorin can reclaim his birthright as king of the mountain and re-establish the realm.

There wouldn’t be any three-hour movie if it were this easy. Firstly, the humans flee to the mountain because it could shelter them for the winter; they’re not too interested in its wealth. Thorin tells Bard and the villagers to screw off. Secondly, the wood-elf king Thranduil (who was a dick to the heroes in Smaug) arrives with an army to reclaim some of the wealth he says is his. The wood elves provide the human refugees supplies as well and in return Bard’s people join Thranduil in forcing Thorin out. Thirdly, Thorin manages to get a crow courier to his cousin King Dain Ironfoot (the ever comical Billy Connolly) who brings 500 experienced Dwarven warriors to confront the humans and elves. Lastly, Thorin just can’t be reasoned with anyway. He has been driven to the edge of madness over the Arkenstone not being amongst the dragon’s horde, remember that Bilbo pocketed it in Smaug.

All the “good” guys finally come together as one force thanks to those Goblins/Orcs who’ve been chasing Thorin, Bilbo and the gang throughout the trilogy have arrived with a huge army. Their leader Bolg wants probably wants the horde but I think he’s more interested in killing off Thorin’s family line. Who know, Tolkien’s villains don’t always have understandable objectives beyond raw cruelty.

On paper, the amount of time needed to execute a rather iconic Fantasy battle should play out in 90-120 minutes. Sadly, it doesn’t. I haven’t seen this much padding since the female fashion trend of the Eighties! Jackson should’ve stuck to two movies.

In his defense, the comparison of The Hobbit to the Star Wars prequels is very inaccurate. Even the weakest of this trilogy remains superior to Lucas’ strongest outing, Revenge of the Sith. As I proposed with Smaug, Jackson should’ve gone with a shorter version as he did with Rings and then throw in all the extraneous jazz when the Blu-Ray/DVDs are released. I’m a fan of this stuff. However I’m a realistic fan who knows that the general public bitched last time and is easily bored, never mind the billion dollars they poured into the box office.

So again. Fans, go, endure and enjoy the triumph of our genres finally being produced and succeeded more often than failing. The completist in me was motivated to see and The Hobbit is my favorite book by Tolkien.  Non-fans, you’ve been warned.

Alamo Extras: Polish people pulling off practical jokes based upon Game of Thrones and Lord of the Rings; the horrible The Return of the King cartoon by Rankin-Bass; and The Hobbit‘s cast reading the lyrics to Leonard Nimoy’s “Bilbo Baggins” song, the IGN people edited so it came off like they were singing without auto-tune.

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The front end of the 2014 holidays were OK

I don’t really consider the whole period over until New Year’s Day’s evening because New Year’s Eve is my favorite holiday. Sure it’s an arbitrary matter given the significance of things in our enormous, uncaring universe. However, we humans have a thing with time. Maybe it’s due to us being trapped in a linear path with the fourth dimension. Maybe we’re just too sentimental. There could be a couple dozen more reasons yet I know one that’s as certain as death and taxes, we have calendars for accounting purposes.

2014 decided not to buck the trend with the years ending in four or nine. This Christmas wasn’t super joyous given all the bad news happening around the world (Robin Williams killing himself, Bill Cosby is probably a serial rapist, the Flat Earth Society controls both houses of Congress, Stephen Colbert going to a network fewer people watch) but at least it wasn’t as crappy as ’89, ’94 or ’04. Austin weather was mostly gorgeous leading up to the day off. The downside? Cedar pollen. Starting around the beginning of the week I felt like I had vise grips pinching my forehead and upper nose. The cost of paradise. (Austin is paradise compared to Milwaukee or Central Illinois this time of year, more affordable than Hawaii). I eked through Christmas Eve at work sitting in available for calls which never came. I did manage to build a Lego V-Wing, a Jedi Scout Fighter and the fuselage of a Z-95 Headhunter. As soon as I got home, I passed out watching TV or something. (The Green Lantern cartoon sucked less than I feared given how awful the Ryan Reynolds movie was.)

The Maggi Republic doesn’t have much going on when it comes to a Christmas tradition. The Aggie faction lives in Qatar since 2013 so I miss out on playing with those three rascals’ new toys and telling them age-appropriate jokes. The Phoenix faction was visited by my in-laws. My parents probably set up camp in California to hoard all my brother’s family’s time, a major reason why I missed out while in Chicago back in 2011. Meanwhile, Apple is swamped. Somara racks up the hours with her iTunes duties and I make additional money since I’m no longer allowed to take the shutdown period off; I guess I’m too far off the shareholders’ radar to matter. Last year was cooler. I got to be the acting team manager. This year, the real managers were called in to stay put too. They’re on salary, I hope they receive comp days in exchange. We often get fed too, the cafeteria people are on vacation.

It doesn’t really eat away at us. As I said before, these dates are arbitrary. We will have belated parties/exchanges in the near future to make up for the missed opportunity. Heck, we mopped up at this year’s Festivus White Elephant in my opinion; what’s one person’s crap is another’s treasure! Other friends with strong familial obligations will get together with us over the next couple weeks. I enjoy their company more than my family’s; there were great, memorable time but when I grew to adulthood, they became an unnecessary source of stress.

With having to stick around Austin since 2012, I have revived my old tradition of going to the movies on Christmas Day. Jews go eat Chinese food. Atheists hit the movies. I took in Big Eyes since all the other serious, adult movies I wanted to see were either down south or at the non-Alamo art house; The Imitation Game and Foxcatcher remain high on my list. I was always indifferent to The Interview, Rogen and Franco aren’t funny, they’re just a younger version of Spade and Farley or Sandler cut into two crappier halves. I’ll have a review soon on what was a rare appearance of the Good Tim Burton (see Ed Wood, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure and Sweeney Todd).

It was wise of me to hit the 10 AM show. Afterwards, I was exhausted by the food and cedar fever. I passed out before 1 PM and didn’t regain consciousness until five-ish. Somara appeared around 7 PM, we debated dinner, gave up and then focused on finishing the Aggie nephews’ overdue present. The allergy jazz continued to plague me because I called in sick for Boxing Day. I really wanted to go in too. Double whammy; Friday and the day after a holiday, you can count on most customers taking a long weekend. They definitely will next year.

Today has been better. I managed to fight the pain and fog to achieve a major errand at Target before noon! Then I scored Somara’s main gift (noise-reduction headphones that aren’t beats, I go with Consumer Reports on why I won’t buy them). She already received a $100 in iTunes from me courtesy of my work bonus. The biggest surprise is yet to come. It’s mostly our joint New Year’s Resolution for 2015.

Where was I going with this besides trying to push the site past 400 posts for the year? Just updating anyone who gives a crap. Spending most of the holiday in bed was better than fretting/hating my job yet not knowing where to go next (’04), having my apartment broken into (’89) or feeling isolated, regretting the move to Austin (’94). Regarding the last crappy Christmas, seeing IQ with Meg Ryan probably didn’t help.

Onward to pictures of what booty others received from us (lot of jerseys) and overdue stories I need to clear out before 2014 ends. I did finally transform my 1992 Xmas mixtapes into podcasts! Not bad, I procrastinated that task by three years. I got a head start on the 1995 sequel but I will hold off them to have around as their 20th anniversary remasterings.

I know I’ve tried again and again, I’m not going to stop but please share your great holiday memories with me. I would like to read/hear them.

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OKC Barons folding at the season’s end

Such a shame too, they’re in first place with our division. I bet it was a serious blow to the team when they heard the news. Some here lamented it was the loss of our recent rival. Not so much to me. The San Antonio Rampage is our true rival, they’re just down I-35 and we’ve faced them every season unlike the Barons, Aeros, Checkers and Heat.

Word has it the move or new franchise taking the Barons’ place is part of a long-term strategy to have more AHL teams in the West. The NHL affiliates have been complaining about travel expenses to bring players up/send back so the AHL has said, fine, then you need to own these teams and eat the losses. I knew that. The AHL is heavily concentrated in the Northeast because it’s where the owners can get butts in seats to pay the bills. Besides, most people up there don’t want to pay the outrageous NHL ticket prices when they could have a season ticket for a fraction of the cost. It would be exciting to be playing against say San Diego, Las Vegas, Salt Lake and maybe the return of Houston.

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(Heretics Guide to) The Mormons by David Fitzgerald

hereticsguideThe book has its built-in audience and the author knows this. So beyond airing the Mormons’ obvious and odious dirty laundry, Fitzgerald provides arguments on conversing with followers of this American-based denomination, which is a generous designation.

It kicks off with some history to provide context on how Joseph Smith got his faction off the ground. In the early 19th Century, America was undergoing the Second Great Awakening or another wave of religious fervor. The established churches were losing their appeal as they became entrenched alongside the political class. A wave of Irish immigrants bringing Catholicism with them wasn’t helping neither. Enter a con artist and treasure hunter named Joseph Smith. He decided to get into this as a money-making venture plus he discovered it got him extra tail outside of his marriage. Nothing pisses off a diehard Mormon like reminding them about Smith’s criminal record! I know from firsthand experience with one who constantly dished out shit talk about what he disagreed with yet he couldn’t take it. The court record of his shenanigans from 1826 arrest were discovered in New York around 1971. Watch their verbal gymnastics regarding that. Martyrdom is often the Mormon go-to defense.

History aside, Heretics covers the hilarity regarding their “religious texts.” It’s mostly rewording the King James translation of the Old Testament, poor grammar and liberal usage of “adieu” in the conversations. I find most materials from Christianity and Judaism to be utter crap but the Mormons have an incredible amount of chutzpah given the trail of documented facts against them. Smith also took advantage of ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics not being widely decoded by Champollion to prop up his infamous seer stones and prophet powers.

The big surprise I should have known better about was Salt Lake City/Provo being Ground Zero for financial fraud. Scores of Mormons are ripped off by fellow members over shaky or fictional investments. Why the naiveté? Well, this guy was an upstanding elder, how could he be so dishonest? Hey, when somebody belongs to sect founded by a treasure-hunting counterfeiter who forced teen girls into having sex with him, they’ll believe anything. It certainly explains Bain Capital’s long trail of job destruction.

I don’t expect Fitzgerald’s book to make any Mormons realize they’re swallowing a load of crap. His book’s point is to educate the non-members on what they’re about, their controversies (Mountain Meadows and why Joseph Smith was really killed) and to let you know there’s a silver lining. Contrary to them having armies of kids like those Duggar turds, Mormonism suffers from similar levels of disaffection as other denominations and religions (the Islamic world has more Atheists amongst them than they’re willing to admit too). The term cultural Mormon comes up near the end. Similar to what American Jews call themselves now and to be fair, I would say the same applies to me with Catholicism; I was raised in it but I’m comfortable with my Atheism.

Despite Romney being defeated in 2012, I still recommend reading this. Many Americans don’t realize what a bullet the nation missed. The magic underwear stories were just the beginning.

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Paul Ryan’s version of the The Giving Tree

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Happy Winter Solstice!

The source claiming tonight will be the longest night in the Earth’s history has retracted its story already, it was in 1912. But if the human race gets its collective shit together, we may survive to witness the new record holder as the moon slows the Earth’s rotation. Given the suicidal Congressional majority America will be swearing in next month, probably not. These Republicans would pass a law outlawing Oxygen is Obama favored breathing.

My larger question is this since I originate from the Midwest where we often have our first snowfall by Thanksgiving (a month before this date). Why did our ancestors decide to declare this day the beginning of Winter? All the Winter symptoms and side effects are in full force for those living in the Dakotas, Canada, Alaska and the Scandinavian nations. Could it be the astronomers/astrologers (these disciplines were joined until Kepler) were trying to tell everyone there was a light at the end of the wintry tunnel? “Hey everybody! Yeah, I know the weather sucks today. But I have good news! It’s the first day of Winter and it’ll be over soon.” Nevermind the cold, crummy conditions stick around until March, sometimes April. Maybe these guys were more successful in Rome and areas where civilization wisely chose to take root in better climates.

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Farewell fictional Stephen Colbert

Calling The Colbert Report a national treasure via On The Media was a bit much from host Brooke Gladstone because the show appeared only a cable, was despised by those on the Right that knew they were being ridiculed and most over 50 didn’t get it. However, I loved it whenever I found the time to watch. Heck I still had Dish when Colbert was launched in 2005. This led to everyone saying, I guess Comedy Central is trying to be the fake news network; David Spade’s Entertainment Tonight spoof died quickly and I think there was an attempt to launch a Black-take on the news. Colbert’s crowning achievement was the White House Correspondents’ Dinner. The Busheviks realized too late they were being skewered and the “professional” media ran for cover claiming he wasn’t funny; I’ve known since college that so-called journalists don’t like it when you point out how full of crap they are.

I’m glad the show survived as long as it did. Doing a satire of Bill O’Reilly was a huge risk. The Daily Show‘s audience rarely watches Faux News yet enough people understood the point. Plus America is known as an Irony-Free Zone. You could say for several years, Colbert was our Ali G, just funnier and less obnoxious. Once the word was out amongst the Punditocracy (Rahm Emmanuel forbid any congressional freshmen from speaking to him), Colbert shifted gears to keep the jokes running.

I did watch the last episode through CC’s web site. The closing musical number was touching. All the former guests participating was impressive for a cable program.

Now the world will be watching and waiting to see what follows. Will Colbert as himself be funny enough to take on David Letterman’s aging mantle against Jimmy Kimmel and Fallon? I’d say the odds favor Colbert over Kimmel, Fallon is hard to tell. Will Larry Wilmore find his own voice to succeed as he follows The Daily Show? Giving up on the show’s title The Minority Report doesn’t give me much hope.

Thanks Stepehen! You’ve come a long way since Exit 57 and Strangers with Candy! It would be awesome if Shout Factory makes Exit 57 available to the public again.

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Meet Vincenzo!

vincenzoA little mascot I bought for the cafeteria people who always make an awesome pizza when I’m in the mood for the dish at work. They chose his name.

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A family portrait homage to the Belchers

burgerfamilyI almost forgot to include the other tribute via TeeFury. Sure it was the loser against the Beefsquatch but I loved this design. It definitely captures the kids’ spirits: Tina feeling awkward, Louise wanting space and Gene getting goofy. The ring around them also has the numerous props/trinkets we fans recognize from their four-plus seasons.

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Another reason why banks suck, real dividends

I don’t know if other credit unions like mine (CEFCU, I’ve been member for 21 years now) pay dividends at the end of the year. This is something I’ve come to modestly expect, usually it’s a few bucks because I only maintain a minimal balance of $100 in my share; the bulk of my savings is in a money market that pays slightly more on a monthly basis. Well they blew my mind this week. CEFCU had an incredible year. So incredible they paid me over 100% interest. Makes me regret not keeping a few thousand bucks in the share account instead. Well, not really.

We credit union members should feel triply vindicated. Once again, the Too Big To Fail Banks “need” taxpayer help thanks to their greed and ruinous Ayn Rand-Jack Welch strategies. Banks weren’t alone, Sears’ leadership follows the same stupidity and they’re closing stores.

Anyway, I also praise our success due to the non-profit nature of credit unions. Once again also proving there are instances besides the Green Bay Packers in which Socialism does out maneuver raw Capitalism.

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Doctor Who Christmas Specials

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Doctor #10 and Rose in the back

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The Santa robots.

Doctor #11 and Amy trapped by Daleks

Doctor #11 and Amy trapped by Daleks

The evil angels

The evil angels

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Flying Daleks as their ship steals presents.

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1989: The Simpsons Christmas Special

I double-checked to make sure I wasn’t repeating myself from five years ago! Firstly, I want to kick off with yet another link from the fine folks at Mental Floss, many of the facts they divulge aren’t new if you’ve watched the DVDs with commentaries.

So what’s my big memory or insight? Well, as the link states, I remember Jose laughing at Bart doing the old playground ditty of Batman smells to “Jingle Bells.” Then his roommate and mutual friend Phil did the whole verse. This surprised Jose because we guessed that they don’t sing this in Puerto Rico and it didn’t translate into Spanish.

The Onion did a spiel on good Christmas episodes too. Beyond their debut, my favorite isn’t “Marge Be Not Proud,” but “Miracle on Evergreen Terrace” thanks to Lisa trying to strangle Bart when the truth was revealed.

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Reno 911

From left to right, Lt. Dangle, Deputy Wiegel and Deputy Garcia

From left to right, Lt. Dangle, Deputy Wiegel and Deputy Garcia

It started with my discovery of all the numerous brown police uniform torsos while sifting through the Lego Store. I then looked for heads with sunglasses because I was inspired to make Deputy Garcia from Reno 911. Since you get three figures for $10, I proceeded to create other characters I remembered from the TV show. Lt. Dangle was tricky due to his infamous short shorts.

Although the faces and minor details aren’t exact, most people chuckle since they love the show and are amused by my attempts to recreate celebrities/characters in Lego form.

I also decided to see if I could send the photo to Carlos Alazraqui, he played Garcia on the show. Fortunately, he has a fan website with a link to send him an e-mail. I composed a quick letter saying I wanted to share this and thanks for all his comedy roles. What was more amazing was how quickly he answered with “Cool!” Like within 10 minutes of the message I sent. Moments such as these are when the Internet is a good thing.

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Now here are some positive role models!

70sheroesI bought this design for a young lady who I want to know that women heroes (or heroines) have been kicking ass, saving the world/galaxy/human race and are in charge. Of course I have this shirt too, I grew up with all but one of them…because the excluding heroine starred in an R-rated movie.

The answer key for those of you who are stumped, and some were. From left to right:

  1. Isis/Dr. Andrea Thomas, from the Saturday morning show on CBS.
  2. Jaime Sommers, from The Bionic Woman. I loved the fembots!
  3. Princess Leia Organa, duh!
  4. Wonder Woman, double duh!
  5. Flight Officer Eileen Ripley from Alien, lone survivor of the Nostromo.
  6. Colonel Wilma Deering of the EDF on Buck Rogers in the 25th Century.
  7. Captain Sheeba, CO of Silver Star Squadron on the Battlestar Pegasus who joined the Galactica mid-way through the show’s run.
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Subversives by Seth Rosenfeld

subversivesThis book was 30 years in the making thanks to the FBI stalling over the numerous FOIA requests Rosenfeld made; my review felt almost as long, I finished reading this in May and I had to rewrite this at least twice. It’s no surprise how much time Rosenfeld needed because the author uncovered many very damning facts. The big one being how much Reagan was Hoover’s lapdog. I’ve never found the GOP saint to be a champion of freedom, democracy or peace thanks to his unwavering support for murderous, embezzling foreign dictators (Guatemala, Philippines, Indonesia). Now there’s a book exposing Reagan’s larger involvement in domestic spying, snitching on his peers and proving his style of governance was more akin to the evil Communists he kept claiming were in league with LBJ’s Great Society.

Subversives focuses on the events at UC-Berkeley from the late Fifties to the early years of Reagan’s divisive time as governor. Thanks to the student demonstrations, the campus is still called the People’s Republic of Berkeley by the Right; I’ve also heard this jab for Madison and Austin. Throughout the Sixties university campuses staged protests over the Vietnam War, desegregation, poverty, free speech, etc. What made UC-B special were the numerous old-guard Right wingers who believed the widespread “national” unrest originated in Berkeley. In their delusional minds, this one particular branch of the UC system was the “test kitchen” of an internal Soviet menace. It’s easier to look back now and dismiss this kind of activity as inevitable when half of America was under 30.

After a quick primer on why Hoover had it out for UC-B in WWII, there’s a recap on Reagan’s past (“fighting” WWII from the safety of Fort Roach with the other chicken hawks, using his SAG officer status bone aspiring actresses 10-15 years younger than him and Nancy being pregnant before they were married). Allegedly Saint Ronnie was a Liberal who wised up. More like an opportunist not wanting to pay taxes. This sets the stage on why things would come to an ugly conclusion with Reagan’s 1966 election.

With the villains established, Rosenfeld introduces the narrative’s tragic hero, Chancellor Clark Kerr. Although Kerr was personally conservative and no fan of the hard left, he was a champion of academic freedom. One of his great quotes was, “The university is not engaged in making ideas safe for students. It is engaged in making students safe for ideas.” Pretty infuriating stuff to those who strived to oust him. Kerr’s long-term goal was to make UC-B the Ivy League school of the West Coast. When he fought back against loyalty oaths in the Fifties, the Uber Conservative Hearst faction was now hellbent on having him fired. They just had one major obstacle, Governor Pat Brown.

As the Fifties rolled into the Sixties, Kerr’s plan to accommodate the surge of college-age Boomers into the UC system through junior colleges and satellite campuses hits a snag called the Free Speech Movement (FSM). At the movement’s center was Mario Savio. To me, what Savio wants is what most intelligent people are good with…the right to speak freely, engage in honest conversations regardless of the political or philosophical alignment. A Communist wants to to debate Libertarian, sure, why not. The problem with Savio is he’s like most people in their teens-to-early twenties, he acts like a pain-in-the-ass absolutist incapable of compromise. I was the same way when I was younger. Mario Savio is famous for giving a speech about the university system being a factory and to defeat it, everyone needs to throw their metaphorical bodies on the gears to stop it. He’s partially correct to this day, American education continues to follow the flawed assembly-line strategy from what I can see going on at UT. But higher education doesn’t necessarily work like K-12, you get what you put into it. Maybe it was different in the Sixties from when I went in the Eighties.

Savio is also the embodiment of why I hate the Boomers. They’ve got their underpants in a  knot over segregation, Vietnam, poverty and so on. However, they have no plan to address these inconsistencies in America other than bitching and protesting. Then when the rubber meets the road, many transformed into what they hated (their parents), embraced Jesus in middle age and voted Republican. Plus someone like Savio wants an overnight solution to these woes which will take at least a generation to undo. All he succeeded in doing was being put on Hoover’s short list and giving votes to Reagan from people the Gipper would later screw over; the working class and the elderly.

Subversives entails other players such as the numerous sleaze bag FBI agents, the Hell’s Angels (I never knew they were pro-war, I figured they were apolitical like the Mafia), other Hippies and corrupt public officials. We know how it ends. Reagan becomes governor, Kerr is fired, Reagan introduces tuition into the UC system while slashing its budget, Hoover has an ally indebted to him so he can violate the law with impunity in California and the Sixties end as a decade of lost potential.

The things Rosenfeld uncovered were truly upsetting, namely Hoover’s system for rounding up those he considered enemies of the state should the nation go to war. All the Constitutional violations the FBI engaged in (and still does) so they could chase Hoover’s unicorns. My personal favorite highlights were Reagan’s blatant hypocrisy regarding “government dependency.” The FBI intervened several times on his behalf: investigating his daughter Maureen’s relationship with a married cop, tipping him off about his son Michael associating with the son of Joe “Bananas” Bonanno (a major Mob figure in NYC), feeding his campaign “intelligence” during the 1966 election.

It’s disgusting that the myth…no, the deification of Reagan continues 25 years after his retirement from the presidency. This book’s focus isn’t entirely about Reagan but it documents how he and his thugs came to power user our tax dollars. It also makes the case on how the FBI needs to be seriously purged. Their excesses have never stopped, they just get exposed every couple decades.

I highly recommend this as mandatory reading for real Liberals. Conservatives maybe but they’re too enamored of the B-Movie Star to understand reality. It explains why Reagan Flak and well-known know-nothingPeggy Noonan continues to be on TV.

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