MAGGI PICAYUNE

It was a rather mellow day for us since the city starts to go berserk by Friday afternoon, really a brief lull after the craziness of Thursday evenings; I figure those people are sleeping it off, recharging for the weekend.

First order of business, getting our tickets to the free show the timeshare gave us for attending the owners’ meeting. The concierge Mikey highly recommended Vegas! The Show because he grew up here and he said the lead guy does a solid Sammy Davis Jr. imitation. Since it involved scoping Planet Hollywood, we figured we could kill several birds with one stone: round four of poker, place a bet on the Bruins/Canucks game, watch the game and attend the live show.

Every visit to this casino raises my opinion of it. Initially I wasn’t thrilled to see the Aladdin get converted into a larger monument for three tremendous egos behind a failed restaurant chain. Clear Channel’s dirty fingers being in it didn’t help. However, much like their inability to run radio stations competently, CC through its proxies (Starwood, Goldman Sachs) failed and Harrah’s absorbed Planet Hollywood into its empire. There is certainly a huge difference with the casino versus the restaurant. The former is very subdued, tasteful and dignified, an uncommon trait on the Strip while I always found PH the restaurant to be a cluttered, weak knock-off of Hard Rock filled with crap cleared from Hollywood’s garage.

We tend to visit PH for sentimental reasons since it was the hotel during our wedding week. Had I known the Aladdin was undergoing the biggest bankruptcy in Nevada history (at the time), I would’ve picked a location which endured. It’s also the location for two roulette victories with 27, thus, it became my last stand in the Maggi Video Poker Invitational 2011…I lost spectacularly (see below).

Another cool discovery was the Bettie Page Store. The place specializes in the clothes associated with the cult pin-up model, namely dresses from the late Forties to mid Fifties. There isn’t much in the R-rated department Bettie was more infamous for. I scored a couple SFW T-shirts (one for me, the other for the catsitter) drawn in the same vein as Bettie’s photos. I’ll post mine after Jeremy receives his. The only hint I’ll give is, think Adam Hughes meets nose art. We told the sales clerk the owner needs to open a branch in Austin. Our home has a sizable Hipster, Retro and Rockabilly crowd to make it successful.

Sorry guys, no DVDs or magazines of the legend here.

With the daily gambling out of the system, we went back, cleaned up and returned to PH for Vegas!. The show had dinner included so we squeezed in a nice meal with Lombardi. I think Nelson treated us there for the wedding. I had so little sleep then along with eight years ago being a blur. As I ate, I watched the Bruins lose my 10 clams on Game Five. The eruption of jubilant Canadians was deafening a couple times. Then again, many are present to gobble up the foreclosed property to convert into vacation homes thanks to a strong looney. I imagine the Canucks have a big fan base in Seattle and Portland because the NHL has ignored those cities for years. I consoled a guy wearing a Boston jersey; remember, we’ll get them next time and unlike the Olympics, they can’t whine for a mulligan.

Now the main attraction with Day Four, Vegas! The Show. My attitude was indifferent initially. If the show was dull at least it was free, came with dinner and it just cost us a couple hours. After seeing it, I would say it’s something every visitor should consider. What’s it about? The easiest answer I can give is it’s a musical history of Las Vegas covering the city’s evolution starting from the late Forties with Louis Prima and closing around the time Elton John became a fixture. There’s dancing, singing, magic and a marionette. I was so impressed, I scored the soundtrack and the album featuring the show’s lead. Sadly, they don’t offer a DVD for me to share with friends, namely my primary Vegas buds Jose and Nelson.

Gambling Report:

• Video Poker: Somara 4, Steve 0 ($16.25, $0), Somara wins
• Somara: -$17
• Steve: –$105 (Damned Bruins, they failed to score on all PPs)

There weren’t any major accomplishments beyond upholding a couple traditions we established at our wedding.

First we had breakfast at Paris (the casino, not the city in north Texas). Normally, I tend to avoid eating “the most important meal” of the day because I’m rarely hungry that early. I love the Sunday routine with our friends but much like work and college, it’s the social interaction I’m stoked about. I often get motion sickness in my stomach from standard fare: eggs, bacon, etc. This made me a pain in the ass as a teenager whenever I was on long family car trips since I would try to get a burger instead.

Somehow my digestive system enjoys the morning buffet though. It’s one of the dozen highlights which keeps me coming back to Sin City. What makes it special? Crepes made to order, I often get cherry; eggs benedict; various types of sausage; cheese wedges which go really well with the fruit; corned-beef hash with prime rib in it; raw salmon and mainly French-influenced food. You’re wasting money if you take any small children or people without “grown-up” tastes; you people know who you are! It doesn’t sound impressive on paper but when you remember how much you would pay at Denny’s, IHOP or any other chain for this much food and variety, Paris clobbers the competition. This meal also serves as all the fuel I take in until dinner. So we always recommend Paris for any visitor’s short list.

I also got to practice some my French listening skills while waiting in queue. A couple elderly women spotted the Cher concert ad and I could comprehend the gist of their conversation about Chastity Bono’s sex change. There’s a challenge Mr. Prevost should throw in for extra credit!

Somara continued her victory streak with our video poker tournament. I just can’t get a break at the game.

Due to the impending carb coma, jet lag and the relaxation goal of every Vegas vacation, we kicked back at our room. We are staying in Tower One which has older amenities, namely the televisions…they’re not flat screens. Neither of us really care but recently the timeshare people modified the cable package to receive both Cartoon Network feeds!

Somara still felt pretty tired by the time my nap gave me a second wind so I hit the Orleans. It was a smart move. She dislikes this off-Strip place. Somara claims it’s all the second-hand smoke. I believe it’s the whuppin’ I gave her last year in video poker, I may have lost the 2010 series yet winning in three hands rocked. Orleans has added some non-smoking sections but it didn’t sway her negative opinion. Anyway, I like to play craps at the less glamourous joints to get my walkin’-around money to last longer. If there’s a Recession happening, it’s hard to say if the Strip is participating. All the table games have been $10 or more the whole time. Meanwhile, there’s rumors about the hotels averaging a 40 percent vacancy rate all year. I’m not too disparaged, the Orleans and Casino Royale people are polite and hospitable. I just need a craps buddy for all future trips.

How did it go though? I was ahead by $20 within the first 10 minutes. Then the table went cold, especially after I was the shooter. It’s the story of my life! Whether it’s craps or D&D, the dice rarely go my way. As my hour was winding down, there was a hot shooter who managed put me back up through sixes and eights. I colored up (cashed out) when the alarm sounded but decided to let the employees keep my 12-dollar gain, the Vegas economy remains sluggish.

Breaking even at some games is a victory.

I cruised over to the south end of the Strip to take in New York and MGM, see if they had anything interesting. Tropicana got a major facelift on its exterior so we may check it out before we head home. Nothing great to report beyond this amusing replica…

"We finally really did it. You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you. God damn you all to hell!" Still a better ending than Tim Burton's version.

Gambling Report:

• Video Poker: Somara 3, Steve 0 ($7.50, $0)
  
• Somara: -$12.25
• Steve: -$75 (yet even at craps!)

One downside with owning a timeshare are the meetings. When I’m on vacation, the last thing I want to do is sit through a pitch, upsell, spiel, etc. for half a day. We were spared this on our 2010 visit because Las Vegas is one of the ground zeroes for the recent real-estate meltdowns (primarily caused by the overpaid financial caste); hence no tours happening in the background. However, we were curious about Tahiti Village’s future. Would there be the additional two towers? What about the steak house plans? Are the Europeans gobbling up the vacant spots (no chance with an uncertain Euro now)? Could we buy additional days since we encountered numerous “Distant Locals” (Vegas slang for people from the neighboring states) renting space as if TV were a hotel.

Contrary to the infamous South Park episode, the sales people do cut their losses when you firmly say “no,” and give off a disinterested vibe as we’ve experienced in Orlando. At other times the meeting has informative aspects.

Our concierge is a great dude named Mikey and he arranged our meeting to take place at 830 AM for day two. It’s always great to get this stuff out of the way, especially if there’s nothing new. Then all the fun things we had tentatively planned won’t get hampered by it being scheduled in the middle. I’ll blather on about Mikey another time. He gave me his card so I sincerely hope we keep in touch.

In short, our sales rep Warren gave us the lowdown: a new company acquired the property for a song through a Chapter Seven bankruptcy (liquidation). We’re covered though. Unlike other timeshares you may end up leasing indefinitely, this place is equivalent to owning an apartment/condo which could be a different headache. Anyway, the current owner’s pretty cautious on how to finance the complex’s remaining two towers and accessories. Things appear to be picking up as we’ve seen tours again.

I had a short list of questions prepped. Warren tackled the big ones since they concerned who managed/owned Tahiti Village now. Buying additional days was being phased out, bummer!

Then came the anticipated offer we were braced to reject as usual…did we want to buy another deed; this is your only chance; blah blah blah.

Currently, we will have our pad paid off in full by August (five years early!) thanks to us really focusing and organizing our finances since July 2006. Despite the satisfaction we knew we’d feel over eliminating this debt, trips to Vegas would be an odd-year thing. Even years mean hotels, if we went. (Fear not, we will be visiting other places!)

So Warren wanted to know if we were interested in getting our Moorea every year or upgrading to the Bora Bora yet it would remain an odd-year thing. I was surprised since they weren’t allowing that when we did this in ’08. We said we were curious but wanted to know exactly, how many pennies on the dollar are being offered (it was a common litany in the presentation). When Warren and his supervisor offered us an even-year deed for six grand we didn’t hesitate…okay, I asked for a minute to make sure Somara agreed which turned out to be unnecessary.

Now we have our Vegas pad every year for seven days! What’s even better is that the payments on the new deed will kick in after the original is completed and the minimal amount is half as much. Come August though, we will continue with the same strategy we’ve been employing since 2010 when Somara’s third student loan was killed off. According to my forecast, we should own the entire timeshare in another year.

I love it when a plan comes together, especially when it involves finding a feasible way to stay in Las Vegas every year.

Now if I can find a way to get certain friends to tag along. The couch has a hide-a-bed inside which will cover his/her accommodations and I need someone to hit the craps table with me!

Gambling Report:

• Video Poker: Somara 2, Steve 0 ($16.25, $0)
• Somara: +25 cents
• Steve: -$40

I guess it’s not too late to wish them well because they live in the West Coast and we’re currently enjoying our vacation in Vegas which is at the forefront of PTZ.

This year, the gift is wood. When it was our fifth, E & K (now they’re known as gEeK thanks to their daughters’ names) bought us olive oil from these cool trees growing in Italy. Great stuff. For them, I am really, really going to wrack my brain to find something equally clever and useful.

Back to the couple, it is their day. I am very proud to be their friend all these years and in my own selfish way, I wish they move back to Austin soon. I want to spoil the crap out of Evie and Genevie (sic); it’s easier for me to call them little e and g. I hope they have a great little celebration today, tonight or this weekend.

If you know them, wish them well through here or (if you must) Facebook.

That's better. It's easier to recognize the Strip at night with the lights.

With the nap and grocery shopping concluded (food prices for the residents of Vegas…ouch! Not even Albertsons in Austin could be this bad), we got our first day started but kept it light.

The rental car this year is a Kia Forte which proves the Koreans can make a car as crappy as the American Alero or Aspire. How little the car manufacturers learn from selling their stuff to rental fleets. It’s still good to have our set own of wheels while on vacation.

To kick off our gambling tradition of video poker or what we call the Maggi Video Poker Tournament, we hit Luxor but played the inaugural match at Mandalay Bay while the Mavs v. Heat game happened in the background. Another thing I love about Vegas, most major sporting events end a couple hours before bed time, allowing you to keep enjoying the night. I didn’t stay too long in the sports book area when I noticed how large the Miami faction was.

We kept the evening light. Some quick gambling (I lost), a few pictures of anything that caught our attention, people watching (Austin may be filled with Hipsters, Vegas is filled with Vin Diesel wannabes and Skanks) and a cheap dinner at McDonald’s. One thing I wondered aloud about to Somara was this, what would real Ancient Egyptians’ reactions be to Luxor? Say the people from their civilization’s Middle Kingdom. Would they find this place blasphemous? Do the hieroglyphics make any sense? Are the colors on the Sphinx correct? Or would they just be too impressed by air conditioning?

Just great. I'm now at that age when the bands of my high school years do the old-fart-reunion thing.

One new thing we’re trying out this trip is paying for mobile Wi-Fi. Our timeshare offers a discount on a Clear USB dongle device which hooks into a 4G network. As you can see, it works really well but only on one Mac. Either it has some kind of provisioning to operate exclusively on my MacBook Pro or Somara has a funky issue we don’t feel like figuring out. I guess we’re stuck hitting a nearby Starbucks once or twice.

Wish you all were here! The weather is gorgeous.

Gambling Report:

• Video Poker: Somara 1, Steve 0 ($25, $0)
• Somara: +$5
• Steve: -$20