MAGGI PICAYUNE

In light of the inevitable Sirius XM bankruptcy (and good riddance), I’m finally getting around to writing about my failed career in radio. At the time though, things look good and I was having a better time during this semester. Just recently, Jose and I had been reminiscing over our show as we’ve discovered cassette decks with USB connectors; it would be nice to digitize those old tapes, mainly the WMUR spots.

When I went away on Christmas Break 1988, I had secured a new position with the WQFM’s Promotions department which was what I used to do at WMUR. Good thing I did, the morning guy was canned in a rather undignified manner; he found out while listening to the rival station WLZR. I probably would’ve been retained (for a while) since I was unpaid but Segal’s replacements were even lamer. Getting enough sleep became more important too. Waking up at 4-430 AM over another 16 weeks would’ve killed me.

Most weekday afternoons I’d wrap up my classes and hoof over to WQFM to see what kind of peon work the Promotion Director Mark “Mangy Man” Krueger or the new Program Director Dave (nee Fuhr) London had for me to do. Actually, I didn’t mind because this junk was few and far between. Most really involved just making phone calls to confirm details, arrangements and errands. The face time I got with Mark in return was appreciated because he was an old pro with a verifiable track record unlike Segal. Doing record-sales research for Dave was another matter. This guy was trapped in the Seventies, especially when I presented him facts contradicting his notions on what younger people wanted to hear or were buying. I clearly remember his blow-up when I mentioned the popularity of bands he didn’t like. Maybe it was the cocaine talking for him? The bulk of the day was normally spent hanging out, listening to “Downstairs Dan” Hansen’s afternoon show, reading magazines (most of which were an HR nightmare), and checking out stuff WQFM would never play. I was usually compensated with tickets, CDs and other swag. One evening I got the opportunity to operate the main board for a remote broadcast and I was paid. I was amazed since the station’s parent company was notoriously stingy.

Having access to WQFM’s production facility inspired me to grovel for a show back on WMUR. It’s a wonder I succeeded too, especially with all the bridges I burned and two of my rivals running things. Maybe they thought I was being punished with the 9 AM to Noon shift on Sunday mornings. I didn’t feel that way because I had a three-hour block unlike the two-hour spots most students received. It was perfect anyway. Each show fit on a pair of cassettes, you know, those ancient tape-based things we used to record with before CD-Rs and iPods.

Thinking back on it, I probably have to give the credit to Jose on getting me the show. We had become friends the previous semester and maybe I impressed him with my current “doings” in radio. He was interested in giving it a shot if the opportunity arose. Maybe he’s the one who convinced Sandy and Craig (the rivals) to give me another chance. Seems likely if I recall the “lecture” I received from Sandy.

With the slot in place, we formed the “Mag and the Hoser” show to take a jab at being one of the more talented, creative and well-made blocks on WMUR; how the title makes my skin crawl now, it’s like all the awful morning shows on the air today. For me, I was trying to recapture the chemistry and success I had with Sheila. Jose wanted to learn the ropes and contribute, be more of a partner, not my intern. Too bad my wounded pride was the bigger obstacle in having this morph into something solid. To be fair to Jose though, our show was still better than most but this was three-watt carrier current AM stuff, the equivalent of a 16 kbps stream (at best, makes you wonder what Marquette did with our tuition) and the majority of the DJs did this as a hobby. Few wanted to pursue a career in this so their lower skill level was obvious when listening to them.

Musically, our show was great. In my experience, if you gave the average person a weekly show, a significant portion of it would contain the same content every time. I remember some people’s routine being predictable enough that I could set a watch to it. Hence, the success of the horrible, homogenized crap we have today. Our recipe was pretty obvious and a strategy I wish I could get QTSS to follow; play one song from the pool of 40 “currents,” then something one of us wanted to play, repeat. We didn’t obey the pie chart in the booth to the letter. I felt it was the guideline the musically challenged needed, namely those DJs I belittled earlier. Now the tune which came after the “current” was usually chosen because it made a good segue for mood, tempo, style, whatever. Again, something I feel many people stink at doing. Jose did have a knack for this like Sheila. How much may have been my influence is questionable; I think he inherited his father’s musical sensibility via Opera and Classical. I would only take credit on bands/artists I indoctrinated him with, nothing technical. He got me to like the Gypsy Kings; something I think WMUR’s Program Director Craig gave us grief for playing.

The production side was a different story. Again, ours was better than the majority. Thanks to WQFM’s facilities, I had access to a couple two-track reel-to-reel decks and a sound board with a VCR hooked into it. Remember, this was the Eighties. I managed to put together some CARTs with sound bites and effects for jokes. We even had a well-made “commercial” to plug just our show with snippets from Young Frankenstein and an SNL skit involving Jon Lovitz and Tom Hanks. Where I was butting heads with Jose was the timing and rapport; our senses of humor were never on the same level as it was with Sheila. It frustrated me because even to this day, I hate DJs who are compelled to blather needlessly. I’m of the opinion that you don’t talk on the air unless you have something to say and it is worth listening to. Many morning shows follow the Steve (Dahl) & Garry (Meier) formula: if you keep yapping long enough, something funny might actually happen. It’s the favorite formula for egomaniacs who love the sound of their own voices, aka Howard Stern and Austin’s own Dudley & Bob Show.

Shortcomings aside, it was a good show. With some polish, practice and less ego (namely mine), it could’ve been a great three-hour radio block. Too bad Marquette was run by control freaks and the Internet wasn’t in its current form when we were college students. I’m not waxing nostalgically or bragging or trying to butter up my friend Jose. I still receive compliments on my old mix tapes (the WMAG/KMAG series) and requests for suggestions from friends who aren’t as passionate as I am about music. The network of fellow audiophiles I’ve met would make me a formidable Program Director as well. Jose went to work in TV for over a decade so I’m confident his production skills would make things even slicker. Now there are podcasts which could serve as a vehicle for a reunion show if time weren’t such a rare commodity.

After the semester ended, I went to work in the paint crew for the Summer and never bothered with WQFM or WMUR any further. My interest in radio had begun to wane: Dave London’s anachronistic viewpoint; I didn’t have the voice for radio (thankfully I lacked the face like Sandy); and I had lost my nerve because I decided to pursue something more stable. For a while, I felt despondent over this change of heart, especially during my senior year. It was short lived once I discovered how much I enjoyed using Macs for DTP. I don’t regret the time I spent with the two stations. Not everyone gets the opportunity to have a preview of a career choice before graduation. These experiences were harbingers in disguise to steer me away from an industry that the Telecommunications Act of 1996 has decimated.

America’s 16th president was a really big deal growing up in Illinois and when we moved to Springfield (his old stomping ground) 30 years ago, I quickly experienced Lincoln Fatigue. Most Illinois kids start off gaining an appreciation for him because his birthday is a state holiday; no classes for either public or private schools. State employees received it too so Dad could be involved in our revelry.

Now that I’m older, I’ve read more about Abe beyond the official propaganda children receive. Overall, I think he still turned out to be the better person to lead the nation through such an ugly mess. Certainly an improvement over the preceding James Buchanan who was long consider the worst president until Bush (my vote before W still goes to Harding). Lincoln made mistakes: suspended the write of habeas corpus during the Civil War; couldn’t find competent generals in the beginning; and the one Obama is making, having his political rivals on the cabinet with the hopes they’ll be appeased and/or can be managed. If all the people who go on and on about Team of Rivals actually read it, they’d realize how it didn’t work out well, namely his Treasury Secretary (Chase) running against him in 1864. Then comes all the revisionists calling him a tyrant and dictator yet they never have an alternative solution to keeping the Union together (same as FDR’s critics); why should they, it’s always easier to criticize than solve a problem. Never mind what they say as they enjoy living in a politically-socially stable nation which allows them to make their weak accusations.

Nowadays, Lincoln could never be elected due to his flippant sense of humor; a lesson Adlai Stevenson learned too late. Would I vote for him despite him being a Republican? Maybe. The platforms of the parties back then were very different. Many important issues to us now may have been in the realm of science fiction to the people of the 1860s. Most of the Past’s debates are moot now too. So I would have to put it in the “insufficient data” column.