I’m skeptical of this, but stupidity knows no bounds

My co-worker Peter sent me this story and I seem to have doubts in its validity. No other links, including the original source (a Denver-based newspaper in a land of credibility problems, see Colorado Springs) has a picture. My link has a rather weak black-and-white one yet I still don’t buy it.

If it is true, what’s this guy’s problem with calling? I don’t buy the excuses I’ve heard from advocates of using text messages over calling, instant-messaging from a computer (with a full-sized keyboard) or e-mail. He admits the surgery may pay for itself in 10 to 15 years too. He better hope text-messaging systems aren’t knocked out by the next major innovation by then. Twenty years ago, this guy probably would’ve had a pager installed into his body somewhere for convenience.

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Maybe these dogs will be on Animal Planet

Knowing what little goes through the brains of dogs and their fondness for sniffing everything, they may be jealous of these Bolivian dogs an explorer finally got confirmed, hence the creepy pictures. Too bad the Weekly World News went to being online only. I could picture waiting in line at HEB and there would be the headlines: Double-nosed dogs are Bat Boy’s pets or English-speaking cat teams up with two-nosed hound to fight in Iraq.

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Happy 63rd Birthday Sam Elliott

This guy is the quintessential cowboy to me. However, I think he’s cool playing other roles because his deep voice definitely implies Elliott’s characters are dudes you don’t mess with. Even if it’s a lame movie such as The Big Lebowski or The Hulk, he keeps them from being a complete waste of time. When I saw him in the trailer for The Golden Compass, it raised my opinion somewhat. I may actually go to it instead of writing it off as a desperate attempt to compete with other kid-friendly-message-heavy franchises such as The Chronicles of Narnia.

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Twenty is the new standard default display size

Quite a slew of new things from Apple. Now the minimal display on the iMac is 20 inches, hence the title, but it has the same spiffy metallic finish as the Pro and MacBook Pro. Personally, I prefer the plastic and I really miss colors or patterns. On the other hand, if this can make the iMac thinner, then it’s a worthy improvement, especially when the 24-inch top dog model is $200 cheaper than its predecessor.

The Mac Mini received another boost contrary to all the rumors. The top-end Mini is definitely on my wish list to become Picayune‘s future host.

It wasn’t all hardware though. The iLife bundle was updated, iWork software and .Mac account holders received a boost in space by a factor of 10 which definitely makes my 1GB USB sticks impractical. The changes in iLife I have yet to assess but the listed specifications make the case to ditch my PowerPC-based G4 soon.

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Happy 65th Birthday to Garrison Keillor

Garrison is definitely an acquired taste. I’d say he’s in the same vein as Bob Newhart or Gary Shandling with his low-key, odd delivery of jokes. I remember him joking about his quiet, monotone causing people to fall asleep at the wheel and probably noting how his show is usually broadcast live at 5 pm. I could be wrong but that’s when he’s on in Austin and other places I have resided.

Back when he drew attention in the Eighties, I ignored him as a novelty or something kitschy for faux intellectuals. I was also ashamed of my Midwestern heritage despite living in Milwaukee at the time. Due to Iraq’s invasion of Kuwait, I got hooked on NPR stations (the first time) and one day I caught his show. I only kept listening because his guest was the legendary Bob Elliott starring in the funniest parody of The Odessey. Then there was the poke taken at him by The Simpsons with Homer hitting the TV, yelling “Stupid TV! Be more funny!” as the Keillor-like character droned on PBS. These days, I’m comfortable with my Midwesternness so I enjoy his jokes and stories more as the Lake Wobegon people remind me of my grandparents.

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KMAG’s anniversary, polluting your ears for five years now

Once again it’s the “official” birthday for KMAG. I was nowhere close to the goal of 7000 songs. I fell short by over 600 tunes. As always, I’m distraught over it. Now I just think I’m ahead by over 300 for last year! I will always feel good about it as it still operates from a playlist larger than any commercial entity. Recently, my casual observations of BobFM (the Austin version of Fred or whatever the oldies format is called in your area) have made me be a bit more generous to it; it may be working from a larger catalog than most formats but mine still dwarfs it. Even Bob removes songs from its rotation, normally recent hits while KMAG continues to grow as nothing is thrown aside.

I updated it yesterday but I don’t know how many songs it had played other than it was past 668,000. I did check for the “winner” on which one was number 666,666: “Really Really Happy” by the Muffs. Some people think the band’s female singer has a hellish voice. It’s definitely an acquired taste like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs.

Any upcoming changes? The only immediate one will be scaling back the number of Onion stories from seven to five since they play reruns on the weekends now. Fine by me, it’ll save me some time because the podcast versions have to be modified to work as “regular” MP3 files. I’m a third of the way done breaking down 2006’s results. I have been kicking around changing the weights on songs based upon their age or genre to keep it from sounding similar to the abhorrent Bob. So far that hasn’t proven necessary as KMAG’s Top 30 pushes through frequently enough and the bulk of the stream leans in an “Alternative” direction, for lack of a better pigeon hole. With all the questions I get from my wife and friends, I think I should call it Obscure Pop, unless someone’s taken the label already.

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Please, keep your cats indoors as much as possible

After getting Somara’s truck back on the road and my other meeting down south being a bust, I returned home in a decent mood (I’ll have no trouble finding another buyer for my iPhone). I noticed a dead cat on the shoulder of FM 1825, the main road into Pflugerville and my house. I have a weakness for helping suffering animals which is why we have Nemo, my mother-in-law has Caliban and there are other recipients of our help. Sadly, it was too late for her but I didn’t want some sick jerk to make it worse; I’m amazed how many twisted morons live around here. I quickly rushed home for a box and a shovel to take her home to be buried in the backyard with some dignity. I doubt she was anybody’s pet. She didn’t have a collar and appeared undernourished due her size.

I don’t think this is weird. I don’t mutilate the dead a la Jeffrey Dahmer. I just believe that dead animals, especially pets, shouldn’t be left out as if they were discarded trash. Last year, some jackhole ran over another cat near my job. I spotted it during my lunch hour and when I noticed it still in the street after work, I took the time to make a visible grave for the landscaping people. My only regret is people not taking responsibility for their pets or animals because cats and dogs don’t know how to properly cross streets.

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1997: Hard to believe Jobs would be right on this move #1

Could’ve sworn this happened later on but then again, MacWorld Boston has disappeared into obscurity. I blame being super-busy in Las Vegas as my excuse for not remembering all the ugly details. Nastier ones would be coming later anyway.

Many people who didn’t know squat took this investment from Microsoft the wrong way, especially the crowd that loved to screech about the death of Apple. Microsoft’s $150 million in Apple stock wasn’t much to sweat for a couple reasons: the stock was trading around $15 a share then and even this much would keep Bill Gates in a minority position (I think they were also special non-voting shares), and Apple was more viable than other wounded computer manufacturers because of its patents, technology and cash on hand. Cash? I had a manager in 1996 tell me how Apple still had $2 billion so it couldn’t go broke for a long time.

I think the purchase gave people more confidence in there being future versions of Office which contains the most common and popular word-processing software. Personally, the only application in the suite worth using is Excel due to a lack of decent competition. Word is just bloatware and Outlook can’t keep out spam to save its life. There was the cynical explanation of Microsoft keeping Apple alive (they weren’t) to make the case against the Department of Justice’s antitrust suit. I never believed it, the BeOS claims were rejected for the same reason. The DoJ didn’t get “stupid” and cooperative until Bush.

It all worked out. Apple is in solid shape and Microsoft continues to sell, market and develop Office. More importantly, Jobs led by example with this deal and I agree with what he said (paraphrased), “We need to let go of this notion that in order for Apple to succeed, Microsoft has to fail.” He was right, current phenomenon such as the iPod were due to hard work, marketing and making a solid product regardless of what Microsoft did.

Sadly, the residents and reality of 1997 didn’t see it this way.

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Swiss tires aren’t as good as Swiss cheese

Remember this old joke? How many Denver Broncos does it take to change a tire? One, but if it's a blowout, then you need the whole team.

It would’ve been a lazy, easy Sunday morning for me until the phone rang 10 minutes after Somara left for work. I know she couldn’t be there already and I was right. As the picture above shows, her front-right tire burst open in at least two places. We had no luck getting the spare out from under the frame because the lock was rusted shut. Fortunately she pulled over at the Louis Henna exit so we just had to transport the rim to the nearby (blech!) Wal-Mart; the stupid Discount Tire that was right off the feeder is closed on Sundays. It all worked out in the end and Somara was only two hours late for work. The more important matter was her safety and I’m sure her boss will let her make up the lost time.

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Star Trek‘s “Balance of Terror” Version 2.0

“Balance of Terror” is one of Star Trek‘s best episodes even if it’s just a WWII submarine chase in space with dated special effects. It holds up because the plot and execution were solid.

Recently Viacom has been cleaning up, re-digitizing and “enhancing” the show. They were supposed to appear on CBS or TV Land yet I own the three DVD sets so I can watch any of the 79 I want. The original starship sequences aren’t as impressive by today’s standards but it was cutting edge then and that’s part of its charm. Besides, “enhanced” editions have been awful; everbody makes fun of the guns disappearing in the new versions of ET.

Then I received an iTunes gift card for my birthday which provided me the two bucks to satisfy my curiosity.

Unlike Lucas constantly tampering with Star Wars by re-editing the film to accommodate his modernizing of the effects, the Star Trek people only altered the elements involving the Enterprise and Romulan warbird fighting while leaving the live-action parts alone: the map was still cheesy, the respective bridges are the same, so on. You can see a comparison thanks to this guy’s website. When the Romulan ship cloaks/de-cloaks, moves and fires its plasma canon, it’s more menacing and convincing. Even when there’s a close up, you can see the details on the hull with the individual square plates of steel. The Enterprise receives numerous improvements too; blurring to give the feeling of movement.

Now to wait and see what Hollywood’s flavor-of-the-month (J J Abrams) does to rescue the movie franchise with his prequel, a bad idea nobody out there has figured out yet.

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1997: Viva Las Vegas, my first time there

It's much larger in person, the camera subtracts this case and makes Excalibur appear nicer than it actually is.

My first trip to Las Vegas began on this day in 1997. Oddly, I was going there for my employer and not on a vacation.

Quick back story…

By now, PowerComputing’s business and call volume had grown so the wise executive caste decided to outsource some of it. They managed to convince founder/big boss Kahng that this would be cheaper (an outright lie) and never mind that the decision makers were former employees of SoftBank, the winning bidder for PCC’s lucrative business. Could’ve been worse since SoftBank had a larger operation in Buffalo, NY.

This tiger isn't Montecore, the one who hurt Roy.

I was the lucky employee chosen to live out of a hotel room in Vegas for a month. During the first two weeks, my assignment was to assist the trainers get the initial batch of technical agents ready with co-workers Torrance and Mel. The last two weeks had me and my immediate boss Larry stick around as an onsite help desk. We would also give our assessments of Softbank to Kris of vendor management.

“Excited to go,” was an understatement. I had never been to Las Vegas and it was my first work trip in five years. When my brother was an Systems Engineer at Apple, he got to travel pretty often and I was jealous. He always told me how much he hated it and said all hotel rooms look the same. Not me, I jump at any chance to break the routine.

It wasn’t a perfect situation due to two ugly factors creating a cloud of apprehension. Firstly, my grandfather had been diagnosed with terminal cancer since May but there was no clear assessment on how much longer he’d live. There was a chance he could have died in the middle of this project. Secondly was the ongoing battle over outsourcing. Nobody wants to help train the replacements if they’re going to take away jobs from coworkers or yourself. Rob (Head of Training) addressed this by saying these agents would be handed the legacy products and they’d pitch in when we were too busy. I didn’t believe it because all incoming calls after 6 PM and during weekends were outsourced regardless of the situation.

If those two sources of anguish weren’t enough, PowerComputing’s bright future was starting to dim. People in non-essential roles (HR, IT, administrative, etc.) were being silently canned every week to make the bottom line look better for the potential IPO. Meanwhile, Apple CEO Gil Amelio was struggling with Steve Jobs trying take command. Jobs publicly stated his hatred of licensing earlier so we knew he’d do everything possible to hurt PCC, Umax and everyone else manufacturing Mac OS-compatible computers. Those arrangements were made by his predecessors, I think Spindler and maybe Scully thought about it.

Vegas Vic, one of the icons of the city.

Still I flew out to Las Vegas full of anticipation. I had never been there and the recent movie Swingers made it sound awesome despite the main characters’ segment ending on a sour note; practically everybody has seen it. The three of us (Torrance, Mel and I) arrived on a Sunday night so we got to see the Strip in all its neon glory. It’s much, much larger than it appears on TV and film. We were all too excited and famished to unwind properly from the long flight. As soon as we secured our stuff at the hotel (the Howard Johnson’s on Tropicana what a dump!), we bolted on foot to see the Strip. It was amazing with all the lights, the traffic, the sound and how immense each casino was. We only made it as far north as Monte Carlo due to jet lag and hunger.

The next two weeks were very memorable, especially after Rob convinced our superiors to let us have a rental car. The executives’ cheap-ass strategy of hitching rides from Softbank employees was insulting. Kris was my main guide one evening and she demonstrated how she’s the luckiest person I know at gambling. After having dinner at Treasure Island, where we received a funny peek into the future on what her 10-year-old daughter Kelly would be like at 13, Kris won $100 at video poker in Caesar’s Palace! I remember the machine running out of quarters too. The nice attendant helped us, then left his pass-key. We panicked and flagged him back—there’s cameras everywhere and I think we naively believed the Outfit still ran things. Besides gambling, everybody took in as much of the Strip and Fremont they could after work. Torrance was the only one bold enough to risk his own money gambling. Back then, I was somewhat intimidated and I hadn’t learned the maxim of gambling I live by now: take out a set amount of money you can afford and classify it as “lost” no matter what happens. The two times I actually did try, I lost a grand total of 30 bucks and I knew immediately I would never have a gambling problem; I was so pissed at losing.

What happened to PCC in Vegas was rather unpleasant and I’ll save it for the story on how Apple put the knife to them in September. I want to focus on the awesome time I had as my initial experience.

Tom Jones still packs them in.

When the Strip grew stale (I never liked Fremont, especially after Glitter Gulch), I tried to get my life into a better routine. Dining out constantly wore thin; doing laundry was a hassle, especially with SoftBank’s insulting dress code; I was more Internet dependent than most people at the time so I was jonsin’ for my weekly online chat with Helen. Kris managed to get me a modem later on to help (wireless with broadband was a few years away). She wasn’t the only lucky person in Vegas though, I got to see Tom Jones at the MGM, the Simpsons’ replica/prize house in nearby Henderson and Cirque du Soleil’s Mystere. My entire diet and exercise routine went down the tubes thanks to jet lag, buffets and no safe places to jog. I did walk and swim whenever I had the chance.

A Japanese rock band making a video on Fremont.

It grew to be an odd place by the third week. There’s coin-operated gambling everywhere: the laundromat, the Denny’s near SoftBank, every gas/convenience store I stopped at, the airport, etc. Residents said these machines used to be in the bathrooms. I think they were kidding. The only location I recall being gambling-free was McDonald’s. Vegas’ other oddity was the music being piped in anywhere you go and most of it was good a variety. The 10,000 Maniacs cover of Roxy Music’s “More Than This” remains a Vegas association.

I was more than ready to come home to Austin when my four weeks ended. PCC was pretty punctual in reimbursing me the five grand I had to cover in food, housing and transportation. I bought a suitcase to bring back a small haul of gifts for friends; I know there were at least two additional Tom Jones T-shirts my coworkers wanted. The recovery was short lived with PCC’s fate decided after Labor Day, the Princess Diana Death Circus and Grandpa’s impending passing. At least I had my fill of Las Vegas for about several years. I had tons of stories to tell my friends about the place along with all the enticing I continued to pitch to make them accompany me next time. I know Jose was interested and by the time I returned in 2003, all the ugliness of the past was purged. I’ve had a great time there ever since yet I never regretted my weird four-week immersion.

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Better late than never on college homework

All these years I always thought Brian May of Queen had his Ph.D. in astronomy. I wonder if his dissertation has anything to do with the relativistic effects on the astronauts from his song ’39.

Posted in Astronomy, Music, Science & Technology | Tagged | Leave a comment

Quilt-a-pa-looza

I’ve been collecting concert shirts for 25 years now, ever since my first live concert back in Springfield and laugh if you must but it was Rick Springfield; je ne regrette rien! Believe it or not, most still fit too, including the cheesy three-quarter-sleeve ones.

Most of them are stored in boxes (by decade obviously) around the house. I hope to wear each one a final time before they’re “retired” to this idea. Somara and I had been kicking a quilt solution around for years. This blogger had actually done it. Why a quilt? It’s that or my three nieces and five nephews will eventually plunder my collection when their generation goes through its retro phase. Hey, why go to Hot Topic? They’ve got a childless uncle to borrow from!

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Worst. Album. Covers. Ever.

Yesterday, The Guardian published the 16 worst album covers of all time. All time? Based upon the choices, the critic(s) didn’t go far back enough. I recall some pretty horrid ones from the Seventies and Eighties. Thankfully, there was this site buried in the article with stronger candidates of pure awfulness.

What are some “winners” that come to your mind immediately? I automatically went with most of the Hair Metal bands such as Britny Fox and W.A.S.P.

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The upcoming Fall 2007 line of T-shirts

This was Somara's choice, not mine.

According to what I found on the Internet, for better or for worse, the gift to receive or give on a fourth anniversary is clothing. It used to be fruit or other stuff you can get more easily at HEB now. To me, any excuse to get something funny at Mondo Tees is always welcome and it was right next to Alamo Drafthouse when we went to the Simpsons movie.

Last time I forgot to mention their huge selection of designs with famous porn stars of the Seventies. Definitely all the heavy hitters are present: John Holmes and Linda Lovelace. As the above graphic showing Somara’s choice, it seems rather funny and if it didn’t state it, I would’ve sworn it was based upon a Roger Corman premise.

Who loves ya' baby!

Now my choice was more tasteful but I’m guilty of kitsch because the joke is based upon the old commercials Telly Savalas used to appear in before he died. It was parodied on SNL with Phil Hartman and In Living Color with Jim Carrey, guess which one was funny. The best joke at Telly’s expense was done on Two Stupid Dogs; the gag is starts at 4:32 with the dogs going to the craps table if you don’t want to watch whole eight-minute short.

This joke works at many levels.

My order from T-Shirt Hell also arrived over the weekend. There’s another design I bought through this site for a baby shower (not shown to keep the surprise) but I threw in another joke shirt for me that I could wear in public because this company isn’t cheap. I haven’t had a Star Trek based shirt in years and this one looked pretty funny yet I’m not sure what the exact joke is with T-Shirt Hell. If anyone knows for sure, post it in the comments.

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