Italian designers need a little help with English slang

With Jennifer moving in, I’ve been changing out some appliances and one thing she got me hooked on was an electric, “direct” kettle. A couple decades ago, my parents gave me a traditional kettle as a gift which is nice but the one at Jennifer’s old place was faster. So while I was at Crate & Barrel, window shopping for the dishes I hope to get one day to represent another step toward evolving into a boring adult, I spotted this gem in the return bin. Normally these Italian-designed (yet built in China, booo!) puppies run almost $200. I thought, mucca sacra! Definitely gave the cheaper brands/designs another look.

Then I discovered the returns rack and presto! the Italian kettle I wanted for only 80 smackers. I didn’t give a crap about the color, I can live with the Barbie look since I’m confident and comfortable in my “manhood,” (or whatever I was born as, my preferred term is “a person with good taste”). What set me back a tad was the name…smeg. Seriously? Nobody in Italy knows better when it comes to English/American slang and dirty terms? I was polite to the cashier, told her the more PG-13, über Nerd go-to, “Smeg off!” from the not-funny, rather boring show Red Dwarf, well, the British can’t help it, they can make humorous shows, they just can’t make decent Sci-Fi, adding jokes made the thing a chore. Before you write some angry comment, Doctor Who is Space Opera, there’s no real Science to beloved show.

Back to the dirty word, if you haven’t figured it out by now, it would be smegma, go look it up in a dictionary, wipe the little bit of puke you coughed up and continue to this post’s conclusion. Now remember, my kettle is pink and it’s shape. Yeah, I hold back your hair for round two.

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March ’22 edition of The Stupid! How it burns!

This masterpiece of Amerikan Exceptionalism (aka Ignorance) was spotted by the great and lovely Holly Frey of Stuff You Missed in History Class. Holly threw in the comment on how she must resist the urge to engage this MAGAt at the grocery store, confront his moronic and willfully hateful statement on his fat back.

I’ve said before and I will until I die, I wish the strain were nastier and deadlier so it killed more dumb people while scaring the fence-sitters, who are equally culpable, including Jon Stewart (engage Joe Rogan my ass!). People such as this asshole remind me of all the Right-leaning schmucks I’ve dealt with all my adult life who love to throw the Communist accusation around…as if it’s radioactive these days, ha! Firstly, they wouldn’t know Communism even if it bit them on their fat, complacent, NASCAR-watching asses. I will always remembered the pimply-faced teen Libertarian with dog-eared summaries (that agreed with him) of The Federalist Papers in hand. When I told him how the US Constitution is a living document (experts agree, due to the numerous Amendments which have followed since ratification), he paused and then called me a Communist. What a mental midget and prick. It’s been over a decade, I suspect he still lives at home because Alex Jones takes most of his wages via bone broth and boner pills this loser won’t need, if Natural Selection works as it should. It’s probably too late for the fat bastard in the picture above and he has reproduced.

I just can’t wait to see some doofus wearing this along with the “Let’s Go Brandon” shit at the next Sherwood Forest or other neutral public event.

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Caturday on the Couch!

What’s becoming a typical, relaxing afternoon at Castello di Maggi with the cats enjoying the relatively new couch. I hope to get a photo with Agamemnon in the mix but I had to get this one since Vegas is relearning to be in a public space. Hell, even Isis has been coming out of the nearby cat tower to find a warmer spot, just don’t get too close or she’ll retreat.

The bigger point of pride, how clean we’re keeping the house and their litter boxes. I know you’re all thinking, “Oh Jesus! Five cats!” Uh huh. Well, when you enter the front door of our house, there will not be that predictable cloud of ammonia-based stench wafting right into your face…aka, cat piss.

One day, I hope at least two of these cats will be regular cuddlers who won’t run away when you want to take a photo or pet both of them as you go, “Oh, they’re so adorable together!” They’re all lone wolves.

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The Russian Invasion is putting the squeeze on the EU

From my friend Jeremy earlier today when he went to fill up for a trip to referee a match at a place I figure the trains don’t get to easily or at all. To give you a more American understanding of this price with a conversion app…€ 2.459/liter = $11.89/gallon. Here I was shocked the White House and Congress weren’t overrun by F-350 owning assholes because we’re at a mere $3.50/gallon. Still isn’t as awful as the days it was around $4/gallon over 17-18 years ago when a different inept, inbred Republican was in the White House with a rubber-stamp Republican House.

I envy the Europeans on a bit of this. Sure the war is more likely going to kick them in the balls on food prices because they were already enduring higher home-utility costs long before Putin gave the nod. However, they have such superior public-transit systems for their urban pockets that car upkeep expenses we Amerikans endure are something more than half can ignore. I hate how not owning a car through this country with the exception of our norther megapolises (NYC, Boston, Chicago and Philly), makes you a third-class citizen on life overall.

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1991: Simpsons Videogame debuts

Konami caught up to all The Simpsons madness with a side-scrolling cabinet for the arcades. By the time this came out, the show was still going pretty strong for Fox but I think the wave of knock-off T shirts had ended. I imagine the development cycle for Konami was pretty easy and rushed. They just took their hit Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles product, swap out all the Simpson characters for the turtles and then make some generic-looking Groening style people as the fodder with some others as the bosses (Krusty). The game reflects how far the cartoon would come as Smithers is the main villain. Today, the man best known as Mr. Burns’ main toady and secret admirer would never do such a thing. The family may annoy him, especially Homer and Bart, yet I’m confident he has no malice toward Maggie despite her being the one who shot his boss.

Thankfully, Pinballz has an operational one hanging on with its struggling CRT. I should just load up a card with about $50 to see how the game ends. I could search through YouTube but there’s no fun nor surprise in that tactic. I wonder if this was ever ported over to the consoles like my PS4.

The ad is more amusing for the fashions worn by the hired family enjoying the game. The colors, especially the youngest wearing neon green, and the hairstyles. Their look is certainly toned down from how loud things were in the mid-Eighties but you can tell this was the world before the Grunge/Look-Like-a-Hobo trend would take over into the mid-Nineties. Today, the dad would only be sporting a shirt with a collar if he just got done from a job requiring it; now he’d probably have a printed T-Shirt.  The mom is wearing low heels in a casual setting? Not likely, sensible shoes will always be timeless.

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Chupacabracon VIII is on and I’m going

While I was listening to Brian Posehn’s Nerd Poker, I got to hear my always enjoyable shoutout from Brian! Every time he comes to Austin, I give him $100 to cover the show’s expenses with a little letter. The best part is him reading off our characters’ names from the letter. Meanwhile, I remembered to bug the team behind our local convention to update their site. Turns out they did, the host failed to get it to redirect correctly. Seems the Web host couldn’t handle the convention switching from standard numerals to Roman. Regardless, it will be good to play mostly in person. I passed on last year’s Twitch-based bullshit. As I’ve told my friend Mark B, my standards for a gaming convention are too high because I was spoiled by a half-dozen times at GenCon (1988-93, 1998) while it was in Milwaukee. I refuse to attend it in Indiacrapolis, a giant ‘burb with no city governed by people promoting the imaginary Fifties®.

My ambitious plan is in the crapper due to everything else going on in the last few weeks plus my partner in Call of Cthulhu, Mark B again, has been swamped into being a good parent. It’s noble of him and all his ilk, I would break down at the kid and go, “I didn’t go to college and work all week to be your fuckin’ Lyft driver! Take your bike.” I’ll try for next year while the house is more organized and enjoyable. I did get hooked a new take for an RPG set in modern times as WOTC gave up on their excellent d20 Modern which had great supplements via d20 Future and d20 Past. It’s written by the Green Ronin people who have some of the better WOTC exiles amongst them. I tried their free PDF but grew frustrated with the PDF’s navigation so there will always be a demand for hard copies in our digital nonsense age. I’m writing them to see if they have a convention scenario.

I love Chupa yet there’s one big peeve I have, it’s practically a marketing event for the Savage Worlds system. Savage has its moments and I even chipped in with a Kickstarter they did some years ago. I’m just not sold on it entirely due to the numerous vagaries it contains. Plus I always get annoyed with how all multi-genre systems bite off more than can chew exposing their shortcomings: Superheroes; Star Trek (Data/Lore and the Borg are intangible); and Fantasy. The other gripe…we don’t need another RPG dipping its toe into the Cthulhu Mythos.

Sadly, Cthulhu Dooby Doo is postponed until next year but I promise it’s going to kick ass with all the little Playmobil toys I’ve accrued and a modified set of house rules built upon Chaosium’s Seventh Edition using D&D’s 5E skill mechanics unless another system impresses me.

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Texas Independence Day, what irony

While Ukraine is up against a pretty brutal invasion from a Russian dictator, the “great” state of Texas has some parallel elements with the ongoing struggle between the two Slavic nation states.

Firstly, the Texas War for Independence was similar to the the Crimean “uprisings” Ukraine experienced around 2014. While they had alleged separatists wanting to rejoin Russia, the Texas movement was fueled by numerous American settlers who wanted to break from Mexico and indirectly join the US. Sure there’s differences. Millions of Russians who reside in Eastern Ukraine were voluntold to relocate there during the Soviet regime. Partly due to Stalin’s genocidal policies with the Ukrainians (now the SCLM is mentioning the intentional famine in the Thirties) which suddenly created openings and the rest just being the nature of the USSR. It was a giant state so mobility was “easier” and Russians often got the better gigs regardless of the region’s ethnic majority. With Texas, Mexico had a hard time getting its citizens to live there and defeating the First Nations already present. They lured the Anglos to do the dying and killing in exchange for land. Mexico figured it was a win-win scenario. I’m guessing, they’d step up their presence once Texas was more secure.

What would follow later is how the two conflicts line up more. Putin made up a load of bullshit to invade his Western neighbor. There may have been some Nazi sympathizers present, yet its doubtful any government in Ukraine over its recent 30-year run are fans. As for Texas, the people running the Republic knew they were on borrowed time. There was no way they’d survive without American intervention because Mexico would lick its wounds, regroup and retake the land in a matter of a decade. Ergo, President Polk and his cronies made up some crap to justify a war that ended in US forces storming Mexico City.

Throw in America’s History of ignoring other place’s sovereignty: Iraq, Nicaragua, the Philippines, Cuba, the Dominican Republic, Panama, Guatemala, Iran, the First Nations, etc. It sadly gives Putin, Xi and the dictator’s club some cover to tell the UN and the US to go screw itself since “do as I say, not as I do,” is hard to enforce.

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Welcome March and Mardi Gras

Since the two events aligned all at once, I thought, why not do the same with this month’s theme and design! Besides, Jennifer is a big fan of the holiday and the American city which is the most famous for celebrating it. We all know it and maybe you’ve been there, New Orleans. But I think Rio de Janeiro is the place for Mardi Gras internationally. Their parades, samba bands, societies and outright craziness blows away New Orleans which is impressive. If movie ratings were given to cities, New Orleans is PG-13 most of the year and then transforms into a solid R during this time of year while Rio would be NC-17. Allegedly Venice also has a reputation for celebrating Mardi Gras which draws in tourists, haven’t seen any footage beyond the Rio Casino.

What I find the funniest aspect about the big party in the Big Easy is how American Protestants, primarily the Evangelicals who now dominate Louisiana, are fond of what is a Catholic bacchanal before Lent begins. To many in the Deep South, Catholics are not different than Voodoo practitioners, Pagans and Devil worshippers. They have to grudgingly accept the truth, without Catholics and Jews, life wouldn’t be very enjoyable and the food would be even blander. The UK and Netherlands are proof.

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Check out my new display!

One fun step I took with the home remodel was retake and the room which used to be my office. With Jennifer being around, I had to go with a room that’s more private, blah blah blah. So I decided to check out this bitchin’ new 32″ (81 cm) display which is also curved. Costco has an excellent return policy if my MacBook Pro Mid ’12 model couldn’t handle it. Ha! It can and I love this! I scored a 27″ ViewSonic is great too yet there’s nothing wrong with having about another five inches of space to edit my stuff on in GarageBand or Pixelmator.

Obviously it gets utilized at work and I’m confident my work-based portable drives the display more easily.

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Marquette Day 2022 was pretty cool

This year’s Marquette Day was celebrated at a place called Cover 2 along 183 up in North Austin. I had been there over a decade ago for a Stars event and the place was still a Hooters (ugh). Our opponent was Butler which is a well-regarded private university in the north side of Indianapolis, they’re just less famous in sports than my alma mater. The team is having a good year too, they’re over .500 so should they place decently in the Big East tournament, I guess they’ll be invited to the NCAA championship, now with 1200 brackets! Maybe next year the NCAA will just cancel everyone’s regular season and we can right to a giant tournament! According to conventional wisdom, the masses only pay attention during the playoffs.

On a less cynical note, it was nice to see the different eras of graduates living in Austin. Despite feeling really old when I encounter people who were born around the time I got my diploma in 1990, it’s comforting to discuss landmarks, foods and other positives aspects about Milwaukee that Texans don’t comprehend.

The waiter graciously took our photo but I haven’t gotten a copy from the cool lady who coordinates these pleasant and nostalgic get togethers. I look forward to it. Then I’ll put it into a virtual scrapbook. I was also glad to hear support for my pitch regarding Marquette investing in an NCAA Division One hockey program as Notre Dame did over 20 years ago. Sure we’ll be up against the nearby powerhouse Wisconsin and Michigan but why not. A football team would cost a helluva lot more with adequate results taking decades in my opinion. Hockey? It’s a natural fit for the region. Besides, I really just want a cool looking jersey to add to my collection.

I do hope we all get together again this Summer for something fun again. They’re nice people and time mellows us all out, except Scott Walker, he’ll always be a dick.

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Moscow Achieved…just great

Had I known Putin was going to invade Ukraine with so much certainty, I would have skipped Moscow as the next destination but it happened. It’s not the Russian people’s fault and they don’t deserve to be punished over something trivial.

Above is the city’s flag which oddly has an image of St. George slaying a dragon. I never thought the Russian or Moscovites (sic) were partial to the myth. They’re not. Moscow only adopted this design in the mid-Nineties. I guess they went shopping at Flags R Us when Boris Yeltsin was in charge saw this and decided, yeah, how about it? Does it come in the popular colors teal and purple? Could you add a dinosaur because we really enjoyed Jurassic Park like Toronto? No. OK, this will do, wrap it up.

My next destination on the agenda is a city that’s been less controversial since 1945, Tokyo! It is over 6500 miles from my house and the progression will be harder. I will need to get in 12 miles a day just to make the dent of a mere two percent. Tokyo may take me the rest of the Spring.

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RIP Sally Kellerman

It’s sad to see yet another person who contributed to Star Trek pass away. Sure, most of you cool kids know her as the original Major “Hot Lips” Houlihan in MASH the film but Sally played Dr. Elizabeth Dehner in the second Star Trek pilot which convinced NBC to pick up the show. It is a bummer her character was killed off. My fingers are crossed the writers and producers will find a way to bring the doomed psychiatrist back for a while in the upcoming Star Trek: Strange New Worlds since M’Benga will be amongst the crew.

The other big role Sally had in my life was the English professor in Rodney Dangerfield’s most successful (but not his best) film Back to School. She was pretty convincing and cool for my tastes. At the end, the last thing I recall her doing was playing Marc Maron’s ideal mom in his IFC series.

Thanks for everything Sally! I’m also glad to read how you stood up to Robert Altman with the nude scene/prank in MASH. Maybe I will get around to watching the original movie because the maudlin SitCom portrayed your character as uptight yet also an asshole until Frank Burns exits halfway through the run.

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Well…I guess Putin is…not sure, but the invasion is a pisser

I readily admit I was wrong about Putin and Russia. I didn’t think he’d go for a full-scale invasion. I figured he was going to continue his Crimean strategy of having Russian regulars hide their uniforms and pose as local separatists to chip away a couple more eastern sections of Ukraine. The SCLM is alleging how Biden and US intelligence predicted correctly what’s happening while the EU remained very skeptical. In Europe’s defense I easily understood their doubt. About 20 years ago, Amerika under Dubious and Darth Cheney got a respected war criminal to cry wolf at the UN over Iraq having nuclear and chemical weapons. Despite the European intelligence agencies calling bullshit, the US with the UK , Italy and Australia stitched to its ass, illegally invaded anyway. We know how that movie is going, especially the comedic part involving a shoe being thrown at Dubious.

No idea what Putin’s objective is. He may try to absorb the country since he recently said Ukraine is a fiction made up by the West. History disagrees since the people called Ukrainians have been around for 1000-plus years. He might just topple their elected  government and install a puppet who will do his biding, then leave. This is what the Russians tried with Afghanistan in 1979, Georgia in 2008 (I think), Chechnya around the Nineties, Hungary in the Fifties and the former Czechoslovakia in the Sixties. Their track record has been mixed so how it will play out is anybody’s guess. The Internet is a major element past attacks didn’t have to sweat and could be a deciding factor. He certainly succeeded in spreading stupid over here.

One thing I’m certain of, taking the large Ukrainian cities will be difficult. All the big stuff the Russian forces have (tanks, helicopters, missiles) just aren’t practical when the fighting grinds down into a block-to-block struggle as Stalingrad was. We learned this the hard way with the urban pockets in Iraq and Afghanistan too.

In time, I believe the West will fold. The US and the UK don’t have the stomach for a prolonged conflict, morally justified or not, thanks to Dubious and Blair’s lies (they should be in prison). Key members of the EU are too dependent on Russia’s natural gas as the alternative sources coming from the Middle East and (I’m guessing) North America won’t be enough nor in time.  Europeans don’t like paying higher utility prices any more than my fellow Americans. Most importantly, Putin doesn’t give two shits how much the Russian people suffer as the West crushes their economy into the Stone Ages. He will push until he gets what he wants and he can since he will never be up for re-election. The only immediate hope the Russians and Ukrainians have is a coup. Not a great option.

Lastly, I do want to go on the record for posterity to remind the world about all those traitorous Republicans, American Fascists and Evangelicals who gave Putin moral support and encouragement since 2016, probably sooner. Should this unfortunately spiral out of control into what we all fear, World War III, it’s on them and we should start arresting them or better, deporting them to go live in the despotic regime they oh so love. Cancun Cruz proved he can turn on a dime to kiss Girth Vader’s ass so giving Putin a handy won’t be a difficult shift. We won’t be so lucky in the end. Much like the America First assholes who admired Hitler, the majority changed their tune once Nazi forces began killing our soldiers in North Africa at Bloody Kasserine.

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RIP: The Amazing Jonathan & Mark Lanegan

A sad day for entertainment in general. A big loss for Comedy and another for Music. These two people weren’t super famous but they contributed to those who capitalized on the work they laid down.

First up would be The Amazing Jonathan. I saw him occasionally on syndicated Stand-up Shows which were pretty common in the Eighties or what many comedians called the Comedy Boom period. Although Penn & Teller and Harry Anderson were more famous and successful the “magician who tells jokes” sub-genre as both were frequent guests on SNL, Jonathan held his own. His schtick was more often the tricks going badly or outrageously. Near the end of his life, I recall he took up residency in Las Vegas and then got sick and it turned into a rather odd documentary. The point of the movie or according to others, I guess, was…is this guy bullshitting? Doing whatever to get attention? Trying to pull off a weird joke like Andy Kaufman? I have no idea and by the time the flick came out, nobody seriously cared. It’s a shame. I really enjoyed the stuff I had seen. Marc Maron (damned autocorrect changes his surname to something insulting) reposted his interview with Jonathan from 2014, maybe I should listen to it see if there’s an answer. When Marc had Bob Zmuda (Kaufman’s prankish writing partner) on, much got solved despite former Taxi show runner Sam Simon casting some doubt.

Mark Lanegan is less known to me beyond being the former lead singer of The Screaming Trees. Their hits were OK but the band couldn’t break out of being lumped in with the rest of the mediocre Seattle Grunge crap. In 2002, I did see him come on stage to sing lead on a song with Queens of the Stone Age ignorant of him being a member than and being a co-writer for their hit “No One Knows.” Mark went on to other bands when Josh Homme probably kicked him out since QotSA is really just the singer yet not much success.

Thanks for everything gentlemen. You contributed to my early adult years, keeping the Eighties and Nineties from being dull with your contributions.

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A little jab at Social Media and American “expertise”

Cute little dig at really the world to some extent but I wouldn’t say the argument about vaccinations versus the tensions involving Ukraine are apples to apples. With the former, there’s a problem of Idiocracy causing too many to not trust Science via misinformation, anecdotal experiences and religion. On the world scene, I think it’s more opinion and guessing what Putin will do. Here, the experts are definitely more well informed yet they have to rely on educated guesses. At least the majority were right about Russia sitting tight through the boring Winter Olympics. China and Xi would be pissed about something as eyeballing-getting like war stealing the attention they so badly want.

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