At last, in Central Texas, the Summer weather is slowly ending and in the next decade thanks to Climate change, we can push it back to Thanksgiving!
But let’s rejoice over the good things October brings! As this month’s banner is showing, we celebrate National Pizza Month. I had some time to research it this year and sadly discovered it was only decreed through America’s Congress in 1987.
You’d think such a blatant, commercial, bullshit idea were older. Nope. I’m so glad that back in the mythical, good ol’ days when members of Congress used to get along and screw over the American people unilaterally from their cocktail parties, they put aside the important business of investigating St. Reagan illegally selling the Iranians weapons…to agree on making October, National Pizza Month. Given how some of those old mummies from 1987 are still present 34 years later: Majority Leader Steny Hoyer, Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Mitch McConnell; we shouldn’t be shocked over the shit sausage we got through the ACA and while infrastructure withers on the vine.
OK, OK, OK. Pizza is awesome! Let’s stick with it.
Then comes Italian-American Heritage. Yes, more research was done. I have erroneously promoted it as an international matter, as it should be. Again, I was wrong. A flaw we Leftists and good Liberals have, admitting to our mistakes and explaining why we’ve changed our positions unlike bull-headed, dipshit Right Wingers. I have no idea who established this. I’m guessing it was pieced together through the same people who made Columbus Day a holiday; in order to gain acceptance with WASP Amerika, you need to demonstrate how your ethnicity also likes to brag about their genocidal past deeds! As to why October is exclusive to Americans whose ancestors came from Italy and not other countries, we can blame this on Canada. I stumbled upon the fact that June is when Italian-Canadian Heritage is celebrated. Oy. As always, the Canucknuckleheads must do it earlier as they do with their Canada Day (July 1) and Thanksgiving (second Monday in October). I guess it must be how they express their grief for not winning the Stanley Cup since 1993 and losing Second City Toronto cast members to SNL. Even Canadians know I’m kidding, I love their country and much about them. As Robin Williams once said (paraphrasing), they’re a lovely apartment overlooking a neighborhood plagued with mass shootings and horrible poverty.
Lastly, now comes the most obvious holiday. Halloween! Jennifer’s favorite. I would guess to say Goths (all kinds), the candy industry, the cheap-ass costume industry and abandoned strip malls hosting those Spirit Halloween Stores until they become H&R Block Tax Services in January. I’m OK with it. I’m stoked this year since Jennifer and I have a bitchin’ plan which will lead into another surprise I won’t tell you. It’s extra special to me since it’s also the first time I’ll be attended the majority of Altercation Fest! Moontower may have been my main course for stand-up comedy but Altercation is the dessert. Habersaat’s “little” gathering will be attracting more A-listers for 2021. Brian Posehn! Tom Rhodes! and Eddie Pepitone! A surprise show got added for us pass holders and I can’t wait to see who it will be. Personally, against all odds, I hope Patton Oswalt yet I’m confident I will be wrong while I will be stoked given the credits this guest has.
Back to the costume hints. Jennifer and I have been working on our joint outfit for weeks. The remaining pieces to hers finally arrived. We had a brief dress rehearsal minus makeup to make sure it fit. I’ve gained back all the New Year’s Eve ’20-21 weight so it’s smaller meals in a hurry to get this right.
To keep the spirit going, I want to refer you to my comedy friend Kaitlin’s Twitter Feed. Every October, Kaitlin does 31 costumes in 31 days. Check her out every day. She’s awesome!
