Snow-ma-geddon 2021!

Posted on February 16, 2021 by Steve

Power was restored at my house today, hence no post for yesterday! Lucky you while unlucky for Jennifer, her apartment remains offline and everything there is electric. Hard to believe 20 years ago, I wasn’t too thrilled about natural gas being my house’s heat source. I’m most impressed with how well the cellular networks endured, ice likely gathered on all those towers and in zombie flicks, they go down first.

The forecast remains crap until Friday for sure. I knew this going in since last week yet I should’ve known better regarding the Independent Texas power grid. During normal times, it blacks out whenever a duck farts, aka, thunderstorms. I was more prepared with the water situation thanks to the house’s pipes freezing up some years ago.

As expected, there were and are runs on the usual asinine things Austinites and Texans start to hoard with cold weather: toilet paper, crappy white bread, milk and bottled water. On the former, how much crapping do these people plan on doing? Too bad they never rush to buy driving instructions, I’m counting on seeing dozens of pickups and SUVs in ditches because they’ve gotta’ be ahead of you no matter what the conditions are. To borrow a Sam Kinnison quote, I hope they also taste their own blood before they die through their idiocy of driving too quickly.

More as it happens. Man, I thought the boredom caused by CV-19 was unbearable, this snow and ice just compounds the insults.

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Happy Valentine’s Day / Lupercalia!

Posted on February 14, 2021 by Steve

By now, everybody should’ve received their grown-up-sized Valentine Card from me. If you didn’t, nothing too personal but you can tell me, I can put you on the list for next year should I try again. I didn’t buy as many as I do with Xmas cards from my source, trying to save money and keep this to those I really know. I also did this in light of the Pandemic still keeping us stuck in place, I figured a little pick-me-up would help get us through what I hope will be CV-19’s upcoming swansong…vaccinations are ramping up.

My immediate plans were trashed thanks to an upcoming cold snap heading our way. Cripes! I moved to Austin to avoid this crap weather due to it being normal in Central IL and Wisconsin. At least it doesn’t last for weeks.

May you all get more nice cards/letters in the mail, ‘social media’ bullshit doesn’t count plus candy, cake and in some cases, R-rated activities!

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Orange Foolius escapes justice again

Posted on February 13, 2021 by Steve

I’ll keep it short. Why did the Democrats bother? Even my cats know the GOP will put their party and power before America. Also remember, blow jobs from your mistress and lying about that is a high crime, not conspiring with the Russians or inciting an armed mob of morons. Alongside wth selling weapons to Iran, lying about Iraq’s nuclear capability and helping Latin American thugs bring cocaine to the US.

The general excuse I do hear is that the Democrats wanted to make sure they wrote the first-draft of History to make sure Orange Foolius is crippled in the future as it eventually did to Andrew Johnson. Yeah, that will work. I grew up hearing a false narrative about Johnson’s impeachment for years (as did millions of other Gen Xers) and JFK wrote about the courageous Republican senator who voted to acquit the asshole. The truth was a lot more complicated and in the end, both sides were self-serving douchenozzles since the GOP was on its way to becoming the party of Bullies and Rich Assholes once the 15th Amendment’s ink had dried.

Let’s also not forget the ongoing whitewashing of Tricky Dick’s legacy. He bailed before it got to impeachment since Goldwater told him which way the Senate was leaning; a time when the GOP still had Center-Right members who followed the law. By the time I was in college, you’d hear young Republicans whining about the railroading Tricky Dick got for doing what FDR or LBJ had already done; no, they didn’t use intelligence agencies to spy or get dirt on the opposing political party.

I need to seriously look into getting refugee status to flee to Europe because this Powered-Wig-based Republic is a sick joke that stopped being funny in 2000.

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Lincoln’s birthday is a holiday I miss

Posted on February 12, 2021 by Steve

Today is a day I miss being in grade school. Sure the weather around this time in Illinois sucked because February is Winter’s last big push to be awful but there were two things to look forward to.

First was getting the day off to “celebrate” Abraham Lincoln’s birthday, something my dad also received as a state employee. Looking back, I’m surprised parochial schools agreed with this since we skipped what used to be George Washington’s birthday before the two ex-prezes got consolidated into one holiday. Dollars to Donuts turd-eater Grover Norquist is scheming to get St. Reagan into this since that horrible person was born several days ago in the early 20th Century…before the dark times.

Nobody really made any major plans around Lincoln’s B-day. The day would get spent watching cartoons, loafing around, not doing our homework (probably), playing board games or with toys and conclude with our return to ‘prison.’

Valentine’s Day was the second thing. A good chunk of the school day would get wasted exchanging ‘cards,’ and/or making a mailbox with a conclusion of eating cupcakes! Today’s school-appropriate Valentines don’t even come with envelopes now, quel dommage!

The latter holiday can wait though. It’s all about Abe today and although it’s not a landmark occasion as 2009 was (his bicentennial with Charles Darwin), I want to ask friends/readers if he’s getting shit on in your state or region? In Texas, it’s amazing the crap you hear from even educated people who’ve chosen to swallow the Neo-Confederate propaganda. Funny, he was the first Republican POTUS which is always overlooked. Most Neo-Confederate bile tends to be “Lincoln was a tyrant, a dictator who was promoting Federal overreach.” It’s the same bullshit they say every other day but replaced FDR with Lincoln in their uncreative half-truth. I won’t deny Lincoln did some pretty unlawful things while leading the US through the Civil War but dissent in those days wasn’t always peaceful, thus, responses were harsh to make sure it didn’t spread.

My point is that Texan apologists are guilty of Whataboutism in a naked attempt to distract us from their acceptance of slavery, an illegal secession (being a sore loser isn’t a lawful excuse), Robert E Lee’s treason and Confederate crimes against humanity, see the Nueces Massacre or the Fort Pillow murders. Lost Cause and honor my ass! Lincoln was an amateur compared to Jefferson Davis and his thugs.

So if Lincoln is getting trashed like former president Ulysses Grant (a post for another day and here’s the short version, he wasn’t a drunk or incompetent prez as NeoConfederates lie)…stand up, speak up and fight back. I know I will as I remind the liars time and time again, you assholes started the war by attacking Fort Sumter, Lincoln didn’t do anything. I have also read the majority (or maybe all 11) of the secession statements. They all said their state was leaving over slavery. Not states’ rights (they were against them because the North used it to disobey Federal pro-slavery laws). Not tariffs (already resolved a generation earlier). Not Federal overreach (the South wanted this to get its way). They made it absolutely clear it was slavery for they claimed that Lincoln would abolish “their way of life and economy.”

And one other little thing. Don’t call Lincoln’s side the Union or the Union Army. We need to call the USA’s side by its correct name, America, the USA and/or the American Army. The 23 states which stayed together were America, not some aberration called The Union. Using “The Union” creates a false equivalence and legitimacy the Confederacy didn’t and never had. In the Civil War, the US fought an insurgency and terrorist organization called the Confederate States of America which resurfaced as the KKK while it spent decades infiltrating the two mainstream political parties until it took over the GOP.

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Adios Gina…you dumbass

Posted on February 11, 2021 by Steve

The Internet was definitely abuzz over Gina Carano’s firing from The Mandalorian which is a shame since the ongoing second impeachment of Orange Foolius is more pressing.

However, there’s a good explanation for why she posted such incredibly false, blatant lies on ‘social media.’ She has been punched in the head too many times from her past career in MMA! Believe me, after a few good kicks in the noggin’, anyone would start to believe the bullshit the GOP spews over so-called cancel culture, librul bias, the dead voting and any rationalization of when assholes don’t get their way. I would also bet that her old man’s past concussions as a Dallas Cowboys quarterback were passed on through their shared DNA.

It’s a bummer to me for a couple reasons. Firstly, I was hoping she wasn’t a complete shit-head to warrant joining my Famous Italians posts but now she can suck it with Mussolini and Berlusconi, I prefer to call the latter Berlu-scummy. Secondly, it was pretty cool to see a woman Sci-Fi character who didn’t have the preferred Hollywood body type: hourglass shape, blonde and fake tits.

I’m also laughing at the sympathetic whining via the hollow claims about Liberals orchestrating this. Sigh…Show Business is a Business! Hell, BUSINESS is in the name and since Republicans are Kapitalism uber alles, they often forget that second word. Hollywood isn’t keen on any kind of negative attention regardless of which political camp it originates from, especially Disney. The Evil Mouse loves to portray itself as the most inoffensive, milquetoast velvet glove within an iron fist. Walt himself would rant in agreement with Gina’s views but he’d fire her ass in a heartbeat if it meant losing one dollar over her employment. Again, the people at the top of the Hollywood food chain ARE REPUBLICANS. The majority are obviously not MAGAts, they’re the old guard Country Club-Brahmin kind who wished Sen. Mittens won in 2012 yet they’re fine with NeoLiberal sellouts like Grampa’ Brunch, Black Nixon and Slick Willie. They’re the Republicans who have come to accept homosexuals since many ARE, David Geffen readily comes to mind and he’s been Grade A Shitbag since the Seventies regardless of who he slept with.

If Hollywood were thoroughly and truly Liberal or, heavens forbid! Lefties…they wouldn’t be using union-busting tactics such as:

  • Shooting in Canada, New Zealand, Australia, Eastern Europe and Georgia where those tax payers pick up the tab for making the shareholders rich. The created jerbs pay way less too. Shame on those countries for their contributing to the race to the bottom. We need to find a way to punish them.
  • Cooperating with the Talent Agencies in ‘bundling’ which is why 97% of the WGA members fired their agents. The ‘savings’ came at the expense of killing the livelihoods of writers.
  • Incorporating every production, namely movies, as individual entities to screw the little people owed money for the numerous failures Hollywood makes.
  • The low-balling of Special Effects houses through piecemeal jobs alongside the usage of outsource hellholes in India and Eastern Europe. How else did MCU flicks get done so rapidly?
  • Let us also never forget how every time a new distribution technology pops up (the VCR, cable, DVDs, streaming), there has to be a work-stopping strike to get an equitable revenue-sharing arrangement from the greedy assholes at the top.

So to summarize, before any of you loudmouth Republicans open yer yap over Librul Hollywood, stop, think again, look up whose really in charge, then spew your falsehoods more carefully. 

Lastly, where was the outrage when Kevin Spacey got deservedly ‘cancelled’ after enough allegations gained the traction to go to a criminal court for his immoral behavior; forcing himself on underage people? Oh yeah, he’s gay. Harvey Weinstein? A rich, successful movie producer forcing women into boning him? Oh yeah, he’s Jewish. Now get under my tarp when I quiz the #CancelDisney+ stormtroopers about Bruce Willis, Jon Voight and Ahnold still having jobs, their tiny, toxic brain matter isn’t something you want touching your skin.

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Farewell Larry Flynt

Posted on February 10, 2021 by Steve

Honestly. I hadn’t thought about Flynt in years and could’ve sworn he died earlier since he had been “quiet” throughout Orange Foolius’ reign.

I was never a fan of his publication(s), strip clubs or brand in general because they were just excessive and simply…the definition of “gross.” I’ve supported his right to free speech since he never wanted to overthrow the government. Plus, as far as I know, he never promoted any material involving people under 18. If Flynt did, it would’ve surfaced decades ago, especially when he had his big moment in the sun with the Woody Harrelson and Courtney Love flick which I saw, it was OK. Standard Hollywood Cliff Notes with Wikipedia accuracy.

As for the “excessive and gross” comments I made, trust me, I know what I’m talking about. I lived briefly with a roommate who kept an issue of Hustler around the apartment. Even the cover was in poor taste and just not “enticing,” for lack of a better word. I probably looked inside once to see what the fuss was since the magazine’s name used to be a buzzword and/or juvenile joke in grade school; when Tom Cotter would say it in the library at St. Matthew’s, we’d giggle. Blech! Playboy used to create the illusion of the girl next door until the mid-to-late Eighties and its nudity was tasteful (to most opinions). Flynt’s stuff? It had more in common with a medical anatomy book than erotica (or porn); the late comedian Barry Crimmins once called the material, “cold cuts.” I also saw the facades of the three Hustler “clubs” around Bourbon Street in New Orleans and his big joint in Las Vegas. Even when I was a hormone-filled teenager, those places would be a solid ‘no thanks’ since they lacked a quantum of dignity.

However, to each their own in America. Whatever consenting adults do within the law remains alright with me. Much like the unfunny Lenny Bruce, Flynt served as a firewall to test the boundaries of the First Amendment. I did enjoy it when he upset the Religious Right, especially with his Campari parody ad involving Jerry Falwell. I was even more shocked when the St. Reagan-Era SCOTUS ruled in Flynt’s favor saying porno publishers are legally allowed to mock religious blowhards. OK, they said parody is protected speech in reality and I’m confident Chief Justice Rehnquist agreed grudgingly.

I do sincerely thank you Mr. Flynt for putting your money where your mouth was since it helped defend others in the future, aka today: BLM, the Sunrise Movement, The Onion and every documentary exposing Scientology for the cult it is. I hope those who inherited your financial empire continue to utilize toward good, tasteful things.

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1996: Copernicium is “discovered”

Posted on February 9, 2021 by Steve

The short version to this story is that 25 years ago, Scientists in Germany created the 112th element and named it after the Polish Astronomer Copernicus (the Latin version of his name). They did this by “combining” Zinc-70 with Lead-208 to create a new type of element or atom. It took many months to verify the Scientists’ success because Copernicium (Cn for short) has a half-life of 28 seconds. Pretty incredible detective work given they only succeeded in creating ONE ATOM of this…theoretically which is Science means with 99% certainty, not an opinion. Thankfully they were vindicated completely by the Aughts as other Scientific organizations worked together to recreate this elusive, short-lived and incredibly radioactive element.

Who knows though. Somewhere else in our galaxy, maybe in our own solar system, Copernicium is a naturally occurring substance like Uranium, Iron or Copper on Earth.

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Soon to be joining the Vanilla Ice dolls in a discount bin

Posted on February 8, 2021 by Steve

Calling this a ‘toy’ or an ‘action figure’ is being generous since calling her shit recordings music (mumbling) is quite a stretch. But I like to give my posts proper classifications via the categories and tags, including those who are overstaying their 15 minutes. Should I ever get to see No Time to Die in an Alamo Drafthouse (the proper setting for James Bond movies), I will probably be chugging booze to get through her forgettable (and painful) theme song. At least Amy Winehouse had the decency to drop out before crapping all over Quantum of Solace.

Meanwhile, all you investors thinking this should be a mandatory purchase for your Redneck 401K, you might want to see how well Vanilla Ice dolls are doing, if he doesn’t give you CV-19 for the autograph kicker. I really doubt the seller has any takers for it or the $500 Alice Cooper doll.

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RIP Marc Wilmore (belated)

Posted on February 7, 2021 by Steve

Damned Twitter! Found out through fellow Producer Mike Reiss that Marc died last week from CV-19. Life is unfair all to often since Orange Foolius and his legions remain free and not in prison where they belong while a person who made us laugh for 30 years dies.

Marc got his start writing and then performing on In Living Colour, a fantastic skit show despite launching Jim Carrey to stardom, not any of the funnier Wayans but Jamie Foxx is a big star too and I still see David Alan Grier. Then he did a stint writing for Jay Leno’s Tonight Show. Well, it was work. Afterwards, he made the jump to the short-lived Eddie Murphy claymation The PJs before joining The Simpsons!

He really came to my attention thanks to the DVD commentaries and I hope this story makes the rounds through his obit: Shortly after the episode “They Saved Lisa’s Brain,” aired, East St. Louis’ government wasn’t thrilled about being the butt of a joke made by then “new guy” Matt Selman (the primary author). I think he dismissed it in front of show runner Mike Scully. So Scully and the veteran producers decided to play a practical joke on Matt by getting Marc to play the mayor of East St. Louis. Getting him to partake was easy since The PJ’s writing staff had a nearby office and I believe Mike Reiss was asked to recruit Marc to keep Matt in the dark since Scully doing it could’ve tipped this off. And so during a writers meeting, Scully made sure Matt was seated closest to the door as Marc burst in to yell about how “his city” was denigrated by the joke despite all the progress East St. Louis had made in recent years. Matt’s position was key too, because he swung around to face “the mayor” not knowing his fellow producers were trying to contain their laughter. Marc gave an incredible performance they say. Matt was on the spot, sputtering and embarrassed. What I would give to be there. I bet was on par with being at Hollywood’s current golden ticket, a Simpsons table read.

Another amusing anecdote about Marc was his impression of Isabel Sandford (aka, Louise “Wheezy” Jefferson) he did for In Living Colour. It was incredibly good since they met later when it was time to record the voice tracks to The Simpsons’ “Milhouse Doesn’t Live Here Anymore.” Isabel started off with, “So you’re the young man who imitated me?” and it probably made Marc blush. She was also allegedly quoted with saying, “Why did you hire me, this guy does it well enough.” However, it was still great to have the real “Wheezy” say the line asking George to please come home at the TV Hall of Fame.

Marc had a great run with The Simpsons, working as a producer for 13 seasons and having 12 episodes to his credit. He even got to provide his voice at least once, being a performer like Dana Gould always helps with SAG-AFTRA rules. Then he joined Bill Burr’s hilarious Netflix show F is For Family a show which is more accurate about the recent past unlike That Seventies Show. I wish he lived to see the upcoming, final season. When I first watched the pilot, I knew F was going to be good as soon as I saw Marc and Mike Price’s names in the opening credits. Thanks for proving my instincts correct Marc (and Mike)!

Lastly, while I was researching some more details regarding Marc, I learned he is Larry Wilmore’s brother. Larry you may recall was a frequent contributor to The Daily Show, had the successor show to The Colbert Report but thankfully Peacock recognized his talent and gave him another shot (well deserved, Larry his strong wit, must be in their DNA). I bring this up as a testimony to Marc’s talent! Often show business is the definition of nepotism as Jim Belushi, Tori Spelling and Meghan McCain prove; you can’t avoid associating their genetics for their “stardom.”

Thank you for everything Marc! You made the world a funnier and happier place with all your contributions. You will be greatly missed by all Simpson fans especially and a comedy geek such as myself.

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Happy Caturday: Feb. 2021 edition

Posted on February 6, 2021 by Steve

I wonder if the cat’s name is Skittles. Then you could pet the Rainbow!

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RIP Christopher Plummer

Posted on February 5, 2021 by Steve

To the world, he was immortalized as Captain von Trapp from The Sound of Music yet he appeared in a ka-jillion things, most recently he was the cunning author who baffled his family, police and a silly detective in Knives Out. I saw him off and on but the performance which stuck was General Chang, the Klingon tormenting the Enterprise in Star Trek VI with his Shakespeare quote while his cloaked ship kept taking easy shots.

I didn’t know he was originally part of the Sixties’ “bad boy” gang with Anthony Quinn and Peter O’Toole. I guess his personal life was busy (heavy drinking) since the roles he had as per imdb.com back then say otherwise.

The funnier thing I learned about Mr. Plummer involved the horrendous Italian Star Wars ripoff…Starcrash which you can still see being skewered on Netflix’s MST3K productions. He has a brief role as the Emperor. Why did he stoop to appearing in such dreck everyone knew would be terrible? It was filmed in or near Rome. Plummer said something I’ll paraphrase, I’d shoot a porno if it involved me getting a chance to visit Rome.

Thanks for everything! You definitely made everything you appeared in better. Whether it was the laughingly awful Starcrash or proving what a trooper you were to replace Kevin Spacey in All the Money in the World at the last second. Your villainous voice in Up rocked!

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Scooby-Doo Chucks, pair one!

Posted on February 4, 2021 by Steve

These were released last Spring to coincide with the release of Scoob! the movie that obviously wasn’t a success thanks to the Pandemic killing its debut in theaters. I have yet to watch it on HBO Max and I have no excuse because the Blue Falcon and Dyno-Mutt make a big appearance! How I religiously watched the rip-off duo every Saturday morning in the Seventies.

As for the shoes? They’re fantastic! The first pair has a unique design for each shoe:

Shaggy and Scooby fleeing (outer right shoe)…

…from several “ghosts.” (inner right shoe)

Scooby and Shaggy paralyzed with fear…(outer left shoe)

…by these scary fakes. (inner left shoe)

Inside the tongue of ever pair!

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Twenty-seven years in Austin!

Posted on February 3, 2021 by Steve

It’s a pretty cool anniversary but I wish time would slow down in a good, non-pandemic way! I’m in no rush to die. Better yet, what I would give for a time machine to buy a house sooner to build up my equity. Can’t avoid the divorce I’m afraid.

Regardless, moving to what is now the 11th-largest city in the US was one of the better decisions I’ve made, especially in light of all my bad choices. As I’ve shared with my cousin Dana, a Tampa resident for even longer, it’s unusual when a Maggi stays in place for than a decade.

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Happy Groundhog Day 2021 and the Header

Posted on February 2, 2021 by Steve

Some say nostalgia is a (mind)trap. I guess, but only if you dwell there forever and constantly long for it, aka Classic Rock or Jay Gatsby. I still let myself have an hour to remember how much this day in 1994 rocked. I saw Graceland for the first time, checked out the essential sites involving President Clinton in Little Rock and wrapped up the day in Dallas. Just several legs of the journey to my relocation to Austin. I think it’s the last time I ever bothered to use travelers’ checks (or cheques) instead of plastic too. It was also my first adult vacation not involving a wedding or a convention. I’ve done better since then.

We are also now into the second month of 2021 with about several million people vaccinated in America, mostly rich assholes and the politically connected. Jennifer received the second shot yesterday. Within a couple weeks, she’s theoretically immune give or take a five-percent chance.

February also means Chinese New Year which is the Year of the Ox. Finding good pictures of them for my design was pointless so let’s face it, bulls and cows are cousins, they’ll do. I never grew up with Oregon Trail yet I’m confident that wagon trains were pulled by oxen, I got one out of three right!

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Rest in Peace Paris

Posted on February 1, 2021 by Steve

Paris crossed the Rainbow Bridge this morning around 1 AM. She had been in declining health for over a week as you may recognize in animals when they let you know they’re ready to pass.

Jennifer wasn’t Paris’ initial owner, I recall this kitty was rescued as an adult. Either she was surrendered or it was a messy situation. Paris was very domesticated so there wasn’t much effort needed to gain her trust.

I regret not getting to know her for long. I do know for sure Paris liked me. I was one of the few she’d leave her frequent resting place on the couch in order to grace my lap with her presence. However, this sweet little old lady made me smile with her purring and coo’ing whenever I petted her.

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