Crappy gift of 2020 #2 (probably mid Eighties)

Posted on December 14, 2020 by Steve

OK, to be fair, this isn’t truly crappy. I could just see this being given to a male child from a grandmother or aunt. “Billy, you said you really like the Muppets and you wanted a Big Wheel so I thought this was perfect.” Little boys are pretty touchy about their “manly” identity with certain colors and characters, ergo, most would be pretty upset. I know I would be at that age.

This was also a real product. If you see the watermark below the rear wheel, the customized Big Wheel was a price from The Price is Right. It is not somebody’s incredible Photohop work.

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My first stocking in forever

Posted on December 13, 2020 by Steve

Jennifer is obviously more into this holiday than I ever could be, other than sending out funny cards and giving gifts. She insisted on me having a stocking for the little odds/ends gifts so I chose a Star Wars theme because it reflects and the franchise has rebounded despite the last three out of five movies being mediocre.

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1979: How did I miss this TV show?

Posted on December 12, 2020 by Steve

It was probably for the best. Mom would’ve cockblocked me from watching this because she always had a strong hatred for everything involving Hugh Hefner. Since it aired in late 1979, I would’ve protested or made the pitch to see it for the Village People. Yeah. I know. I didn’t know they were gay nor did I even understand what “gay” really meant. Back in the Seventies, calling someone or something “gay” was a kid-level insult with the connotation of “lame,” “dorky” or “uncool.” Keep in mind, kids aren’t very articulate. The other variable I should be grateful to my strict mom about? Dorothy Stratten was in this and if you recall her name, you know being Playmate of 1980 didn’t end well for the poor lady.

Back to this special.

It’s definitely a product of its time. Roller Disco was popular. Playboy hadn’t quite transformed into the disgusting shadow of its origin. Waylon Flowers and “Madame” (or ventriloquism) was still mainstream entertainment, not Red-State filler (Jeff Dunham isn’t funny). The Village People had hit records. Lastly, Richard Dawson was considered a class act, not the butt of Family Feud jokes/parodies…yet. Oh yeah. ABC hadn’t become Disney’s property so it continued to gamble on risqué programming until Fox appeared.

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Crappy 2020 summed up, December 2020 addendum

Posted on December 11, 2020 by Steve

The diver approaches the board’s end (January and February), begins to slip (March) and falling in is the remainder of the year. Since I met Jennifer, it’s the only reason why the pool has water. What we don’t hope follows is the diver swimming to the edge and discovering a floating “Babe Ruth” headed her way with 2021 all over it.

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McRib is still disgusting and hard to eat

Posted on December 10, 2020 by Steve

Long ago, I chose to adhere to that principle “If you’ve never seen the movie, how can you say you hate it?” when it came to film, TV and especially music. It has resulted in numerous hours and dollars I wish I could have back afterwards but it least I had the right to express a negative opinion in a fair, informed manner. I applied it to the return of McDonald’s grossest concoction…the McRib, which has returned yet again like Jason in those Friday the 13th flicks. Keep in mind, I haven’t eaten one since I was a tweener during the early Eighties. I clearly remember how friends and I mocked the TV ad’s jingle “Our new McRib is swimming in a barbecue sauce…” with “Our new McRib is swimming around in a microwave!” because even we knew it was an “artificial” product.

So how was it? Still awful. Forty years later I can articulate why thanks to my 26 years in Austin and eating better barbecue. You can taste and feel how it’s a Frankenmeat. What I mean by the Shelley reference is the “slab” is multiple pieces of pork molded, compressed and/or stitched together to make one whole “piece.” Given McDonald’s reliance on processed food, I wouldn’t be surprised if the pork was liquified and poured into the mold just as The Simpsons mocked Krustyburger for doing. The McRib is also the messiest product I’ve eaten which is about the only thing it has in common with what it’s trying to imitate.

My curiosity has been sated for another 40 years and if I do live to be over 90, I guess I’ll try it again while making a super outdated joke about former president Clinton.

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Updated for the 21st Century!

Posted on December 9, 2020 by Steve

When I ask myself why I haven’t achieved much despite being cooped up in my house a whole lot more during 2020? I can point to these four jerks!

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RIP Chuck Yeager

Posted on December 8, 2020 by Steve

We all learned about him from the movie The Right Stuff in the early Eighties, the first known man to break the sound barrier. It is a shame he didn’t get to be astronaut because he didn’t have a college degree. Chuck joined the Army Air Corps right out of high school during WWII and stayed in the military after the conflict while many contemporaries took advantage of the GI Bill (another big government success).

I think he did some commercials while I was a teenager and that’s about it.

Still, I thank you for doing what many felt was impossible, defeating the luftwaffe (12 kills) and all the other things you contributed through your service. One thing I do recall, you were never bitter over being overlooked for the space program. You said something to the effect of…as a test pilot, we’re working on stuff that’s been relatively figured out. Astronauts are doing stuff that’s really dangerous, namely sitting on rocket which is mostly made of explosives.

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Crappy gift of 2020 (probably 1965)

Posted on December 7, 2020 by Steve

I could see a well-meaning grandparent or elderly aunt giving this to a couple kids thinking it was pretty cool because, “We didn’t have this level of entertainment during the Depression.” Meanwhile, the recipients get about 10 minutes of ‘play & fun’ before letting it gather dust in a closet.

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This year’s Christmas tree

Posted on December 6, 2020 by Steve

Jennifer and her family enjoy Christmas a lot more than I do as you can obviously see. They go through the whole hassle of setting up an actual tree. This is what it looked like before it was decorated. The biggest surprise for me was not finding one cat inside trapped or continuing climbing to the top.

I hope to have a photo with the tree completely decorated in the near future.

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RIP David Lander

Posted on December 5, 2020 by Steve

To my generation, he was Squiggy on Laverne & Shirley. Whenever the show needed that comedic answer to “what else could happen?” you’d hear his signature “hello,” as he and Lenny (Michael McKean) entered Laverne and Shirley’s basement apartment. I knew there was more to him. With his longtime writing/college buddy Michael, they debuted on Happy Days, they played mechanics in the low-brow comedy Used Cars, were the crew on an anti-aircraft gun in 1941 and even made a great record called Lenny & the Squigtones. Although their greaser characters didn’t fit in when the show moved to LA, they remained funny, namely the episode in which Lenny & Squiggy were bachelors on The Dating Game.

I had heard David was suffering from MS which explained why you’d recognize his name more often in voice work when the Laverne & Shirley ended. He was the voice of the lead weasel from Who Framed Roger Rabbit? and the scary grasshopper in A Bug’s Life. He made the occasional cameo in SNL or The Simpsons to bring back Squiggy. The one my cousin Dana brought up that I overlooked was his turn at being a Ferengi for Star Trek: Next Generation. Given how lecherous Squiggy was, I’d say he was a perfect fit other than being 5′ 3″ (Ferengi are much shorter than humans).

Thanks for everything David. You made me laugh so hard as a little kid with your Squiggy and one day, your work with the Credibility Gap will which a wider audience.

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Wild Hogs blech

Posted on December 5, 2020 by Steve

This was another Jennifer pick I put off writing about due to laziness/complacency. She likes it because she’s a big fan of William H Macy which is cool, he’s a great actor. Sadly, he’s in the horrible dud alongside the not-funny Tim Allen and Martin Lawrence while John Travolta makes you regret getting a second chance via Pulp Fiction. The premise was executed a thousand times better in Albert Brooks’ Lost in America while Hogs is by the numbers: slapstick, homophobic jokes involving a motorcycle cop, the love interest, a biker gang and obligatory guest spots/cameos.

So is there anything good to say? A few things do come to mind. It was nice to see the Sklar Brothers play a pair deputies in a small Arizona town. Kyle Glass of Tenacious D is a goofy karaoke singer at a chili fair. Finally, the late Steve Landesberg appears as a main character’s personal accountant. Oh, it was good to Ray Liota get work beyond shilling for Chantix.

I’m confident Hogs is cycling on multiple cable channels since the most programming just fills time until they might have original programming: Comedy Central especially. If you stumble upon it, keep surfing. If you see it listed in your streaming service, skip it unless you really, really want to see Macy getting paid and/or you find ex-felon-turned-right-wing crank Allen funny, even though his stand-up was just one joke dragged out into a weekly sitcom. This movie should’ve been pitched in the Nineties when three of the leads were relevant.

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Austin’s mayor imitated LA’s mayor and CA’s governor

Posted on December 4, 2020 by Steve

I generally have a dislike for Austin’s numerous mayors because they were Brunch Democrats before the term was coined. They’re socially Liberal or to the Left since those positions don’t cost money (much like placeholder presidents Slick and Obummer). When it comes to fiscal and eco policies, they’re NeoLiberal assholes who give away the store. For example, Elon Musk is one of the richest people on the planet thanks to “Corporate Marxism.” I really don’t want his crappy trucks built here for sub-par, non-union wages.

Anyway, I did agree with Adler pushing the good advice Science promotes. Then he turns around and secretly attends a wedding in Mexico. Way to fuel those “Impeach Adler” billboards popping around town. I may not agree with the assclowns who initiated the movement; they’re obviously morons denying the existence of the virus or consider Kapitalism to be more important than public safety. Now I’m onboard for a better reason, it’s time to make hypocritical shitbirds suffer and fear when they cross the electorate.

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Possible ray of hope, if it’s true. Dec. 2020 edition

Posted on December 3, 2020 by Steve

Jennifer alerted me to this article last night when we were talking. Oddly it wasn’t in the regular news feeds I follow but the Austin American-Statesman is about a C+ on the reliability scale in my experience. The local excuse for information and news coverage is only accurate when it comes to spewing opinions favoring over development turn transform my adopted home into Houston II or New Dallas.

I remain skeptical. Our horrible excuse for leadership would sacrifice millions of Texans at the altar of Kapitalism to reopen the economy. Plus vaccines take a long time so I fear the Big Pharma corporations will be shielded from any liabilities despite their knowledge of probable side effects; paralysis a common one I’m reading/hearing about. Given the number of doses, healthcare workers are going to be the first recipients. With Jennifer being a nurse, I think I’ll get a idea on how effective it will be.

Despite being an obvious critic of the status quo which has fumbled the CV-19 crisis at every turn, I do hope the two (and soon to be more) vaccines do work. Too many have died (over 270,000 by the this post) needlessly, millions are unemployed while both parties stick their collective thumbs up their asses and millions of students are getting screwed on their educations, something they may never recover. Nevermind my stir crazy mood. Those previous three factors are more important. Whoops, I’ve forgotten a fourth since I’m caught up in my First World Problems; the Developing World has taken this on the chin. Even when these vaccines are approved and start getting deployed, those countries are going to be the last in queue to receive anything. All the more reason why the US and other Western nations need to regain the ability to manufacture flu shots, etc.

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“Happy Ending” on white or wheat?

Posted on December 2, 2020 by Steve

I spotted this in downtown New Orleans during our long weekend there. One of the many combos that just don’t really go together yet, maybe eating a crappy salad on half-cooked bread could require some gross enticing. Using the sandwich place is a better cover than calling the possible brothel, The House of the Rising Bread, or as Ireland has judged, Cookie.

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OK December

Posted on December 1, 2020 by Steve

The last month of this crappy, crappy year has arrived which puts us into the home stretch. Matters are looking up for 2021: two vaccines appears to have a 94% success rate, Orange Foolius was soundly defeated (he’s also 1-34 in court) and he’s going to leave kicking and screaming.

I chose John Oliver’s detonation of 2020 as the header because I, along with billions, share his sentiment. For me personally, it will go down in History with other terrible years in my life, 1993 readily comes to mind.

Now the biggest challenge will be finding a good gift for Jennifer.

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