MAGGI PICAYUNE

Since the New York Times tends to have its “bipartisan” head up its ass, especially when it comes to crooked politicians outside of NY or DC, they wrote a rather glowing obit about the Republican Dictator of Illinois. To be fair, he was elected through cunning and Democratic self-sabotage via Old Man Daley (Gov. Walker wouldn’t kiss his corrupt ass in 1976), morons who only picked WASP surnames in the primary (LaRouchites sharing the Dem ticket in 1986) or wooing the North Kentucky vote; just walk around barefoot with a hound dog. Just remember, when a Democrat is in office a long time (FDR), that’s a dictator; when a Republican is (this asshole and Gov. Goodhair), they’re just popular.

Anyway, Thompson was a piece of shit in general.Here’s a list of his “accomplishments.”

• He ratcheted up the fights with Chicago, especially under Mayor Byrne. I recall one of their matches quite well.
• Wasted taxpayer money on a full-staffed governor’s mansion despite only occupying it 25% of the time
• Continued to charge IL for trips to Japan when the Mistubishi factory in Normal was a done deal.
• Was a member of the 9/11 Commission and when you need to cover something up, namely Spurious George and Darth Cheney’s incompetence, he’s your flunky.
• Always tried to curry favor with St. Reagan by cutting essential services in IL, namely putting the mentally ill on the street with bus tickets to Milwaukee. Nevermind he was probably very heartbroken when the Great Bullshitter didn’t pick him for veep.
• His biggest legacy was keeping 30,000 state jobs vacant for years and tied up in court thanks to those positions requiring an unconstitutional loyalty oath to him.

When I was a kid, I really despised him and rightfully blamed him for why we left Springfield and moved to Houston in 1982. My father worked for IL’s Mental Health department (Computer Science division), a victim of St. Reagan and Thompson’s cuts; if my dad didn’t take the Houston gig, he would’ve been laid off alongside hundreds of others we knew. Thirty-eight years later, after that initial burst of homelessness caused by them, the problem continues to grow. “Big Jim” helped pave the way to make ‘Murica Great with his fiscal promiscuity.

Years later, I would indirectly like to thank him for making me leave IL the first and second time. He made it such an unlivable nightmare for college graduates and/or people capable of critical thinking. His terrible reign of error motivated me to live in Austin, which is like Chicago but with better weather, less traffic and fewer government officials openly on the take. Those who remain in IL, you have my condolences as “Big Jim,” initiated the brain drain transforming IL into three states: Chicago, the Academic City States and Northern Kentucky.

If there’s an afterlife and people like him are sent to Hell where they should be, it would only be fitting that his sentence is to have his mouth sewn to Reagan’s asshole to form a Republican Conservapede. Just enough room to add Newt and Bush the Elder though.