Quest for Fire

I think this educated guess of a movie has held up well after 30 years. We’ve made major strides in anthropology since then (we aren’t descended from Neanderthals now) but I wonder if beginner courses ever show Quest with genuine interest to the students. It certainly takes the patience of a scientist to watch it in its entirety because our ancestors didn’t speak any intelligible language 80,000 years ago and the director chose to not include subtitles.

Thirty years ago when this debuted in theaters I wanted to see it thanks to an interesting Sci-Fi magazine article covering it. My parents objected due to the R rating so I gave up. Then Quest had its run on HBO a year later (back when the lag was 12-plus months between the theater and cable). I caught it in bits and pieces when mom wasn’t around and figured out what her issue with the movie was…Quest is rather graphically candid about early mankind’s attitude with sex. I may have been 14 but I already knew the difference between porn and art; few teenage boys get turned on by Rae Dawn Chong being covered in just ashes, mud and (probably) feces.

Three decades later I finally got around to seeing this through Netflix (it’s no longer around for streaming) during my stretch of illness and it was pretty cool.

It begins with a little explanation about fire’s importance to early humans: heat and security namely. Few knew how to generate it so most came into possession of fire accidentally (lightning hitting a tree) or stole it from another group. This was the lot for the Ulam tribe. When they’re attacked by the more vicious, ape-like Wagabu, the Ulam flee to a marsh. During the retreat, the tribal fire tender lets the remaining fire they had die out. Doomed without a new source, three tribesmen: Naoh, Amoukar (Ron Perlman always did have that natural caveman brow) and Gaw are recruited to get some more before the cold weather arrives. Should they fail, the Ulam will die out from exposure, starvation and/or wolf attacks.

The trio head some direction, it’s not clear where they’re headed, avoid a sabretooth tiger attack and run afoul of the Kzamm who resorted to cannibalism as noted by a Ivaka prisoner’s missing limb. Still the Kzamm do have an active fire so the Ulam heroes make an attempt to steal it. They fail and now they have a flesh-eating tribe of redheads chasing them with Ika (another Ivaka survivor) in tow. A convenient Wooly mammoth herd eliminates any further trouble since these elephant precursors scare aware even the nastiest, hungriest man-eaters.

“Romance” blossoms, more like rutting, between Ika and Naoh while they’re returning to the Ulam camp empty handed. One day, Ika senses they’re near her tribe but the Ulam aren’t interested so she runs away. Naoh pursues, discovers a village and gets captured in the residents’ marsh trap. His captors turn out to be the Ivaka, a more advanced group: they have huts, language, body ornamentation, pottery, atlatls (sophisticated weapons compared to the Ulam’s, Kzamm’s and Wagabu’s sharp sticks) and the means to create fire. If they had agriculture, the Ivaka could be the progenitors of modern humans in some circles. These technical innovations don’t include compassion as they taunt Naoh through some politically incorrect, crude reproductive and initiation rites.

Eventually Naoh’s buddies Amoukar and Gaw come to rescue him only to be captured by the same trap. The Ivaka with Naoh proceed to give their latest guests the same treatment but somehow Amoukar and Gaw have no difficulty breaking out the next evening. Naoh refuses to return home though, thus Amoukar knocks him unconscious and carries him off with other stolen supplies, namely fire. Ika rejoins them as they all flee back to Ulam turf.

The joyous homecoming is short lived. Once again the fire tender extinguishes what the heroes brought back and now everybody wants to kick his ass; never mind it was the tribe’s roughhousing style of celebrating that pushed him into the water. The questers intervene, tell the others to relax, there’s no need to kill the clumsy tender, Naoh learned how to make fire. Naoh gives it his best shot and fails. Fortunately, this is a standard skill amongst the Ivaka as Ika saves the day.

Quest is certainly a more serious, mature attempt to tell a story about pre-historic times which was enjoyable and refreshing for its bluntness or attempted accuracy. Lately, Hollywood’s closest endeavor was 10,000 BC which proves how the powers that be prefer to make something awful (in Newspeak a popcorn movie) instead of daring.

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Upgrades coming to our Internet infrastructure

A quick heads up regarding Saturday morning and (hopefully not) later should Picayune go offline when you’re dropping by or your RSS Feeder shows a disconnect/can’t subscribe icon.

I was planning on wasting several hours on the phone with AT&T to get our plan amended. It was a 2011 project anyway. Then this rep came to the door while I was home sick to get it all cleared up. Why AT&T can’t do this at their more convenient, helpful physical stores blows my mind. So he explained how AT&T had upgraded the lines in my neighborhood to fibre optic, blah blah. I asked him to reschedule because I was really sick (it was Monday, the day I was sent home and I was in the middle of a blistering, painful fever). No dice. I endured his pitch. Once I got a commitment to several key things, I agreed to make the change:

  1. No more telephone line. The telcos will just have to live with the fact that nobody personally needs this service despite the five nines claim. For us, it’s a magnet for people hitting us up for money between 5-9 PM every day. We disconnect any phone going into the line months ago.
  2. I will not lose my five Class A static IPs. Back in 2001 when the house was nearing completion I spoke to SWBT (AT&T’s predecessor here) to get DSL. Originally I wanted two static IPs but got five because they only offered one or five. So I made the best of it: the servers (old and current) use two, the alarm clock another and our wireless solution with the last.
  3. We will get elevated to 12 Mbps down/1.5 Mbps up speed. Currently we’re at 1.5 or 3 Mbps down (I can’t remember which)/384 or 768 Kbps up (again, don’t know). Hmmm. Better speed for less money (the bill should drop from $84/month to $45), let’s see if AT&T proves this isn’t too good to be true. The downstream part improving will be great yet the upstream will be even more impressive. Maybe Helen and Jose can finally hear KMAG without serious bandwidth issues.
  4. We can ditch the U-Verse TV part in a month without penalty. I told him clearly we have Netflix, we have no use for cable television. Comcast and Time Warner hate it since $11/month to watch Netflix’s modest library beats the crap out of their $60+ opportunity to view commercials. My biggest complaint with Dish. I fear the Cable-Telco Cartel will start turning the screws to kill Netflix though. They hate it when an outside competitor beats them at their own rigged free-market game.

Wish me luck. In many ways, I’m the installation tech’s worst nightmare. A customer who actually knows how the “Internet works” and can tell when he’s being lied to. Personally, I’m cautiously optimistic on finally getting performance closer to what we Americans were promised back in the Aughts. Maybe next decade we’ll catch up to where South Korea is today.

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RIP Guitar Hero

It’s probably old news to those who really cared. I knew about it earlier, this post just had to take a back seat in the queue. I caught the scoop while I was home sick and during one of the few windows I could concentrate well enough to read HuffPo’s tech section on my iPad.

The economy going down the toilet was the deciding factor to put the game down for good. All of the other missteps weakened it it further: avatars of Kurt Cobain (blech!) or Taylor Swift (puh-leeze); moving the emphasis away from music in GH3 for a lame, linear videogame storyline; and the biggest event I think doomed the franchise from day one, getting acquired by Activision (now Activision-Blizzard). The publisher is great at twitch games for people with poor social skills or button-mashing subscriptions masquerading as roleplaying. GH lacked the essential shooting/stabbing then rolling the corpse for ammo/gold/mana element their core audience liked so they probably didn’t know how to develop the product further. Sure there was the Aerosmith, Metallica and Van Halen licenses but once Rock Band rolled out the Beatles, those previous three looked like Roger Corman productions.

However, I want to remember all the great memories GH gave me.

  • Receiving GH2 for Christmas was a great experience.
  • Trying to figure out the original game one afternoon at Fry’s to Franz Ferdinand’s “Take Me Out.”
  • My 39th birthday party wouldn’t have been the same without the Eighties finale Harmonix and Red Octane whipped together (before their divorce through Activision).

GH came before RB and proved there was a market for music-based games beyond DDR and Nintendo’s taiko drums. Let everyone indulge their inner Beavis & Butt-head to more than air-guitaring. I can only hope Harmonix fares better because they were dumped by Viacom and acquired by a private firm weeks earlier.

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Happy Birthday Jeff!

My relatively new friend (since we met in 2009 at work) rejoins the Prime Number club with Peter Gabriel today! Lucky him. Hopefully he gets to celebrate in the company of his two sons Pearce and Neo; yes, the younger boy is accustomed to the Matrix references when you meet him for the first time.

This year I got him a killer gift. It’s the most awesome piece of fan work I have ever seen plus it was worked out with the assistance of an actual scientist (suck on that Bill O’Reilly!); it’s so awesome, I only discuss it with those who have a slim chance of running into him…it’s that amazing. Originally it was supposed to ship last Monday but the site where it comes from has pushed this back to tomorrow. They better come through. I’m having trouble containing myself.

If you know my friend, drop him a line. Wish him happy birthday! He’s a cool guy and he assists me with iOS issues.

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Bring food when you come back

The last two weeks of cold weather didn’t seem to raise many hackles with our four cats as this picture illustrates. They always can’t wait for us to go to work so they can claim their “rightful” places on the couch or master bed for their all-day naps until dinner which they prefer at 4 PM. I couldn’t resist capturing this attitude from Molly and Nemo before we headed out in below-freezing temperatures.

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Autobot, your secret is safe with me

I spotted this vehicle a few days ago in the parking lot of our local HEB. Hopefully Michael Bay didn’t discover him (I’ve never seen a female Autobot) and cast him in the next craptacular film.

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World’s Greatest Dad

Bobcat Goldthwait was the last person on Earth I ever thought could make the transition from Eighties schtick comic to successful director. Sure Shakes the Clown is hilarious but I didn’t think he had anything left creatively like Kevin Smith has proven after Clerks. Seems I have been wrong for years. Bobcat was behind Strip Mall one of Comedy Central’s best sitcoms, segments on Chapelle’s Show and he allegedly turned Jimmy Kimmel’s pathetic talk show around; this wouldn’t be hard since Kimmel is the most boring late-night host since Alan Thicke.

A couple years ago, I was so desperate to avoid hearing commercials on the car radio that I tuned in KLBJ’s pathetic morning bitch-n-moan show and Bobcat was the in-studio guest at the moment. He was in Austin to perform some standup and discuss his upcoming movie with Robin Williams. The way Bobcat presented his flick’s subject matter was funny despite it being rather distasteful. His anecdote regarding auditions was great too; why does someone do a British accent for a part with only two lines? I can’t remember if he returned to show it off at Alamo Drafthouse or it had any distribution through the area. When it appeared on Netflix streaming, I put it in our queue immediately but failed to watch it until recently; when you’re home sick, your body won’t let you sleep 24 hours a day. Maybe I should use this to kick off a new section called Sick Day Theater.

I’m not providing any spoilers at this point since most reviews, trailers, word-of-mouth and Bobcat gave away the crux of the plot.

Lance Clayton is a failing high-school poetry teacher. His aspirations to be a writer haven’t panned out so he has settled for less while yet he keeps trying. Adding to the frustration is his teenage son Kyle; a foul-mouthed, porn-obsessed, contrarian douchebag Lance has had to raise alone due to his ex-wife abandoning them years ago. The two of them attending the same school only strains their relationship further: Kyle’s anti-social behavior jeopardizes Lance’s tenuous position; Lance being a teacher there hurts Kyle’s “reputation” (he’s a pariah through his actions not his father). The troubles extend even further: Lance’s poetry class may be dropped next semester for its poor attendance and his girlfriend Claire (the art teacher) might be getting woo’d away by the more popular creative writing instructor.

Then Kyle dies accidentally through auto-erotic asphixiation while Lance is on a date with Claire. Devastated, Lance adjusts Kyle’s corpse to make it appear like suicide and writes a well-written goodbye note to corroborate this. Lance also wants to save his son the post-mortem humiliation everyone would fixate on; people always bring it up with any mention of Michael Hutchence even though it isn’t true, I’ve read the coroner’s report from the New South Wales’ PD.

Lance returns after the funeral, resumes his routine and figures he will carry on. A couple days later, the school paper publishes the police report on Kyle’s death along with the letter. Seems he wrote it too well as it strikes a cord in the student body, transforming his horrible son into a Kurt Cobain-like persona. This newfound interest invigorates Lance’s poetry class (it’s packed), his romance with Claire blossoms and the teenage girls start building a memorial to Kyle. At first Lance enjoys the attention but he eventually gets caught up in a lie he can’t escape and it snowballs out of control: kids asking him for advice, Kyle’s fake journal to be distributed by a major publisher, an appearance on a national talk show, etc. It does climax with a resolution which is funny in a dark, twisted way wasted on most audiences accustomed to SNL’s factory of mediocrity.

Normally I find any film starring Robin Williams equal to jury duty yet I was impressed by his restraint which I’m sure Bobcat required for the role. I never doubted Williams could act, he just usually does crap involving his tired Mork act except for The Bird Cage. Overall I loved this movie. Good comedies make you laugh and I’m guilty of enjoying vulgarity: Beavis & Butt-Head do America, Caddyshack and Revenge of the Nerds. Most though are crap: too many to list. Great comedies provoke thought and other emotions such as World’s Greatest Dad or Your Friends & Neighbors. This even evoked memories of a similar event at my last high school involving an older classmate’s death in a hunting accident. How I would roll my eyes in disgust whenever I’d hear the whitewashing canonization by his ex-girlfriend or others. To me he was really just another hell-raising, beer-swilling jackass NoDak whose life pinnacled in high school which was closer to the truth. He and Kyle still didn’t deserve their horrible fates but the incident and movie both demonstrate how memories can be altered by the right words, deeds, feelings and/or overall zeitgeist.

I look forward to Bobcat’s next project since he made an R-rated comedy for adults and intelligent people, not for 13-year olds as Hollywood has done for 30 years.

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Somara won an iPad!

Since iTunes, iPods and everything related to them are such popular gifts near the end of the year (Christmas, Chanukah, Festivus, Solstice, New Year’s, Ephiphany, Kwanza, you name it), Somara and her department have to put in some serious overtime. One major benefit, besides the additional money they make, is the prize raffle.

In 2009 she won an iPod Touch which I bought from her and gave to Helen as a gift; now Helen enjoys her Mommy Music in private. Fear not, Somara had an iPod and iPhone to satisfy the need for portable music, movies, podcasts and Web access.

This week she won a 16GB Wi-Fi iPad which is sweet. I already have my own that I scored last Fall so obviously I won’t be begging her to sell this to me. However, Somara has a financial goal she is saving up toward (a big 47″ Vizio LED-LCD TV would be nice yet I don’t know what it is) and having an iPad was something we planned on getting for her later in 2011 anyway.

If you’re interested in it, let me know. Strangers, aka people I don’t know and Internet trolls dumping spam on my site, need not bother.

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Finally, mostly recovered from a sinus infection

Actually, it was a relapse since I had been sick near the end of January, recuperated enough to function (go to work, attend games, etc.) and then the crap weather hit. How it sucked! I hadn’t felt so ill in over 12 years. The first doctor thought I had mono which I thought was a desperate guess. The second one capitulated to my request for anti-biotics. Turns out I was right because the flu swab came up negative (duh!), my symptoms didn’t match Somara’s (she’s doing better too) and it couldn’t have been viral; few last as long as I was demonstrating. One thing my body does which irritates me is its ability to conquer the nastiest elements of an ongoing sickness when it’s time to see the doctor. For example, after my boss sent me home from work, I had a raging, 10-hour fever paired up with a sinus headache that could kill an elephant. I couldn’t stay warm or sleep. By the time I had the appointment, these horrible experiences had subsided; my temperature was only a tad over the norm and the aches were tolerable. “Riiiiight Mr. Maggi. You sure are ill.”

So the second doctor gave me a prescription for Azithromicin because she suspected I had Michael-something. Really. There’s a bacterial infection which begins with the name Michael. I’m not going to bother using Google to pin it down, the anti-biotics killed the damned microscopic nuisance, all I had to endure was the unpleasant side effects: everything smelling “green” and an ongoing metallic taste. This did make emptying the cat boxes easier.

What’s next? Namely catching up is underway at work and with life. Then there will probably be a brief flood of stories and reviews. I think the writing momentum can be maintained for a while too: after this evening my Stars are on the road for two weeks. Keep those RSS Feed readers primed or if you’re behind the curve, check my site every day (or every other day) until April.

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900 Days to go

I totally missed the date on when this was at 1000 days (we were in Dallas and/or I was experiencing a relapse of the cold I had around mid October) but it doesn’t matter today since there’s enough time remaining.

Remaining for what? To get our 10th wedding anniversary loosely on your calendars in July 2013. Why? Because it’s going to take place (tentatively) in Las Vegas with a renewal ceremony and some of you I owe a wedding (I’m looking eastward Silders to give you the hinteye) so you better get your butts on a plane to attend.

Details remain sketchy. This alert is a heads-up for me to plant the seed into my friends’ memories to get priority.

I will remind everyone again at 800 days.

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Several pieces to counter today’s whitewash of Pharaoh Reagan

It’s sad to see what a short memory Americans have regarding this president who laid down the ground work for the worst one (Bush II) to happen. But as the American Dad cartoon shows, Reagan escaped any serious punishment because there was no oral sex happening…just selling weapons to Iran while he chastised Europe for even thinking of doing the same thing. That is only the tip of the iceberg with his hypocrisy and role in “saving the world” from the Soviet Union.

A rather clever comic book about Reagan, partially done by a guy most famous for drawing Green Lantern in the Eighties and Nineties. It’s not completely critical which is fine, it makes its point through its medium.

A collection of essays by someone who kept track and remembers.

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My parents said they rode brooms in their spare time

I wasn’t always sure my parents were kidding when they told stories to my brother and me about their experiences with nuns in parochial school; they did attend grade school during the Fifties. By the Seventies Vatican II seemed to have a mellowing affect because we never got smacked by a nun and believe me, I really pushed Sister Rosita’s buttons in fourth grade (something I truly regret) to earn a few.

Anyway, at last night’s game, one of the Zamboni honorees was a Dominican nun from a school around here. I recognized the habit since they were the order at my last grade school St. Agnes and we were altar boys for the nearby convent. I joked with my friends (after yelling at them to sit down when they ruined an earlier shot): you’ve heard of the Popemobile, get ready for the Nunboni!

This picture probably strengthens the reason why people call nuns penguins…behind their backs. You don’t want to say it loud enough for one to hear you, she might be carrying a deadly wooden ruler.

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Post Snowlocaust 2011

What a great title from The Onion since the local cable news channel and others always go overboard on this. When it snows here, I just feel dread due to the overreaction it receives. Plus it’s an excuse for some to shirk their obligations when they could just delay it by several hours because we received an afternoon of melting before it froze again; now it’s all gone.

The best news thus far is the pipes thawing when we got home from work. More than two days without water was rough and worrisome; the latter means we’re still waiting for the other shoe to drop…did anything burst in the plumbing. I think we lucked out. No water was coming into the house which didn’t experience any heating or electrical problems (we somehow dodge the Perry-Corporate mandated rolling blackouts) the whole time so it probably froze outside. When I took a shower this morning, there was no drop in water pressure with the hot or cold sources. Again, it’s likely the infrastructure held. We will continue to keep an eye out for any puddles surfacing in the yard which I would prefer; anything inside would suck but we have a one-story house, everything comes up through the foundation, nothing is in the ceiling.

The evening we spent in the hotel was a little disappointing. I was too exhausted to enjoy the free wireless-Internet access (obviously from the lack of a post then) and I bordered on experiencing a relapse from the cold I just overcame last week; Somara is currently fighting it. The room being drier than the dessert didn’t help neither. I woke up from dehydration and dread (saw the snow at 3 AM) three times. Catching some Adult Swim and Adventure Time helped me sleep a tad.

Today, everything is 90 percent or more, back to normal. I’m quite glad. Some people asked, “Didn’t you move to Austin to get away from this weather?” I sure did. However, my rebuttal to their snide questioning is this, it does happen here once every few years but unlike where I’m from, it’s over in a day or two, it doesn’t linger until April which is the norm. Now will come all the ignorant statements regarding the “lie” of Climate Change. Weather ≠ Climate is my immediate retort.

As for the relapse, I think I shook it off. I couldn’t wait to get home after work yesterday. Every joint, especially my back, hurt like hell. I passed out on the couch within an hour of consuming some chicken and rice soup. This morning I was congested, a tad feverish but as long as I keep eating on schedule, I think Sunday will be productive and Monday puts me in the groove for the next week: ice skating, hockey games, writing, bookkeeping and clearing the Netflix queue.

One sad casualty was this poor lizard who froze to death on the west side of our house. I spotted it during a lunchtime inspection while the water crisis occupied my brain. It came right off as if it were made of plastic. I took him to work in a container hoping the warmth would revive the unfortunate creature since certain species of amphibians can survive such situations; they don’t experience cellular damage in the thawing process as humans do. A co-worker with a Biology degree told me about this. If NASA could figure out how these creatures do it, we’d have a long-term solution for inner- and interstellar travel. After 12 hours, the little thing didn’t budge so the cold snap preceding the snow killed it. I hope the poor cat howling on our back porch fared better.

If the lizard survived, I was going to turn it lose in the backyard.

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Apocalypse Snow!

Picayune will probably be slow for a bit. Obviously, the snow and ice is having a negative effect on Central Texas as the numerous low-IQ residents wreck their vehicles: not bad, we only saw three cars almost wipe out as their drivers were going too quickly and slamming on the brakes.

Then comes all the other crap I don’t want to go on about. It just reinforces my negative opinion of how worthless the human race is.

To boot, I’m fighting off a relapse of the cold I came down with last month. Despite sleeping last night in a hotel to get a hot shower, I barely rested.

Pictures, details, etc.…later.

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Seventeen years in Austin!

The weather was nothing like this when I arrived then, it was raining but at least the temperature remained in the mid Fifties (F) until sunset.

Somara went to her parents’ house to take a shower. I stayed behind to make sure everything and everyone (the four cats) were alright. We will probably spend tonight in a hotel to get hot water nearby.

Meanwhile, we thawed out a bit as this glimmer of hope this morning.

2060

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