Why humans can still analyze and think better than ‘bots

Last weekend I mentioned wanting to take a refresher course at ACC to punch up my writing skills. Then last night my friend Kate plugs this site which “analyzes” one’s style and pairs it with a famous author. She got David Foster Wallace. I guess that was a good result, I never heard of him until he committed suicide.

Curious, I took a shot…and got the same result! What a crock was my immediate reaction. Either it only gives one result or it’s random. I tried the same entry, still received Wallace. Then I took a snippet from The Economist…Arthur C. Clarke. Agreed, dry, matter-of-factly, pompous and stubborn in its views (Clarke hated any other fiction with FTL travel). So I fed the site my last ten Picayune entries:

  • David Foster Wallace – 7
  • Stephen King – 1
  • William Gibson – 1
  • Isaac Asimov – 1

Now I was even more puzzled, and insulted because Asimov is boring. However, confusion reigned. How can my writing be similar to three authors I’ve never read and one I have but he only co-authored the book with Bruce Sterling (The Difference Engine, a key piece of Steampunk ficition)? An English PhD could do better.

Again, I think the algorithm used is rather simplified. I am curious to see who the other authors are and what can I do to get Douglas Coupland, Margaret Atwood or Gordon R. Dickson without moving to Canada.

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Magic Artist for iPhone

It was only a buck so if the novelty wears off quickly at least I won’t feel very guilty. How the author got it to pull off what appear to be a series of Photoshop filters or fractals, condensed into a tiny piece of software impressed me. I’m confident it’ll be more entertaining to watch on an iPad.

The original picture I took of Molly.

…and what took the app about five minutes to make.

Posted in Apple, Science & Technology | 1 Comment

Happy 100th Birthday to William Hanna

He was one half of the legendary Hanna-Barbera team, the duo who significantly changed animation. Some say for the better, others say for the worst. I think they did the best they could based upon the circumstances of their day, namely television cannibalizing movie attendance which meant the eight-minute cartoon short was an immediate casualty to save money.

After MGM canned Hanna and his partner, they led the way toward taking advantage of the new medium by scaling back the number of drawings used. In exchange, their cartoons emphasized character interaction and dialog. I know most people roll their eyes at the mention of Hanna-Barbera shows because my generation was exposed to the stuff produced in the Seventies and Eighties, when it was practically cranked out with a Xerox machine. Not to condone what they did but there was a glut of time to fill and the same people who “tsk tsk” the quality would then label H-B fools for letting the opportunity slip by.

However, if you watch the earlier material from the late Fifties through Sixties, then you’ll witness the inspiration for Matt Groening’s Simpsons, the Cartoon Network’s burst of creativity in the Nineties (Dexter’s Lab, Powerpuff Girls), Nickelodeon’s gems (first season of Ren & Stimpy, Spongebob Squarepants, even As Told by Ginger) and obviously Adult Swim, if H-B did anything racier than Wait Until Your Father Gets Home.

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Happy Belated 70th Birthday Patrick Stewart

I was just too damned tired after eating two-thirds of my Taste of Italy at Olive Garden last night (Somara had a craving for their chicken gnocci soup) to complete this, plus it was a long day with a key co-worker being on vacation.

The man that will probably be forever known as Captain Jean-Luc Picard on Star Trek: The Next Generation has had a pretty impressive career in both nations. Getting the lead role of a Sci-Fi show usually leads to be typecast, at least that’s the logic of the previous show’s participants’ claims along with many others (Doctor Who, Battlestar Galactica, etc.)

Before his iconic status, I vaguely remembered him playing Gurney Halleck in David Lynch’s version of Dune. Over the years I then recognized him in Excalibur as Leondegrance, the knight/warrior who wins the competition but can’t pull the sword from the stone yet he is the first back Arthur. Smart move, Leondegrance is Guinevere’s father so he gets a good spot in the new kingdom built around the legendary king.

Other favorite performances obviously entail The Simpsons (Head Stonecutter), the pig Napoleon in recent puppet version of Animal Farm (debuted on TNT) and the alien king from Jimmy Neutron. The only thing I’ve caught him recently on are reruns of American Dad, it pays the bills, knighthoods aren’t cheap. Still nothing regarding those rumors panning out of him being the Mad Monk for the revived Doctor Who.

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Third session of physical therapy…still hurts

I managed to do what Doyle (my PT person) requested every day between June 23 and now. Only two days were partially completed and one was skipped, the rest were the full routine. What is my reward? Two more exercises added to the daily sets! I think Doyle is trying to kill me or get me prepared to participate in a triathlon. Being put on the rack for heresy against the boring World Cup in South Africa is looking more desirable.

In all seriousness, the PT is making progress. Much like Somara’s situation with her vertigo, it’s going to take weeks, even months. I did complain about the “heavy gravity” sensations around my lower back I experienced last weekend; I’ve never walked on Jupiter or flown on the space shuttle yet I think that’s what it must feel like if I were an astronaut or fighter pilot. Doyle had a better explanation for why the pain continues unlike when I was younger; my lifestyle/career is more sedentary with a big dose of stress. Bullseye there. How I miss PE for first period of my senior year in high school, they should make it mandatory in college.

At least he got back from Las Vegas for his vacation! He and his family stayed at Harrah’s on the Strip (good location, not much else in my opinion). I asked him how his overall experience was since NV has 14 percent unemployment (probably higher in Clark County). Doyle replied that it isn’t as noticeable around the Strip and the busiest casino at the time was the Flamingo.

What’s next? I will go back for session number four during the final half of my upcoming vacation. Should the pain return to the point of being unbearable, I do get one free refill on the funny-sounding painkillers. Meanwhile, I will need to get out of bed another five-minutes earlier to get these Y and T reps in; no, not the short-lived Metal band Y&T, they’re stretches which pull on my shoulder blades.

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Futurama is back and on target

Somara gave me an early birthday present last week, an iTunes season pass for Futurama‘s 26 episode return on Comedy Central. Certainly easier than having a friend hunt down torrent-based files the following day because iTunes automatically downloads it on Friday morning in HD and SD formats. It’s pretty sad that a half-hour sitcom is now a mere 21 minutes long (really 20 since the opening/closing credits don’t count as original material). I would say it explains why people are more prone to “steal” content since I also grew tired of paying almost $60/month with satellite TV only to be bombarded by advertising.

Editorial aside, how have the first four episodes been? Pretty good. David X. Cohen and Matt Groening were able to retain many of the great writers who made the show hilarious and too intelligent for the average Fox viewer (many staffers had at least MS degrees in Science, Math or Computer Science). Thanks to Comedy Central having less-restrictive standards and practices, the jokes involving bear butts are back as well; Al Jean of The Simpsons joked about Fox clamping down on this saying it was responsible for the 9-11 attacks.

The CC launch of Rebirth picks up shortly after Wild Green Yonder ends and continues to play on Fry’s unrequited love of Leela while Bender has to keep partying or he’ll detonate. It’s not quite the re-introduction or reboot Cohen claimed on The Onion, more of a goofy way to resolve the last DVD’s cliffhanger.

Sadly In-a-Gadda-Da-Leela has been the throwaway. It would explain why CC aired it immediately after Rebirth to claim a one-hour debut (40 minutes actually) when it was really just two episodes shown back-to-back. Although it’s always funny to see Captain Branigan try to woe Leela, this one drags on and doesn’t establish any new territory.

Attack of the Killer App skewers Apple, Twitter, eWaste recycling in India and Internet memes so thoroughly I would have to say it’s my personal favorite this season. Now if I could only find a good desktop image of Mom Corp. Craig Ferguson appears at the guest voice.

Proposition Infinity is a metaphor about legalizing gay marriage through the proxy of robosexuals (humans and robots who love each other). How fitting that CA’s eight (from the recent prop battle) turned 90 degrees resembles the symbol for infinity. Obviously, getting George Takei as the guest voice was mandatory.

I’m pretty excited to see what the next 22 will reveal. Too bad I don’t have an iPad to watch them on when our vacation comes up. However, a new episode (lucky number seven) will appear while we’re out there and I can watch it ASAP on my iPhone (or is it eyePhone?).

Scorecard thus far as per The Onion’s AV Club:

  • Rebirth: A-
  • In-a-Gadda-Da-Leela: C
  • Attack of the Killer App: A+
  • Proposition Infinity: A
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Buzzards tidying up the local road kill

Watching for cars before it gets another helping.

Some poor turtle got run over and became a meal for the buzzards (or maybe vultures) of Central Texas. When it began I’m not sure but I’m sure one of the many schmucks in my neighborhood ran over the poor creature without a second thought because:

  • Turn signals are optional so you must guess what the driver will do.
  • Coming to a complete halt at stop signs is rare.
  • Parking an SUV in a spot that obstructs other drivers’ view of oncoming traffic is the norm.

In my 15 years of living around Austin, I have never seen these carrion eaters this closely before. They tend to fly away whenever people are within 20 feet of them. The trio visiting my neighborhood were larger than I expected. Despite their size, fearsome (ugly) appearance and pretty-sharp looking talons, this didn’t discourage the other local birds from squawking and swooping at the one on the rooftop.

By 4 PM the buzzards left. Not much of the roadkill remained thankfully. Now if I could entice them to feast on my neighbor’s annoying, noisy rooster(s).

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Word-usage quiz from Webster.com

When I’m writing for Picayune, I frequently have another window open in my browser on webster.com. I love to use the site to assist me on spelling, definitions and synonyms. As a speaker of the American dialect of English, I defer to Webster not the stuffy Oxford.

The other day I stumbled upon a great Top 10 of theirs, The Top 10 Commonly Confused Words. I took a shot at it. I calculated that I would get a score of five at best. Much to my surprise, I got eight and I was vindicated on one usage someone claimed I’ve been wrong about for a decade. The two I was wrong about didn’t bother me much since one was obscure and the other has plagued me for 20 years (it was never an issue until I started working for GDW).

In the near future, I really want to take a refresher course at ACC on grammar and punctuation. Then maybe the equivalent of English 101/Composition. Anything to punch up or improve my writing, namely in the speed department.

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Iron Man

Cue the Black Sabbath guitar!

Somara’s latest creation is a birthday cake for a little boy we know indirectly. He really enjoyed the current sequel (I missed it) despite it being a tad long for his attention span. Hopefully he will not be like my nephews; he will want to eat some of this before insisting on playing with the toy.

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Stars dismantling and a personal memory of Probert

I really, really want to know what the plan is for next season with my Austin Stars. Four more players have left for other teams. Over the weekend, Greg Stafford, Mathieu Beaudoin and Matt Climie went to Phoenix. Now we’ll probably have to face them as members of the San Antonio Rampage, our local rival. This also means we don’t have a backup goalie for the frequently injured Brent Krahn yet.

The bigger loss was Andrew Hutchinson heading joining Pittsburgh. I hope he gets the opportunity to play defense for the Penguins because his toughness and scoring ability were essential to our success in the playoffs, especially his goal during game seven against Hamilton.

Bob Probert’s death is relatively old news but I discovered that my friend who played for the Petes in the early Eighties received a souvenir from the legendary tough guy. This is his account he gladly gave me under condition of anonymity.

“It was ’82 or ’83, not a regulation game, either a preseason or just a casual game. He never played for Pbo – he was with Brantford then Sault Ste Marie in the OHL. Probert just clobbered me on with a clean check from the side. He was so bloody strong that he knocked me clean off my skates, and my helmet slipped up and creased my head when it rammed into the boards. Not dirty, Probert was NEVER a dirty player – actually one of the nicest guys you’d ever meet, and a great teammate. He’d beat you to a pulp if you messed with a teammate of his, and he’d hit you harder than you’ve ever been hit, but never dirty and never with intent to injure. Literally a little kid in a man’s body and the toughest SOB in the NHL. Kocur had the best KO punch, but Probert was bigger, stronger and more tenacious.”

I’ve been in a few fights when I was younger, however my friend being on the business end of a Bob Probert hit makes what I took in the Real Chili Fu incident sound like a love tap.

Posted in Hockey | 1 Comment

The Last Airbender

Hollywood loves to make TV shows from an earlier generation (Miami Vice, The A-Team, Lost in Space, etc.) into terrible movies because they know there’s a built-in familiarity factor that leads to making money. Why a five-year-old Nickelodeon cartoon was selected is beyond me. Handing it over to M Night Shyamalan, a director whose credibility has eroded with each new film he does (much like Kevin Smith and Richard Linklater) is the bigger riddle, especially in this rotten economy.

If the trailers/commercials don’t explain the premise, fear not, a relatively boring series of expositions will clue you in. Better yet, ask a kid under 14 who saw the original show from 2005-8, it’ll hurt your eyes less and you’ll probably stay awake.

Worth Seeing? Obviously not. I only saw this because my employer covered the ticket; I had already seen Toy Story 3 and the other choices at Alamo Lake Creek were equally undesirable. However, I’m not going to waste more electrons joining in on the dogpile ripping it in detail. This would be too easy, much like the unfunny, profanity-laden excuses for comedy from Brian Maupin criticizing mobile phone customers or Ben Croshaw’s alleged videogame reviews. (For the record, swearing is hilarious when used properly and effectively. Think of it as verbal salt.)

There is a silver lining. Interest in the superior, original source may rise thanks to Netflix carrying the entire run through its streaming service so you can watch it immediately. When Avatar, the Last Airbender was in its initial run, I dismissed it as a weak kiddie, anime-wannabe show. Then it appeared this Spring with a whole slew of other older Nickelodeon content. We took a chance on it in anticipation of the upcoming film. I am glad I gave it another opportunity since we both found it hard to stop watching. It wasn’t completely aimed at children. A significant portion of the cartoon’s writers, artists and directors worked on other things enjoyed by adults: Mission Hill, Futurama, Oblongs, King of the Hill, (ugh) Family Guy and a couple were poached for Clone Wars.

Posted in In Theaters, Movies | Leave a comment

1985 – Summer Part II: Florida, fighting and failure

To recap, at the end of May we moved in with Grandma Maier and during the month of June we got re-acquainted with various members of the Maggi clan due to Grandma Maggi’s terminal illness. The only good development from this tragedy was my new, young-adult rapport with Cousin Leesa, a sophomore in college; she sent me a very nice e-mail about her perceptions then, it made me happier because I always felt I was the taker.

When July rolled around, Mom sprung part two of her plans. This was news to Brian and me; we figured living in Bloomington-Normal, IL was the plan. We’d try to get into University High (the school attached to Illinois State University) and make the best of it until we left for college which was merely a year away for me.

Through the Grandma Maggi situation, Mom had made arrangements with Uncle Chief to visit Tampa. However, this wasn’t going to be a vacation, it was more like a fact-finding mission to move there. The plan seemed to follow this strategy: We’d stay with Chief’s family (Aunt Mary, cousins Matthew and Julie) briefly, get our own place, set up, etc. This didn’t mean my parents were getting divorced or separated. Mom just made it clear she wouldn’t live in a hellhole and she was going to choose the destination while Dad helped pay the bills. My immediate reaction was, “When do we leave?” After spending two winters in Houston followed by a standard Midwestern-Great Plains one, I was automatically in favor of living in a warmer climate regardless of hurricanes (Alicia/Alisha 1983 wasn’t as scary as we imagined). Besides, Tampa was a major city and destination for decent concert tours, something Indiacrapolis was not unless you were into Arena Rock and Heavy Metal.

I should’ve taken the contentious drive there as a warning of all the trouble to come with my mother. Instead, my mind was preoccupied with how much better life in Tampa would be after all the “suffering” I had endured for the last three years. I even looked forward to holding a part-time job to help support us. We can all blame the opening credits from the TV series Alice for this fantasy. What happened? I can’t remember anything specific. Probably the standard back-seat driving and lecturing I endured until we stopped speaking altogether in 2003. The difference in 1985 was my being 16 going on 17 (versus being 34-plus). Adults antagonizing most teenagers are asking for an escalation in kind. After arriving at Uncle Chief’s, we managed to keep the infighting fairly private.

Chief and his family were very generous hosts based upon the circumstances. We got to crash in the den on a hide-a-bed couch for about three weeks, practically the month of July. The downside was weekdays. Back then he owned a business which made wood pallets for cargo ships.

Quick explanation if you don’t know what a pallet is. Whenever you go to Home Depot, Costco or any other big-box store, you’ll see a slug of boxes resting on a wooden thing for the forklift to move them around on. Chief’s business made those wooden things.

Anyway, Uncle Chief, Aunt Mary and the cousins would head off to work at his business because I think they all participated in the manufacturing process. This left the three of us to explore Tampa or hang around their house. During the first couple days, we took in some nearby sites: a museum, a putt-putt golf course and restaurants. Other than a daily downpour every afternoon that lasted 10-30 minutes, I figured this move was a done deal so I wondered about which high school I would be attending for my senior year.

HA!

Mom changed her mind on day two or three. Disappointed, we asked why. The reply was, “This place reminds me too much of Houston.” My rebuttal of “But I liked Houston, especially with how much Indianapolis sucked!” didn’t help. (For many years, I was blamed for making Dad take the job in North Dakota by Mom and Brian.) The remaining time in Florida was a pressure cooker and my poor brother had a front-row seat to a prolonged nasty, bitter fight I eventually lost when Summer ended.

There were brief moments of enjoyment though. We went to Disney World and EPCOT three times. Brian almost got us tossed out for his antics with there other kids at the raceway. No employees caught them fortunately. Seeing Disney World at eight was amazing. Seeing it again at 16…not so much. It appeared rather dated by the mid-Eighties. EPCOT wasn’t much better, it was mostly incomplete. The most “exotic” nation it had was Morocco because it was the only Arabic nation Reagan hadn’t pissed off yet and the technical exhibits were extended advertisements for GM, AT&T and other corporations. It still beat sitting around IL, unemployed and bored to death watching MTV. Beyond the theme park, we got pretty acquainted with the mall near Chief’s house. I killed plenty of time reading the hobby store’s Traveller books. On one other Saturday, Julie took us to a local waterpark. The souvenir of my nylon enema from a multiple-story, high-speed slide became a favorite anecdote in high school and college.

The days we bummed around Chief’s house were usually wasted watching some movies saved on videotape ad nauseum, namely Sixteen Candles and Yellowbeard. I should’ve used the time to do more reading.

As for peer-related company, Matthew and Julie weren’t not as personable as Leesa was.

In Matthew’s defense, he had a lot going on that Summer. He was attending Fordham on an Army ROTC scholarship but living in NYC probably meant he was paying through the nose for an apartment. Matthew also had a girlfriend he tried to keep up with.

Julie on the other hand was the anti-Matthew and anti-Leesa. While Matthew attended a prestigious Jesuit university out East, Julie went to the monstrous University of Florida in Gainesville, aka Florida High School. She was also on an Army ROTC scholarship but based upon her stories about how much she drank, I would’ve guessed she was sponsored by Budweiser or Jack Daniels. I didn’t really gain any intelligence on what college was like from either of them too. What I unfortunately developed was a greater dislike of Julie. I found her bossy, opinionated and often full of crap, or as Brian pointed out, she was just like me! Too bad I didn’t care for his insightful observation then, I wrote off Julie as a jerk until I heard she has been ill.

Uncle Chief and Aunt Mary left me with more pleasant memories except when Chief asked me about my future. How glad I was to receive Leesa’s caveat regarding his inevitable lecture about pursuing an ROTC scholarship. She got this spiel two years earlier and it somehow convinced her parents into making her apply. Leesa’s experience was hilarious, maybe she’ll share it. When Chief talked to me about looking into ROTC for covering college, I got uppity. Back in 1985, Reagan was president and his sabre rattling at the Soviet Union, Cuba, Iran and Nicaragua (never mind selling weapons to Iran and Iraq) was unnerving. With Reagan, Vietnam II was always a likely possibility if he didn’t destroy the world through nuclear weapons first. Therefore, I had no desire to be in the military. Chief got the hint and dropped it.

Other interactions with these family members were better. Two incidents always readily come to mind. The first was Matthew telling us about a classmate in high school using the lyrics from the Cars’ “Just What I Needed” as an example of a compound sentence when the teacher called on him. The second was from Chief about Grandpa Maggi. Brian never met him and I had no recollection since he died in the Spring of 1970. All we knew were Dad’s stories which usually involved how the guy meted out punishment; pretty brutal stuff by our standards. Chief chuckled about our perceptions and replied, “Skip and I were the oldest, by the time your dad was born, the old man was pretty mellow.” He proceeded to tell us graphic demonstrations of Grandpa Maggi’s temper. After the incident involving a hat, the guy made The Great Santini sound like a wussy. I could see why my parents never spoke about him often.

July was nearing its end and I felt so was our welcome in Tampa. If we weren’t making plans to move there, then our stay with Chief was becoming perceived as mooching or couch surfing. Even though we (through Mom) were reimbursing them, nobody really wants to have guests around indefinitely, especially family members.

There were some terse goodbyes yet I doubt any serious long-term relationship damage resulted: Grandma Maggi’s funeral was inevitable, Chief and my parents still spoke to each other long after this and I think they chalked up my behavior to my age. We then hit the road back to Bloomington-Normal on my 17th birthday, arguing, cursing and finger-pointing the whole time. All I could think about was how much I despised my mother. She had become this fickle, indecisive psycho who was proving to be more skilled at “ruining our lives” than Dad. Mom wasn’t keen on being reminded neither.

I think we all know how it panned out but I’ll save it for the conclusion in Summer 1985 – Part III next month. I may finish writing it up while on vacation because writing is actually relaxing for me.

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Post Hurricane Alex weather

Not a bad amount of rain last week. It certainly led to us having a relatively mild Fourth of July weekend and we still haven’t cracked 40 C/100 F yet. You guys who live further up North don’t know what hot is after 16 years down in Central Texas. I have no idea how people 100 years ago endured it with their more elaborate layers of clothing, especially without deodorant.

I did see another front working its way across Florida and hopefully it’ll bring us another inch…after I mow the lawn.

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Airplane turns 30!

Or as it’s known in France, Y a-t-il un Pilote dans L’Avion? Seems the French aren’t keen on maintaining the suspenseful element to making this funny.

There was quite a lot of buzz about this movie when it hit the mall in Springfield after Empire ran its course. Being a kid, I only had a rough idea what the ZAZ guys were up to because I had seen Airport ’75 a couple times on network television. The dirty jokes were certainly part of its appeal too.

The NY Times recently ran a piece about the film’s anniversary. I was going to let it slide after I totally missed the deadline. Then Somara found a site with 11 trivia questions checking to see how much fans of it remembered. I got eight! Not bad since I haven’t watched all the way through in over 20 years. I think I caught the last half in 1994 on Comedy Central with Patricia who told me about its title in French.

I need to look it over again. See if the jokes hold up in light of the current factory cranking out those horrible attempts at trying to recapture ZAZ’s magic. Let’s not forget the craptacular Family Guy series which is nothing but a string of ZAZ jokes without an adequate narrative holding it together.

Tell me what you score was and don’t cheat by using Google, imdb.com or watching your DVD. I predict the only person who will beat my eight is Jose, the biggest movie fan I know.

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Belated anniversary on Picayune Volume V

I can never remember why I think I made the change to a ‘blog format on July 5 and not July 3 (when it really happened). Probably all the other distractions happening around the holiday weekend, namely the beginning of the new fiscal year in our house (aka the Maggi Republic) in which Somara and I review how things went, what is currently urgent, where would we like to go in the next year and current quarter, so on. We tend to do this while having a steak dinner at Texas Roadhouse (embarrassingly its HQ is in Indiana!). We used to be fans of Outback but had a falling out with their Round Rock location one fateful evening; believe me, Fuddrucker’s was a poor surrogate for a ribeye meal.

Meanwhile, I want to thank you for hanging in there. In five years there have been some big changes on the (virtual) road to 1800-plus posts: two servers, two software solutions, about a half-dozen outages (no idea when the current intermittent access with AT&T will be solved), five vacations (Vegas 3, Orlando 1, DC 1), three weddings (Lowrys, Martinzes, Wilsons), many babies (lost track), a new car, a promotion and a few losses (Wicca, Kenny’s Coffee Co., the truck and two uncles). The migration from the old server drags on so I don’t have an accurate count on comments beyond the 234 (and two original FAQ questions) I approved or brought over. I do thank you though for contributing to the conversation, include the legitimate strangers and one celebrity trackback!

As you may have noticed, I found the back-end piece which controls the header on this theme (I prefer to call it a banner). Above is an old, funny picture of the other cat we’re housesitting for another week, Tiki. He got a little too caught up in a toy but always have the ability to sit tight for a photo, he missed his calling to be a model/actor in cat food commercials I reckon.

What’s next besides enjoying the time off from work? Beyond wasting a good chunk of tomorrow morning with AT&T’s DSL support (an exercise in futility), chores, updating the stream, trying to convert some crap to play D&D/Pathfinder Thursday (upcoming story there) and counting down the days, hours and minutes to Vegas 6! Somewhere I hope to squeeze in a little more migration from the old server, I’m up to the middle of October 2007, only a year to go!

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